Okay, the Middle East branch of the family is gone. And with them goes a good chunk of my excuse for not having a job. And it's already the middle of August. Oh well, I was thinking I may become a superhero, or a schoolbus driver. I saw Sky High today, and I think that would be pretty cool. Just have to find some toxic waste to dump myself in.

Ha, I already saw the marching penguin's Hollywood debut. It was pretty cute, but no Winged Migration. Though I do have to say, watching what the poor fluffies go through to procreate, I will NOT be one in my next life. And having to trust the men and all.

Why does Andy's little brother look like a cross between Andy and Koji? Maybe it's just the picture, but I swear he looks like Koji's little brother What's-his-name.

Anyway, now about ME!! The real reason you're here! Hahahaha. Okay I'll make my evil side quiet down now.

We took a family girl trip to Winthrop, a little tourist trap/town in northern central WA. It's just slightly on the east side of the mountains, still west enough to be really pretty. (A look how Bellingham is on the little map! Isn't that just wonderful!!) We stayed in a cabin by the river, but of course we only went to the river for about ten minutes and spent more time playing with the sprinkler than with the river, though two people did manage to fall in within that short period of time. They have a bunch of artsy shops with a lot of hand-made stuff so over priced only the rich and crazy can buy anything. I bought two things.

It's supposed to take four hours to get there. I think it took us eight both ways. There was so much construction we were about to murder people. On the way there, it wasn't so bad, the eight hours were from stopping and looking at the prettiness, but on the way back we were stopped by a flagger for almost an hour. AND most of us had to go to the bathroom at the time. Talk about torture. You could see everyone getting all fidgety in their cars. But the funny part is, some of our largest laughing attacks happened while waiting. At one, my aunt took the keys out of the ignition while we waited, and then when it was time to go, she couldn't find the keys. I thought we were going to be killed by the cars behind us, but she found them in time.

So the point of this rampage is really to relate that we found a campsite remarkable like the places we went in the Redwoods. It was really nice and treeful by a creek. The only difference was that the fallen trees in the Redwoods were slightly bigger and more ubiquitous, but...eh. So Washington really is the coolest state ever and no one can convince me otherwise. Oh yeah, at there's this cute little supposedly rabbit-like creature that lives in the mountains called a pika. So beat that!

I've spent the last handful of days house-, horse-, and dog-sitting, and I have decided a few things. Firstly, dogs are evil and the bane of my existence. I did not get one full-night of sleep the whole time because first the stupid fluffy dog wouldn't sleep upstairs without his owners and then he wanted to go out at 1 in the morning. Then he wouldn't come back in. I was worried because they specified that he sleeps inside and upstairs, and he's an old dog, so I would get up every once in a while and see if he wanted in again. Which he never did. Then he wanted breakfast at 6 in the morning, and so did the horses. Fortunately, I wasn't in charge of feeding the horses breakfast and could lay around in bed until *gasp* 6:30 before I went out and helped with the watering and cleaning.

Secondly, no matter that they wake up too early, I'm all for having horses as pets. It's the best of the dog and cat worlds. They're pretty friendly when they get to know you, but not overly annoying and clingy like the previously mentioned bane. And they're so cute!! I don't want to ride them, just keep them around. We were taking care of six horses and I got to know about four of them pretty well. There's this one old one who I was having a little friendly fight with. He gets special food that the others like, so we had to isolate him, and then he didn't want to go back. We didn't put any halter or bridle on them for breakfast, whatever those things are. So I'd push and push and push, and he'd just look and me and wander off like I wasn't putting my whole weight on him. And he let me pet his ears, which the other ones don't like at all. Once he got in a fight with one of the dogs because he wanted to eat her food, or at least knock it over.

Korina was telling me about their little hierarchy too. They all respect Danny, the old one, because he's old, and let him have the first pick of the food. And then next is a girl-horse named Bella. When the others try to mess with her, Korina says she grrrrs at them. I haven't heard the literal growling, but it's certainly apparent when someone's not pleased with someone else. The big ones are kept mostly separate from the rest, but even they respect the little old pony Danny.

Once I read a story with this old lady who had a pony who was like her dog and would come in the house and everything. Maybe that'd be a bit messy, but I wonder if I could train one. It's all about the cute horses now, who needs a dog or cat for a pet!

I hate it when I'm whiny, which is all the time, but here I go again.

I need to get a job, so I can get my own place, so I can get out of this crazy zoo!! But there are too many people and too little cars, especially that I can drive, so for the moment, I can't get a job and don't have anywhere to go, so I'm stuck in the zoo!! There is no way I'm ever going to become a housewife because I would kill everyone in sight. Half the time, I'm afraid I'll do it anyway, or at least scream at everyone whose annoying little habits are driving me insane.

My cousin from the UAE, Remzey, is in the country now and staying here. He's starting college in a couple weeks and still acts like a 10-year-old. Good thing he's got his own dorm room. Anyway, he won't keep his hands off Ben, the 11-year-old, and they yell and scream into the night. If I have two boy-children, one of them is going into the dumpster. Anyway, point. He's got one of those voices that doesn't know how to get lower than a bellow, and it's another one of those things that's driving me crazy. I really hope that's not how I sound, you know, when you tell me that I have a loud voice, 'cause I don't sound like that to me, but I imagine he doesn't sound like that to himself either.

I'm considering a career in hermitism. My favorite time is when I'm alone, there are no ambient noises, and I'm reading a book. Yesterday a friend came over unannounced and invited me to go swimming on the beautiful day. I said no. There were some other reasons, but mostly I was just happy with my book. I didn't even think about those other reasons until after I said no. I must be making some progress because, unlike at SUA, certain of my bodily functions have begun to regulate themselves, which is a positive for any future children that I could possible have.

Goodbye to the Japanese.

I hung out with a friend of mine from high school the other day. It was slightly depressing. We had a lot of fun together, but I hadn't seen her in a long time and we have nothing in common any more. Each of us spent the whole time trying to talk about ourselves because we had no other topic. The only thing we could find to talk about at any length was Japan. She's doing JET too, and I could give her a little advice from my time there. Overall I don't really see why we need to see each other. I care about what happens to her, but I think email can cover it if all we're going to do is talk about ourselves.

While we were together, I found myself hoping that the same kind of thing doesn't happen to my SUA friends. I'm not the best at keeping in touch anyway, but if we let things go too long, all we'll do is get together for lunch once in a while and try to talk over the other as we babble on about ourselves. That's one of the reasons I wanted to do the bookclub, so that we could have something in common at least. And if we keep up with the blogs, we can bypass the everyday-newsy part of any get together and go straight to some meat.

I worried that I'm becoming slightly passive.

Okay...interviewed on Wednesday, 45 minutes to get there, kinda far, but it's got a pretty view of the Sound and the cutest little coffee shop by it. I haven't heard back yet...I don't know what to think. It's a brand new place and I got interviewed by all three people who were there, not including the lady I interviewed with on the phone.

But now I hear there may be plans of me going to the U.A.E. in the spring, and my aunt says that maybe I could get a job at one of the hotels because there's crazy construction going on (they're building more than one artificial island) and it's going to be a new tourist hot spot. So I'm thinking if that is the case, maybe I should just do the temp agency thing that I conveniently forgot about during my last round of applications... None of the other peeps called or anything. I guess I'll figure it out when I find out about the Mukilteo job...

Speaking of the aunt. The U.A.E. one got here on Friday, and when she comes, she gives presents. So, among other things, I can now count myself among the MUMU-owning people! Crazy huh? She was going to give it to someone else, but it's all pretty and bright-colored!! So now I have to figure out how and when to where one...

So the lady from the phone interview called back to schedule an in-person interview. But she called at a quarter to 9, so my brother picked up my phone. I called her back and we set it up for tomorrow. If I get the job, I'll have to take some major backroad-age, so my aunt is coming with me and we're giving ourselves an hour and a half to get there. Hopefully it will only take 45 minutes to get there...I can always hope.

What kind of job? People have been asking, so I'll just write it here. The one I have an interview for is at a skin care place where I would be an underling to do a bunch of people's bidding. The other two were similar without quite as much on the job description. And I don't know what kind of companies those were. Anywho, I didn't want to get stuck in the assistant thing, 'cause who knows when I could get out of it, but it's the type of job I feel most comfortable applying for and carrying out.

So we'll see what happens. I'm going to look a little more, and maybe apply to a couple more, but if these people offer me the job and no one else has even contacted me, I'll take it, unless I can't stand the people or something.

The "Official Monday" started at 7:00 this morning, about 3 hours earlier than usual. I set the alarm for 7:30, but when I came downstairs after two snooze sessions and a shower and discovered that it was only 7:50, I did some investigating. Turns out, the alarm clock is 30 minutes fast. Must remember to rectify this, or else never set the alarm again.

So anyway, I got back from breakfast at noon...yeah yeah yeah, taking my grandparents to breakfast takes a long long time. Then I had to read outside for awhile because the maids were still cleaning. THEN, I got to Official Monday business...and people practically attacked me on MSN. Long story short, I sent my resume to three places today, and about an hour later I got a call from one of them! Isn't there some kind of grace period for that kind of thing. I had to close my computer and hope they wouldn't record my email when they looked at my resume and laughed at the thought that I might think I could get a job. Money is so...crude. Alli knows what I'm talking about. This is in the same category as asking for my money when they forgot to pay me in Japan. Asking for a job is only slightly less painful than asking for money, because it is asking for money, but in a more polite way. But of course, the first thing the lady asks me is what kind of salary I'm expecting. Yeah, that's how it works, but it seems so...uncouth to me. Maybe I should start my own thesaurus service.

Phone interview went okay except for the unpreparedness I suppose. Korina said it was funny to watch me as I looked for the right word. Sounds like there's a good chance I'll get an in-person interview. But now I'm panicking. What if I get that job? Do I want it? What if I don't accept it and then no one else calls. Sounds like an okay job, lots of stuff to do and all, but still. Oh panic panic.

And I'm not sure about the commute time between Mukilteo and Kirkland. I know Monroe to Mukilteo won't be fun.

Breath. It wouldn't be forever anyway. And I don't have to accept it even if by some miracle they decide they want to hire a 16-year-old look-alike.

Oh yeah, and Uyen, do you want to join our bookclub? I don't have your email.

I am in rapid prep for the coming of the Monday. Figured out a snappy organizational technique for the resume and everything. And I'm learning how to apply make-up, so I don't look like a 16-year-old, thus ruining any chance of a nice person hiring me at some future and hypothetical interview.

Today I figured out what city I'm moving to when I move out. Kirkland. Yes, that is the home of Ray from 06. Today we when to the Original Pancake House in Kirkland (one of only two in Washington) and it has the cutest little downtown that I never noticed before. We got totally turned around and had to ask for directions and everything, which I think is the mark of a good traditional and little downtown. It's funny because we drive through Kirkland sometimes to avoid traffic on 405, but I've never noticed its coolness before. The next little town over, Juanita, has the coolest apartments above a little grouping of shops. I've always wanted to live over a shop. So, if the Kirkland thing doesn't work out, I'll move there, though the town of Juanita is not nearly as interesting as Kirkland.

So now that that's settled, let's see about a carreer!!

Oh yeah, and Sammi, it would be AN official Monday. And you'll have to look in the archives for the post regarding the longest weekend ever.

Yesterday was my dad's 50th birthday. I suppose I should get him a present.

I think I will declare this coming Monday as my official Monday and everything that comes with it. Good luck to me.

Siobhan sent me a bunch of random pictures of me. This is by far the coolest one. I guess I should email her back to thank her. Oh the energy it takes!! And hurrah for the picture uploading. I hope it works better than than dumb Picasa did!

I bought $100 chair yesterday. Lime green sure is in lately.

I need a job.

I added 2500 miles to the rental in 4 days...and I barely drove for two of those days.

So we only made it 100 miles or so north of L.A. before we had to sleep, but I made us wake up way early and we rolled into Portland before 8:00pm! Just in time to be fed dinner by the Ellie's Mom Style Parental Unit. So I left and made it home by midnight. No accidents or nothing, just some quickly aborted attempts at rain.

Number of copper statues along the I-5 corridor: 3. Three spiky tower things in southern Washington, a dragon in northern CA, and a bull in slightly more southern CA.

States with evil drivers: Idaho, Illinois

State with considerate drivers: Nevada

Interesting sight: a Corvette pulling one of those tent trailer things. When you come up behind, it looks like it's driving itself. We passed in somewhere in NorCal, and then I passed it again in SoWash.

Random thought for you: wouldn't it be cool if I was really a new species of person! Maybe my innards are all different from normal humans and I am the beginning of the next generation of people. Oooo, maybe a balanced meal for the new people is a fast food meal!! Then I remembered that although I've never had a full body scan proving that I'm regular, I have had my appendix out, and I think they might have noticed something amiss at that point.

Tomorrow I will drive 1,000 miles. Goody. Renting a car costs lots of money!

School's over, and we can't get the good stuff back. But the evilness can follow us still. I went to a fiftieth birthday party yesterday. I was thinking, wow, all of her birthdays lined up in a row would be nigh on two months straight!

Oh motivation, where art thou (notice that I didn't write "wherefore art thou" because that would mean "why are you Romeo." I suppose then my question should really be "wherefore art thou not motivated." Hey, at least I remember something from Shakespeare class.

Sweet vindication!!!! The doctor guy on the tv told a pregnant woman that she had a parasite!! Take that you foul detractors!

This is the longest weekend of my life!!! And I don't mean the last two days. Every time I say that I'll do something, I mean that I'll do it on Monday, but there is no Monday. With no obligations, no job, there is nothing to anchor the week, so I feel like it's Groundhog's Day. Except it's a Saturday instead of a silly holiday, so I can't even kidnap a rodent and drive into a gravel pit in a crazy attempt to end the madness. (Morbid tidbit, my mom wanted to kill herself by driving into a gravel pit, but she couldn't find one. I think there was one right off the highway, but she wasn't in her right mind you know. Morbid question, how do I know this?)

Things I have accomplished...
Had a job interview today, decided I can't deal with a stupid nothing job, gonna keep looking.
Made an appointment to get a tattoo on Thursday, Squishy from Nemo.
My nails have been a different color every day this week.
My hair has washout highlights, first time I've colored it in any way, ever.
It's STRAWBERRY season in Washington!! (okay I didn't accomplish that, but it's still pretty cool)

I eat out at least once a day now, if not more. It's reeking havoc on my attempt to eat balancedly. Oh yeah, and I gotta find a car for California!!!!!!!! Evilness lurks.

Surprise surprise, nothing new to report. I have spent the last two day watching hours and hours of television programs on DVD. I have completed the first seasons of Charmed and Wonderfalls. If you're looking for a new show, I would say a big N-O to Charmed, but Wonderfalls is cute. Too bad I didn't discover it until after it was cancelled. It's about this funky girl who gets ordered around by inanimate animal heads. They get her into trouble and she often doesn't understand what their cryptic instructions mean, but it always turns out in the end.

Okay, I'm way scared that I just wrote a paragraph about a t.v. show...

To Ann: I'm ashamed of you for forgetting your nickname on my site. And I think 253-332-4961 is the number you're looking for. And you can't comment on my blog because I messed with the skin all those many moons ago. Mean to fix it, but I'm scared of losing my links and stuffs.

Today was a good day, though not exactly one to help the future.

One of the happitizing items is the return of my cell phone. I am now available to the world. Same number.

I picked up an application for Ben Franklin today. I was thinking that I wanted to jump straight into a career-type job...but I guess it would be cool to have a mindless job until I can find something really cool.

No word on the UAE thing yet. Gotta talk to the father to see if he would fund such a trip...but first things first, he can only handle one thing at a time...if he can even handle the one.

Got some leads on the salsa thing. Seattle is not completely devoid of Cuban salsa as I had feared.

Posting posting...

Today was supposed to be the big push that started me off in the right direction...yeah. I woke up at 7:00, went to breakfast with my grandparents at 8:00, picked up a bunch of people and celebrated a friend's birthday for lunch, did some errands and then took a nap. Then we went back out, went back to my grandparents went to the grocery store, ate dinner, and then watched tv for a couple hours.

I tell you. Whoever says that this is not a different time zone was crazy. I went from going to bed at midnight at the very earliest and waking up at 10 or so, to going to bed at 11 at the very latest and waking up between 7 and 9. My body is not used to this and it's definitely taking some time to adjust.

On the plus side, my resume is slightly more developed and I have spent about 5 minutes looking for jobs online. My dad gave me some names...you know, it's possible it could help...maybe. I guess he's just worried about me finding a job. Who knows, I never talk to the man.

Oh yeah, and sorry if I'm boring you with all the inane details of my totally boring life right now. If you hadn't noticed, I spend a lot of time with my family up here. If you're tired of the whole thing, I'd check back in in a few weeks, hopefully I'll have something interesting to report then.

I can feel the rut beginning to etch its way into my soul. I noticed that I'm not as interested in reading the news obsessively now that it's not a form of procrastination. Tomorrow I will be as productive as I can and hope its not too late.

Today I went to lunch with my grandparents at the stupid, totally low-class "restaurant" they go to every Friday. He says he likes the waitresses and that they like him. All he is to them is a tip, and not a fabulous one at that. They live by their regulars.

My grandfather introduced me to Tiffany, forgetting, like he does every time I come home, that I've met her a million times and not realizing that I couldn't care less about her. This time he got to include the little gem about the recent graduation that we're all aware of.

She says, "Congratulations, you must have a lot of patience. After I graduated from high school I just couldn't wait to get a job and move out of the house. And, no offense or anything, but I get paid as much or more than you're going to. People ask me when I'm going to get a real job, but I tell them that I make more money working here than they do working with computers or whatever."

Oh, by the way, this is the girl that spent the entire time complaining how she can't eat anything because she got some wisdom teeth pulled. Not because the teeth are sore, mind you, they're mostly healed. But she has spent so much time compensating with the front part of her jaw that it's tired now too. And she needs to go back for more cleaning, but she doesn't have the money upfront, so she has to wait for a few more months. See, she doesn't have health insurance. But still college is a waste of time and she has no need for a career or anything.

I wanted to say something snooty about how college is about betting yourself and not just about how much money you get paid. But I realized, there's no point. And I realized, even if I do only get paid the same amount as that annoying girl, at least I know something about something, when all she seems to do all day is suck up to people so they'll give her a nice tip so she can get her teeth cleaned.

Day 2: Today I...

*was unable to sleep past 6:30 because I went to sleep at 11 last night
*ate an unhealthy breakfast out with my aunt and great-aunt
*visited my other great-aunt and talked about how I don't know what I'm doing
*went antiquing and found lots of things I can't buy because I have no house and no money
*ate really good strawberry-rhubarb pie with ice cream
*tried to get a new, working cell phone but had to wait until Tuesday when my dad pays the bill
*visited my grandparents and talked about how I don't know what I'm doing
*seriously considered the possibilities of going to the UAE for a while
*made the goal to fix up my resume as soon as possible
*am thinking about changing my blog skin to one with titles

Anyone wanna hear something kinda depressing?

Last night when the plane started to take off, it hit me even more. As we were going down the runway, one of the worst times for me anyway, I was thinking, maybe the plane will crash and I'll die. I can't see what going to happen from now anyway, maybe I've fulfulled my mission in life. That would certainly make me feel a lot better. I was slightly disappointed when we got up all right.

When we got above the clouds, there was a second sunset. It was pretty cool, but instead of making me feel inspired, it made me more depressed. I think I feel like a failure because I wasn't able to come up with a masterplan for my life and how I am going to contribute to saving the world.

My aunt tried to convince me to spend some time in the Middle East before finding a permanent job here. It's starting to sound pretty good, and the arguments I had against it don't seem to be standing up so well. Don't be surprised if I end up in the UAE for 6 months or so.

If my posts had titles, this one would be: My First Blog as a Graduate/Alumnus/Alumness

And if it had an emotion indicator, it would be about a 57. I haven't worked out the imaginary scales yet.

I'm going to pack now and see if everything will fit.

My dad forgot the cello. We're going to have to come back for it.

How about a blog since I can't sleep.

Uhh, I can't sleep. Been awake since 5:00am, translating into about 4 hours of sleep. Still have the chance for a couple more hours if I can manage to fall asleep again.

I'm really disturbed by the fact that my dad's friend Delle is here. Firstly, my dad never told me and I'm wondering if he'll be able to get into the ceremony (and hoping that he can't?). It's only luck, recalcitrance, and the fact that I thought my dad might do something like this that I didn't give the ticket away. I've warned Ann and Uyen to not let anything he says reflect on me. If you're out there and you think you may be in danger, by all means, be warned. Hopefully they'll avoid him, that's what I plan on doing.

Since I've been lying awake, I've been having daydreams about telling him off and not allowing him to come today or tomorrow. If he's annoying or obnoxious, I think I may actually forbid him to come, or a least cut him off really shortly. This is my thing right? I can invite anyone I want, and I didn't even invite him. I would understand why he's here if we had borrowed his truck, but we didn't.

Oh yeah, did I tell you? There's no truck, only a minivan. I am very annoyed, and if it all doesn't fit, he's just going to have to rent a U-Haul. Why do I have to be annoyed at my own graduation?

Can you tell what's on my mind? See you tomorrow, maybe for the last time for a while.

Tomorrow I take my computer in to be mind-wiped. If I never return, you know where to look for me.

The first day of Capstone-freedom... ...

I'm gonna have a store and be really strict. All the worker-people are going to always be polite and keep everything organized...or they're fired. I hate it when the stores are all disorganized. And when the worker-people are disinterested or rude or just odd-seeming.

I like to whistle in the stairwell.

Thought during Capstone:

Can you get addicted to water? And do they have clinics for that kind of thing?

Career Goal:

To be a three-way cross between Jorge Luis Borges, Sei Shonagon, and Chuang Tsu.

138 footnotes.

Hehe, so my favorite book topic so far is When I Rule the World...

Shhh, be very very quiet. Sammi's reading my Capstone, and I don't want you to distract her!

Why are Scrapbook, International Festival, and Capstone all coming to a head at the same time? I thought I was being so good in limiting my activities this year.

Happy last day of April...not.

I am officially not crazy worried about Capstone anymore. Yeah, I still have to keep working, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Now, my anxiety attacks are about life after graduation. That's right. I was looking around my room today, and I realized that we would never be here again. The minute we step off campus, we're alumni and it's not about us anymore.

I really hope I'm not homeless.

I'm not allowed to throw away banana peels in the room anymore. It's a long walk downstairs, let me tell you.

I can't blog using Explorer anymore either. If just doesn't work. Good thing Sammi randomly downloaded Foxfire one day when I told her not to.

I want my last name to be Hoogenboom. That'd be way cool.

I want to go outside so much, but what would I do once I got out there? Probably the same thing I'm doing in here: nothing.

I guess it's time to try to be productive in some way. Oh yeah, I'll download the latest MSN Messenger. I've been meaning to do that. It's not productive particularly, but it means that I can not look at the computer screen for about 30 seconds, which is a plus.

It's 3:00 in the West.

Oh no! I'm about to write song lyrics. Look out!!

"Shout, shout, let it all out!"

I'm trying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't decide which is better silence or music.

And soon I may have to shut the blinds.

I can't even bring myself to unplug the internet.

It's okay, today is about assessment.

It will all be okay.

It will all be okay.

Maybe I'll look up publishing internships or copy editor stuff.

It will all be okay.

How many times to I have to say it before it will be true?

It will all be okay.

IT. WILL. ALL. BE. OKAY.

What's wrong with the world when a state senate says that to say "hey you, you can't kick that person out of their house for being gay!" would be detrimental to society or just isn't necessary? Oh let me count the ways. One one thousand...two one thousand...three one thousand...

Just the sort of pick-me-up I needed to start of my day off right! ...

Is it bad that the only times I've had feelings of accomplishment lately are when I've finished a bunch of scrapbook pages?

I am a wreck!

I read in an article that some people think that humans are genetically predisposed to monogamy because of emotions like jealousy. I don't think they meant it as any special comment on human beings, but it translated in my mind to: our foremost emotion is jealousy. And now I'm kinda obsessed with the idea. It keeps coming up in my thoughts. When I start tracking my thoughts, the first thing that comes up is jealousy. And in thinking about it, I've discovered that I am an extraordinarily jealous person.

I'm jealous of people's success
I'm jealous of people's time
I'm jealous of people's happiness and laughter
I'm jealous of people who seem to be okay with themselves
I'm jealous of people's health, mental and physical
I'm jealous of people's peace
I'm jealous of people who have people to understand them
I'm jealous of people who are open

But the whole time, I tell myself not to be. Is it like the negative feedback psychology thingy? Because I keep mentioning it, it's always on my mind?

Another random thought (gee I hope I'm not forcing them):

caveat: don't even try to think about the thought process involved in this one.

So there's this book I read a while ago in which Neanderthals came to be the dominant species and not homo sapiens or whatever we were back then. [Did you know that, according to this book anyway, its possible that home erectus (we) killed off the Neanderthals? Isn't that crazy? Our first case of genocide.] Anyway, in this other reality, all the women lived together in the center of town and the men only visited for a couple days a month. It wasn't that the men couldn't go to visit the females, but everyone just led different lives. The men all went when the women were ovulating and could concieve chilren...yeah anyway. 'Cause the women were all on the same cycle because they all lived together. So the point is that, while men could go visit the women, if they went during that one week a month...they couldn't get any taxis to take them and buses diverted their routes and stuff.

And I was thinking, dude, that must suck for the women to all be PMSing at the same time! And then I was thinking, dude, that's what happens here. And the men all do it too.

Okay, real quick.

I'm listening to the Garden State soundtrack while writing my paper. Haha, paper shmaper, as long as I pass. Anyway, so, I'm thinking that it's possible that Atalienay Ortmanpay (I just hate talking bad about people so that they'd be able to understand =P) is kind of a flighty person? I know that a million gajillion men in the world are in love with her, and I would totally be if I had to pick a woman to be in love with...but can you name a movie that she's been in (as an adult) that she didn't start dating a costar in? Okay, maybe Closer, but who knows. She dated the stupid bad actor boy in Star Wars, Zach what's his name in Garden State, her costar in some movie taking place in Israel... But she did have the good taste to date Gael Garcia...so...hmmm

Just a random thought that is keeping me from graduating.

I have a dream. A dream of a perfect man. He will approach me at a loud and ruckus party with a beer in his hand and be visibly inebriated. He will be so close to me as he speaks that I can smell the peanuts on his breath. He will know instinctively that I am an intuitive person and feel safe enough to share with me his deepest and darkest secret. He'll lean in even closer and, in a voice that's just hitting adolescence, say to me, "I'm a time traveller. Wanna go back to my time for some drinks?" And I'll know that we were meant to be together, and we will be, for the rest of our lives, or at least until he returns to his own time. Yup, that's how's it's gonna happen.

I...am obsessed with my own eye color. Today I'm wearing a blue shirt, so my eyes should be blue right? But I just went to the bathroom, and my eyes looked green in the mirror. Now, I seem to remember myself lamenting that my eyes could turn any color except green. So what's up with that? And remember that one time I wore a brown shirt, but my eyes were blue? I thought my eyes changed color because they were reflecting the color I was wearing, but these instances seem to be defying convention. So I will continue to watch from the background and see if I can catch a glimmer of understanding about the inner workings of my eye color. Or, maybe I'll catch the little green buggers who are switching my eyes when I'm not looking.

I beginning to doubt whether I will be able to finish everything. I may just have a breakdown and finish nothing.

Three things:

1)I don't like Tomoko Takahashi.
2)I feel like we had to give up our privacy rights to go here
3)Whenever I feel like writing stuff down, I can't sign in to the stupid thing!!!

This is me.

Where is me? I must be lost somewhere in cyberspace, don't you hate it when that happens?

Listening to French music.
Dad sent a check for tuition.
My brother is going to harass billygoats under a bridge.
I don't want my life to revolve around Capstone any more.
Why is education so important anyway?
Rice is heavy in my stomach.
I need to get a really big picture album.
I don't know how to write a reasearch paper.
Would old people be madmen monsters or hunchback monsters?
Alex walks between 370 and 315 more than anyone else.
I have no motivation.

I AM doing homework.

Nothing new. Still bored out of my mind. Wondering, if I'm so bored, why don't I do some work?

50-75 page Capstone...on...what?

12-15 page Philosophy paper...on...what?

15 page Shakespeare paper...on...what?

Phat Vu giving silly amounts of homework...on...what?

Jessica is going to die.

I'm trying to blog, I really am, I'm just so confused about what I'm thinking that it wouldn't really make sense to write what I think I'm thinking, or what I'm trying to convince myself that I'm thinking, or what I'm trying to convince myself that I think I'm thinking...you get the point.

Only Point I'm Sure About: Time is running out!!! For EVERYTHING! Time to get on top of it, or...well, I'll have a lot more time...I suppose.

It's 11 o'clock. Normally, I should be getting mighty sleepy right now and be trying to convince myself to stay up just 30 more minutes. But thanks to that 4 hour nap in the middle of the day, I'm good! hehe. Must regulate body...sleep...eating...habits.

I used to think that I had a really strong will-power over myself, but now I'm not so sure. I want it back.

I finally logged-in, but now I'm outta the mood. Maybe tomorrow night, Honey.

Dear God,

Some people say mean things about the things I like, like scarves. Sometimes they say they're tacky, and sometimes they just laugh at me. I've tried to do the right thing and denounce them as my friends, but it doesn't seem to work. So I was wondering if you could help me out. I was wondering if you could do what you do best and smote them. I wouldn't ask for anything too fancy, or course. Maybe just a little smoting for each one. It would sure help me out a lot.

Thanks,

Jessica

Test...test. This is just a test to see if this thing is still on.

I'm just warming up the engine.

I'm alive, alive. Lost contact with the internet for a while there.

Update:
Back in the States
No culture shock to speak of
Fine with a fork
Stomach shrunk though...got only halfway through a hamburger at Red Robin
Still trying to find all the presents that I packed in random spaces
Found the earrings that I lost in Tokyo
Nothing to blog about now that I'm back where I belong

Ellie's going to do the Senior Scrapbook!!! So excited!!! Something for me to organize.

10 days...or so.

Am I changing? Or has it already been there. I haven't really become very close to anyone from the program or the school.

I'm so much quieter here than at home or at school, and not just because of the whole not speaking the language thing. I can ride in the car for an hour with just me and my host mom, and the only thing I'll say is to point out a car from Nagoya and comment that it must have been quite a drive. Sometimes I'd rather just sit. I'm not bothered to ride the subway with two Japanese guys and have them talking to each other in Japanese and me staring at the advertizements like normal. I kind of enjoy riding the bus or subway by myself for more than an hour.

But when I'm with Sammi and/or Allison, I talk just as much as normal. That is, I never shut up. Am I afraid of putting myself out there? And I satisfied with the people I already know and don't care to meet new people? If this is so, what happens after Soka, and we all move to our various homes around the world? I'll have to make new friends somewhere.

I feel like writing lately. I've had thoughts like, that would be a good book. But do I have time? Probably, I'm sure I'm just scared that it wouldn't be any good. Would it be just a story book? Would it have some deep meaning? In a hundred years, will anyone care? I feel like my thoughts and ideas are different from other peoples, and if I wrote a book, maybe I could explain them to myself. But I wouldn't want to invent feelings with which to write a book. So which comes first, the chicken or the egg?

So I've decided that even though I said that Japan doesn't have purple grass and a green sky(see first or second entry of alternate blog), there really is purple grass and a green sky, it's just disguised as green grass and blue sky. Confused? Visually there are some difference, but once you get used to that, it seems the same as wherever else, or at least it did to me. With all the things that matter, Japan is the same: everyone has five fingers on each hand, and they all like to have fun, and life is a daily thing for them too. But it's the little things that are different: everyone sits through all the credits at the movies, and they have horrible fashion sense, and they bow when they thank or meet people.

In some ways, all people are the same, well, at least all people that I've come in contact with. I think in all the important ways, that's how it is. All people are first and foremost people, and then they are whatever, whoever, wherever. And when I go to a new place, I'm disappointed that I can't immediately see and feel the difference to the core of my being. But the differences are different from what you think. They are smaller and sometimes you can't see them except for some random part of you that never tells the you who's YOU what it thinks. You just have to gradually come to know it. And at the same time to recognize it, you see your own culture or language more clearly. Trying to figure out why they do what they do, you have to understand why YOU do what you do.

If my experience here was exactly as I expected, I wouldn't have needed to come because I wouldn't have learned anything new. Fortunately, I don't quite remember what I expected because it all seemed like a big black hole. Maybe that's the best way, because then we don't have to be disappointed too much.

Hmmm, I'm supposing that some people are out there thinking, "wow, she is strange. Japan is completely different and there is no way it couldn't be." But the food, the houses, the external stuff that you can see is all easy to get used to. Maybe at the beginning it freaks you out to eat rice at every meal, but you can get used to it. I think the real cool crazy stuff is the stuff that you can't get used to, or you can't figure out why it's done. The stuff that just seems different but you can't explain why. Any of the physical stuff like food and clothes you can take anywhere and recreate, but you can't recreate Japan, and that's the interesting stuff.

I'm a cucumber, I'm a cucumber, I'm a cucumber, I'm a cucumber.

That's truly how I feel right now. That is, not really feeling...I guess.

The only emotions that I feel very strongly are the type that I don't necessarily want to be broadcasting. Cool as a cucumber.

I want to be supported by someone I divorced but still be dating someone else! What's with that?

Why can't I speak Japanese???

Why am I complaining so much? ...let's not get into that mess!

I'm still tired all the time! Darn it! What am I going to do when I get back to school and find that my 10 hours of sleep have diminished to, maybe, 6? (if I neglect homework and sleep early)

I have to say: Typing on a keyboard is really nice!!

Laptops!! Yea! So Eric didn't lie to me about something!

It is SOOOOO hot and humid right now. Actually, just humid. One of the (many and myriad) reasons I came to Sapporo is because everyone told me it's not humid up here. Not all the Sapporites tell me this is really uncommon...but I don't want to believe. The typhoon the other day, yeah, typhoon, helped for one day, but now it's back to really painful. Talk about stepping out the door and down the street and already being covered in sweat! Give me more typhoons!! Amy (girl from Saipan) says that she knew a typhoon was coming because of the humidity. Does that mean another one is coming?

Cheers for the 85-year-old rock-climbing enemy-of-Nixon Seattlite!! Only one we got. I remember doing a report on him...or his family...in middle or high school.

I discovered...well...Alison got it first, doesn't like it, and won't get it again...this great grapefruit drink. Now, it's funny, but I never ate grapefruit before coming to Japan. Now I eat it all the time...breakfast, in drinks... I wonder if I'll eat it when I get back? I always thought I didn't like grapefruit. But I'm pretty sure I won't be able to find the drink in the U.S. I can't even find it most places in Japan, only at the school store!

Someone is watching Charlie's Angels. I wanna watch a movie, but I never have time. I am stupid! When I have lots of free time, I want something to do, but when I have stuff to do, I whine about it. Just hit me! (one more time?) Brittany gets stuck in my head here, please help me!

When I'm teaching English, the kids think the stupid things I do are really funny. We were singing the ABCs and I started trying to make the letters with my body. When I say that the penguin is my favorite animal (you gotta have a favorite and least favorite everything with these people: penguins, spiders; sushi, onions; orange, brown) I walk like a penguin. Now...is this my personality coming out? or am I acting for the kids? Is there a difference?

I shouldn't be allowed to run the video camera...I make sound effects while I'm filming. I even hum. And it all gets caught on tape. It's not a good thing to be taping!

Yes, Monday. I was not in the mood for class today. I kept getting angry at the teacher for doing teacher things. Like I was annoyed that you couldn't use certain forms with certain adjectives. It's not like it's her fault, but I was still glaring at her and wanted to just stop doing the classwork. Hormones must be going a little wonky I guess.

There is absolutely nothing going on in my head. Sometimes during the day, I am all about cool things to blog, but I get here and nothing comes.

So far in Japanese literature class, the books have been good to interesting to okay, but the last one we have to read is just evil. I don't understand the purpose, and I don't even think it was written that well. His sentences are all short and choppy, and I swear sometimes they don't fit the whole subject-verb-object rule we got going. Yeah, I'm bitter.

Today they were handing out bibles in front of the student store. They are in Japanese and English. I got one, but then I was reading, and it's in oldish Japanese, like King James of course, and I don't think it will help me particularly to read old Japanese when I can't even read new Japanese yet...

What's going on?? I don't know, you tell me.

Everyone is all like, "oh no, only 4 weeks left. Woe is me!" But they have been saying it since it was 6 weeks left. So instead of enjoying the time, they are just lamenting the passing of the time. Why do you need to worry about how much time there is left? It's just silly if you ask me, and it just gets everyone depressed.

So, I think there should be a rule that you know when you are stressed out. I am having bags under my eyes all the time. Yesterday they were really bad, and I was scared everyone was looking at them. But I totally get enough sleep. I think I get at least 8 or 9 hours a night. So I must be stressed out I guess. It takes a little more energy to live in this country because of the having to pay excessive attention to everything in order to slightly understand it, but I don't think that it's as pronounced as all that! Anywho...

Looking forward to Tokyo! Not looking forward to the big test tomorrow. We finished the book and now we have to take the test. It's so unfair!! Looking for the peanut butter-like sesami candy that Sammi's mom gave her. Yummy! Haven't gone to karaoke in a while, I should go. Gotta figure out this whole getting paid thing. I hope the work permit thing that Satoh san is making me get doesn't make things crazy complicated! I should eat more vegetables, and not vegetables that are...ahhh, what is the word? soaked in vinegar...like pickles...tsukemono...anyway, more raw vegetables.

Yesterday while I was teaching, the kids really liked the socks I was wearing. Especially the boys. How weird is that? Though I do have to admit, they are kinda neat.

There are people watching Bring It On over there. I don't think I would be seen watching a movie like that in public. Though I did see it, so how did I see it?? Who can remember that far into the past.

There is a guy on the subway just about every single day who enters at the very front of the train and then walks back a couple of cars. This is in the morning when there are lots of people standing. Everyone, including me, gives him an annoyed look when he does this, but he continues to do it day-after-day. And he's not a foreigner either.

Five-day weekend starting tomorrow. Festivals and more festivals.

Dog had to be put to sleep. Why does it bother me so much? She wasn't even really my dog, I just lived with her sometimes. She was a really cute puppy though.

It's Friday night and...something.

I decided what I want to be when I grow up. I want to have a stupid tv show that I can invite dumb people onto the show and tell them random things and make them have stupid contests. Doesn't that sound like fun. I think so. There was one last night where that had these two chicks competing at a bunch of stuff like: using an abacus and playing pingpong and other stuff, but I forget, because I am trying to chat and type and blog all at the same time!!! Today they had all sorts of people wearing wedding veils and throwing bouquets onto a velcro surface. Talk about strangness!

I have been writing this blasted blog for at least two hours now. The train of thought is gone. I apologize.

It's all Ally's fault!! She made me go and ask the official people, and she knows I always tell everything, and I didn't know anything!! Stupid stupid. So maybe now I have to apply for some change in my visa and all that stupidity because of my stupid job!

I hope this thing doesn't fizz out on me.

Connected today with the local underground SGI. It's like a spy mission in a Christian university. Next we will all be wearing black and skulking about campus trying the shakabuku people. Won't that be fun?!?!

But I'm supposed to be converting while I'm here. I forgot.

Sooo, interesting weekend, went to the onsen with exchange students and a whole bunch of Japanese freshmen girls. I'm sure Ally will tell you all about it. Now I don't know what to say because Ally and I have been sitting here talking about it for the last hour.

Highlights:
*Ally is a bad girl.
*The word itadakimasu can be used in so many more ways than it is. For instance, while playing tennis or taking pictures.
*There needs to be something to do while drinking, not just drinking. nomi nagara...
*Freshmen are SO young!
*Always have the drinking party in someone else's room or you sill be stuck with no place to sleep and a mess in the morning.
*You should never say the words "sekushi pousu" (sexy pose) to teachers...but
*Teachers can play the game as well as students
*I miss Japanese people I can actually communicate with and want to communicate with!
*Sammi is strong woman for leaving the bathing suit behind.

Last Friday Ally and I bought shoes!! We both bought Converse. Mine are pink, and Ally made me buy sparkly laces. They, the shoes AND the laces, make me happy, even though the lases are too short and the shoes take way to long to put on, especially for Japan. I also bought this crazy, expensive thing, but I can't tell you what it is, just in case it ends up as a present. I don't know what I'm going to do with it yet.

So much is happening all over the world, except right here. All my fault. I think I'm going to go see a taiko perform next week or sometime. I wonder if I would be closer to the other exchange students if Sammi and Ally weren't here. Or would I be even more of a recluse than I am? My thoughts are turning more and more random, I wonder if that's a bad thing or a good thing. But then when it's time to think, I can't do it. Just sit back and let it flow.

Going to Nisseko this weekend. Ought to be interesting. I don't think all the exchange students have been in one location in a while. More slumber parties like when we first got here. That was fun, hopefully it will be fun again.

So, we had a big test today. Covering 6 chapters or so. After the speaking part, when we had to talk with the teacher, she asked me if I had studied a lot. I guess that means I did well...she kept making little comments during the test, but I just figured that's part of the whole "be supportive" thing. Anyway, so I didn't study that hard, I just understood the questions a lot better this time. I hope it's because I'm getting better, not because it was easy stuff. But then we were talking about how we are almost done with the book and what are we going to do when we finish it. I hope we can just have discussion classes or work on vocabulary or keep practicing what we know. There can't be all that much grammer left to learn anyway that we can't learn just by talking. I need to speak in Japanese more often.

I had a dream about moving back to campus for the last year. It wasn't sad or crazy or weird or antyhing, it was just normal. It was pretty real, except for a few details, like Cassie and Uyen aren't living together and stuff like that. So I'm worrying about my ability to "enjoy the now." I guess I'm not. Arrgghh

Ahh man, talking to people and remembering just makes things sad. DARN YOU SUA! What are we going to do after we graduate in 366 days. There's the number: the countdown has begun. Always forget that there will be homework and work involved next year. It should be just reminiscing and having fun.

On a positive note, I painted my nails all shiny and now I just want to look at them all day long. There is a newfound appreciation for nail...am I going to have to start taking care of them? That would cut some time out of my sleeping schedule.

Going to a Shakespeare play tonight, by a British troope. It will be in English of course, but I wonder if I will understand it.

Is it more fun gossiping about SUA in Japan than it was at school? Maybe just because gossip here means I really go care. VOV says gossip is bad, but I never did it to be mean, I just was to know what's going on, and I'm too shy to ask them myself.

Bloggy bloggy bloggy. Ah, just watched a StrongBad Email. What a happy thing. Sooo, with Sokites leaving the building and the Soka diaspora returning to the homeland, I'm feeling a little behind. I feel like we just started, but we've been going for more than a month. I haven't made any breakthroughs yet, I don't think. But I really want to, isn't that the point of this excursion? And I just heard that we have no Japanese classes for next year. Lovely.

Gonna get better, gonna get better.

I am not good with change! Have we noticed this? I have. So why go and make changes where NONE ARE NEEDED? Just adds more confusion to my life.

Went to see pretty flowers today. Pretty plum flowers. It kinda confuses me as to why they are plum trees, they don't put out plums...which I think is an integral part of the plum tree. So anywho, they are pretty, but not quite all the way bloomed yet. So maybe we'll go back next week. We went in the morning because it gets so crowded during peek hours. So maybe only a few people can go, but it will still be fun anyway.

I'm feeling a bit separated from the other abroaded studiers. I was feeling like we were all integrating pretty well, but lately I have been hanging out with only Sammi and Ally. I hope it doesn't continue like this, but they are the people I see the most, because we have 12 hours of Japanese class together every week... Not to mention that now a certain evil one is ignoring me now. Not that I want us to be friends, but is a casual hello too much to ask for? Apparently so for this one. Whatever, just as long as it doesn't become something annoying.

And I'm getting sick!! Sure taking it's sweet time though. I just want to get it over with!

Quickly quickly, must get home to dinner!

So I now have Ally hooked on blogging. She drags ME in here to blog with her. What do I have to say? I have no life, nothing to report. Except that, why do I have a job and no one else does? It's like the world has frozen over and hell has ended, or something like that.

There is a big test on Monday. So far, I have managed to sleep an extra three hours, waste two sending pictures to Alex so that he won't harrass my program coordinator anymore, and pretended to study for about five mintues. Ain't I good folks?? This test aughta be a breeze. Except for the speaking part. Who says you need to be able to speak a language to be able to speak a language?

So I got my classes, whoop-de-doo. Why was I freaking out for so long? Life is a sad. My life is measured by the amount of time I spend freaked out.

Announcing...The creation of a fantastic new resource for fun and entertainment, laughter and tears, and, most importantly, new fodder for the rumor mills.

www.allichan.blogspot.com

Or just visit my conveniently located link to the left of the screen.

Everyone's doing it, you should too.

Life in the Fast Lane. Or not.

So everyone has been writing sad things, and it makes me sad. The Mad Three (that's my spur of the moment name for us) have been reminiscing like, well, mad lately. I wonder if it's driving others insane. It's certainly driving me insane. The major downside of SUA: getting us all attached to each other. It's like there's still an umbilical cord connecting us all to the mothership. Sooner or later it's going to have to be cut. And you know how it is with chicken pox: the older you are the worse it is. Yeah, I like mixing my analogies, it's fun.

So, Japanese people will watch ANYTHING. They have the randomest shows. I watched one where they put really obscure kanji up and made the people guess the reading for it. And they were all celebrities. I mean, come on people, make a movie or something. And then there was one where they were playing kids games, the kind were you have to clap in rhythm and do some brainy thing at the same time without losing the rhythm or messing up. Craziness. It was funny to watch...for about 2 minutes, and then I had to change the channel.

ARGGGGHHHH Next time around, I will not be in the 1st class. I have no classes to take. But that's okay, I won't be able to register for them anyway, so it's all good.

So, after having three 3-hour literature classes in Japan, I think I'm pretty safe in saying that I'm thankful for the classes at SUA. We read interesting books in class or course, but the discussions are a little limited. Partially it could be because there are only three English speakers in the class besides the teacher, but there is also something about the depth of the questions. He always seems to be concerned about how Japan is portrayed and whether it is an actual portrayal or not. Hello, you're American, and no matter how much you pretend to know about Japan, the truth is that you're still a foreigner who has lived here for a few years. Plus, it's Japanese people writing about themselves, so let them be. And we don't need a summary or a warmup, bring on the tough questions. Just different I suppose, but I don't come out of the class with great and grand new ideas like sometimes happens at SUA, even in a regular run-of-the-mill they-made-me-take-it courses.

Anyway, it sure didn't steal that one. HAHAHAHAHA I have fooled the evil computer masters. Now I need to go do some homework or something.

Eep, the thingy stole my entry. I don't like it when it does that, but I don't know how to make it stop.

And that just makes me sad and not want to write anything...........

I have this weird headache thing going on. I get lots of sleep at night because I am SOOOO tired here for some reason, but I still get headaches. I don't know where they come from, unless they come from thinking too hard.

Oh yeah. And somehow, I've become motivated enough to be a good studied. I have been studying sooooo much in the past week. It's pretty cool, even though I don't really feel like I know all that much more, but I might eventually, so I'm gonna try to keep it up.

Monday monday, wish it were Sunday. Took a placement test today. I don't quite understand how it will place us, the questions were pretty easy to guess on. Anyway... why do I have the feeling I'm going to be stuck in a lower class than I should? I guess that would be okay for reviewing things like particles and the like, but I want to learn how to say stuff to. Maybe I'm just being pessimistic today.

Not really comfortable with the host family yet, I hope it will happen though. It's just weird with the host father. I don't know if I should stay out of his way or what. I'm sure part of it is just that it's new and that's normal. Everyone elses host family sounds really cool.

This sure is a loud keyboard.

I am hungry, but the cafeteria was WAY too crowded when we went over there. Gonna try again later.

Good thing I have a pass that will get me from here to home as many times as I want, because there is nothing to do here now, and if I had to pay to go home, I would be pretty angrified I think.

And what is up with SUA registration. I'm going to develop a twitch if I don't get an email soon. You know, it would have been nice if I had been informed that it's postponed in the first place, instead of having to ask about it. Here I was, thinking that I'm going to be stuck in all 100 courses because I'm out of reach, when all along, nothing is going on. Japanese people write in run-on sentences, I may start doing the same thing.

I hate having two blogs!!!

Inner thoughts, inner thoughts. I having problems separating my inner thoughts from the mush in my brain. And I have 15 minutes in which to do it. Yeah right. And email!!

This is where I'm meeting Jason+
5th subway stop: ima de gawa
Exit 1 at the bottom

3 minutes...gotta go eat lunch. I'm hungry. Jason sure doesn't seem like he fits MY definition of a global citizen, for all that he lives in another country and apparently like Japanese stuff. After this trip, I may have to only see him occasionally. Maybe I'll take a class from a different proffessor. A bunch of the other students are pissed off at him, and who knows how the rest of the trip will go. Hopefully, I will stay busy elsewhere in Tokyo. I gotta go, gotta go!!

What is going on here?

I've got a plan, and that makes me feel good. But the plan, well, truth be told, there are four or five plans, can't begin until I'm back at Soka. So I need a plan for Japan. I think it will be a lot easier when I have a purpose in Japan and am not just a lazy bum spending money all over the place.

At least today I held back. There were earrings that I didin't need...and I didn't buy them...and I only sort of regret it now. On the other hand, I got a messengery-bag type deal that I've been wanting for a long time. Now let's just see if it will last longer than a week!!

So far, I have met two students from the fourth class. One is Yoko Shimura, the daughter of the Japanese Willy Wonka. Isn't that wonderful! But she's really nice. She just graduated from a different university, Tamagawa University. Both Conny and I needed to buy shoes for the graduation ceremony, but 1)they were all over $100 dollars, way over, and 2) none of them fit.

So she came with us to help us find shoes. Turns out, we can fit into the size L shoes, we were just not doing it right before. You need to wear stalkings for it to work. She also showed us a place where all the shoes were on sale for $26. So I got two. Not that I need two pairs, but that's okay, they're cool. One pair is really pointy, which is weird, since I've never had pointy shoes before, but I'll get used to them.

The other girl is Risako Doi, straight from Soka High School. We went to their International Club meeting yesterday and hung out for the day. Did you know Maju was the president of the International Club? I sure didn't, and now I'm going to make fun of her!! Risako lived in the U.S. for four years, so her English is really good. It was weird to speak regular English with Japanese people, and it was still really stunted. Alas, I don't think I'm going to be able to take a Kehlen class next year, at least, not first semester!!

Wrote a really long letter today.

Was annoyed by a bunch of chanters.

Sat in the sun.

Listened to the trees talk.

Watched the birds play.

Found peace in a turbulent seashore.

How do waves work anyway?

Ate too much, and it was good.

Stared off into space while pretending to listen.

Learned a new Japanese phrase.

Became excited about a future class.

Wanted to scream and throw a fit.

Wanted to sleep all day long.

Wanted to escape the craziness.

Wanted to say, "hope to see you soon."

Wanted a culture that I understand.

Wanted to be a people person.

Wanted to forget about tomorrow.

Wanted to express my feelings in song.

Life is not on hold, no matter that this place is not my place. The world keeps spinning, and work progresses even though I'm gone. No one will wait for me, so I should wait for no one.

I have thoughts, many many thoughts.

Spring Break: SUA students in town. Not many, but they are here. We're all attending the SUJ graduation ceremony on Friday, which, of course, the founder will attend. I have to say that, even though everyone keeps congratulating us, I'm beginning to feel a little ambivilant. It's so hyped that I don't even want to participate anymore. I hate the whole invitation thing. I could also feel a little annoyed that we couldn't go to the other ones, but maybe I'm not sure. I know of one person, Japanese member, no connection, as such, to SUA, who attended the Gakuen (high school) graduation and will also be attending the SUA graduation. Now I'm thinking, if there are such limited seats, and everyone wants to go, why does this person get to go to two of them, at least one of which, he has to people in.

Yeah, I'm whiny, but the whole hierarchy thing is the SGI is driving me nuts. If an organization wants everyone to be equal and happy, putting some people above others, and really treating them better, is not the way to go. It's very obvious here that high leaders in the SGI and those connected to them are seen as closer to President Ikeda, and so better than common people. We have been introduced to many leaders, and we are supposed to be ecstatic that we get the opportunity to meet with people we can't communicate with and have nothing to talk about anyway. It's just awkward silence puntuated by stupid and required questions about family members and so forth.

And I'm trying to stay positive and see all the good things, I really am. But I see people learning and passing on the good things without thinking about it. We went to an English gosho lecture, and the dude was saying things that were really unclear and could be taken completely the wrong way, and people were just nodding their headings, like what he was saying was gold. And I was sitting there thinking, "What is this guy talking about." Of course he said some nice things, but he also said things that I absolutely cannot agree with. Can I take the good without the bad? I don't think I can pick apart his lecture and ignore the things I think are wrong. But most other people seemed really happy with what he said.

I don't want to give everyone the benefit of the doubt when they are influencing that many people. The SGI is a very powerful and influential organization within Japan, even in politics. President Ikeda has given a goal of 10 million votes for the Komei Party in the upcoming election. No one I have talked to, even a Komei member, can tell me anything about their platform, except that they are for peace. Great. Not many people seem worried about this. I found ONE. And what if I don't want to vote for them, even if I did know what they were about (and I could vote in Japan)? Would I be kicked out of SGI-land? It's not even a question of whether SGI members will vote Komei. From what I have heard from outside SGI sources about Komei in the past and elsewhere, they run a little to the right. Well, I run pretty far to the left. Everyone wants peace, or at least most don't want to destory the country, and the difference is how they think it should be done. What if I don't think what the Komei wants to do will work?

Religion and politics shouldn't mix. And no religion should tell you who to vote for. And there shouldn't be political commercials at meetings. But here it happens. And I don't have enough Japanese, and no one has enough English, for me to complain adequetely or to explain myself. They don't seem to get it when I try. There is no criticising of the SGI at all here, that I can see or understand.

So, yesterday we did the whole crazy meeting thing again. One at 10 am and one at 8 pm. The 10 am one was okay, same old same old. But the one at 8 pm was to watch the video of the recent Headquaters Meeting. In Japanese of course. So why was I there? I don't know. I thought that Tariq Hassan (SGI-USA Vice-mens and SUA Board Member) was going to speak, but he didn't. So there was exactly nothing that I understood. And I was fuming. Going to the meeting I was pretty hyper and singing songs and stuff, but once the meeting started, I got really unhappy. I figure, it didn't hurt anything, but my legs really started hurting, and I remembered Cassie's knee problems, and I got a little mad. Grrrr Nothing out of it, and killing my hips and knees doing it. lovely.

But between the meetings, we went out with Maju's mom and a friend of hers. The friend was really really nice and gave us, of course, some home-made notebooks and bags. She didn't speak any English, but we didn't let that stop us. Her daughter lives in Miami, and she showed us pictures from their last trip. Then we started talking about how humid Japan is in the summer and she said that her daughter won't come back to Japan because of that. The only bad part was when I completely forgot the name for humidity. We acted it out and understood what we were talking about and Conny knew it in German, but I couldn't for the life of me remember in English. Yeah, talk about good impressions on new acquaintences. So she was nice, and I really like Maju's mom, and we're all going to the Onsen on the 17th. Hehe. We'll see how I do.

So other than that, I'm surviving. Mostly. Today we slept until the afternoon and went for a short walk. Nice easy day. Called Grace yesterday, she's back in Japan, along with her mom. We're getting together tomorrow, don't know to do what though.

Ahh, just wrote for an hour at least. Short.

Getting smothered.
Shutting down.
What to do??
Having much fun outside the house, no fun inside.
Want to go to Sapporo.
Need homework, some purpose to my life.
Don't like being used as a shakubuku tool.
Don't always need translation.
Perfectly happy to stare off into space.
Poor doggy!!
I like central heating.

Time for me to complain...tune out if you don't care:

Alex Okuda is trying to make me pay $113 dollars for my plane ticket. He says I was over my limit of $1200. I sent him back an email saying, "uhhh, maybe the limit is $1365." He replied, but I haven't read it yet. After I finish complaining, I'll read it, I just have a bad feeling about the email. Sammi, Ally, wanna back me up on the $1365? I remember because I was like, "cool, 365 days in a year." You don't mistake things like that. Or at least, I don't.

Next. They say I am overdue for my phone bill. Did Jessica know she had a phone bill? When I went to pay my last two or three in December, no one mentioned it. Was it for December? How was I supposed to know that? So many kinks to work out!! I went on to the class sign-up login thing, but that was a little impossible. If that thing is to be believed, I owe about $9000, due in January. Huh, that number makes no sense. It's not how much I pay the school, it's not half of what I pay the school. It's a nonsense number. Anyway, how do I pay a bill from Japan? I didn't bring any checks with me.

One more. I got an email from Cindy Cohen yesterday demanding that I come pick up my financial aid application and mail it directly to the Department of Education by 5:00 that day. I didn't check my mail yesterday. I got another mail today like I was ignoring the other email or something. So now...who knows. I left it signed with my father before I left. I can't do it online without him, he can't send it in without me. Anyone see a problem here?

So we're going to Kyoto. At first Otousan and Okaasan were freaking out because...well they freak out whenever we try to do anything on our own. And of course they know someone's daughter who is a travel agent. And it was too expensive. But then, Okaasan's penchant for telling everyone everything paid off. One woman, very nice, good cheesecake, cute kids, can NEVER remember her name, has a friend in Kyoto who would of course love to host SUA students anytime. Her daughter is in high school and wants to go to SUA and so would love the chance to talk to real live SUA students. Oh yeah, and Kacchan's dad is one of her teachers. So all we have to do is pay the bullet train cost (not insignificant) and a small amount of money to the friend, and we're all set. It's a little scary though...SGI connections all over the country. You need something, and we know someone who can help you and maybe get you a good deal. Truly. So far we've got: cell phones, travel agent, kimonos, English speakers, shop owners, and school teachers, to name a few.

I feel like a teenager all over again ('cause THAT was a long time ago=P). I'm rebelling against everything and everyone. Though I'm not doing as bad as Conny. For once, I am not the one with the worst attitude. It's weird. But at least I have someone to talk to about my craziness. I would HATE it if she was all happy and lalala about everything here.

But we are being well taken care of. In fact, that's our complaint. Funny, ain't it?

Went to a teachers meeting today and gave a little speach. We talked about the qualities that some of our SUA professors have that make them wonderful. All non-SGI members, and we told them that. We said how you don't have to be an SGI member to care about students. And a lot of them were nodding. It was cool, I think they agreed. The first time anyone here has admitted that something non-SGI about SUA is okay or even good. I was happy. I felt like I did when I was younger and had gone to a really good meeting. I was bouncing off the walls. We were trying to decide what flowers we are. But there was major language barrier, English, German, and Japanese. Hmm, maybe it's just been a while since I've been to a good meeting. And it's funny, because I couldn't understand what they were saying through the whole thing. I was still happy when I left, not angry or bored.

I got my family profile today for Sapporo! Not much on it, but at least I have names and an address. No kids, well, two older than me, but no little kids. Somehow they put down what the older kids like, even though they live somewhere else. The mom teaches flower arrangement. It might be a little anal, but I'm gonna try and try it anyway.

Decided today...gonna buy the hardcase! Hehe, excited now. Now I can go crazy at Shibuya next week!!

Taking flowers to Mrs. Ikeda tomorrow. We're taking flowers from the Women's Division of Kanagawa. And we're taking letters. My letter says...nothing. I don't really have anything to say to her, I don't know very much about her as a person. It's a little odd...

Okay people, this is how it's working. I've got two blogs going. This one, and one for people who only care about my doings and not my inner thoughts (or people I don't especially want reading my inner thoughts). The long long narratives have been at the request of the other folk. I've been posting them on both sites, with maybe a little extra here sometimes. But I'm tired of that. Lately, I have been too tired to do the inner thought bit. So, if you want to read long narrative, go to http://greenorangegeek.blogspot.com. If not, stay tuned to this channel.

Okay, now channeling inner thoughts...

I am a trained monkey. We went to big SGI place today and they made us say our little practiced speaches. Then Okaasan told the people about Conny's dream to build Soka University of Europe. Oh, didn't know that's what she was going to do? Neither did she. When we walked into the back area, the people all clapped for us. It's insanity, and they just perpetuate it by spreading what great and wonderful people we are. Argh, it makes me insane. I am somewhat safe because I have been adimant about NOT having plans. But recently I have become the genius child because I started SUA at 17 and could do part of gongyo at about 5. So she tells everyone we meet this, and we can't refute it, because none of them speak English, and it would be WAY weird to contradict her in the middle of her session.

It's impossible to be angry with the people we meet, because seem soooo sincere about hoping and thinking that we will change the world. Of course, some of them just think about us as things to show off, but many are truly interested in us as people and want to discuss actually how we are going to change the world and all that. But I can be angry at the people who are spreading and encouraging this kind of behavior. I go back and forth between thinking that Okaasan just wants to be the bringer of all this good news and thinking that maybe she is just trying to give people hope. But then, what happens when Conny doesn't open SU-Europe? She KNOWS. We had a long and difficult conversation about what our dreams are. I'm thinking that SGI-Japan is a little messed up. Oh, and try convicing them that SUA doesn't exist as a conduit to help people work for the advancement of the SGI alone. I think they understand that not all the students are SGI, but I don't think they understand that we are going to go on and work for organizations other than the SGI.

Oh yes, and did I mention that I'm being slightly smothered by all the attention? I love it when Conny and I are out and exploring, but when we are with Okaasan and Otousan, they keep trying to lead us places. I want to look and go for myself. Okaasan kept taking my arm today, and I really did not want it taken! And you walk into a room after having ben absent from the group for three seconds and they ask you if you are all right. I know some of it is Japanese culture, but I think a little bit could be SGI culture.

The woman we met at the culture center today is a bug leader in Kanagawa. They said that she is so busy that she never had time to get married, even though she wanted to. All I could think about was how that is so wrong. I don't think that people should put so much of their lives into something that they can't even have a life of their own. If they want to that is. If someone is perfectly happy without a family or a life of some kind, whatever, but if a person wants a family, they should have a family. What is the point of an organization that celebrates everyday life when the people working for it can't even have one of their own?

Yeah...done, inner thoughts for the day.

Today we went to the Tama Doubutsuen. The ZOO! Once we figured out how to get there...the evilness of changing trains across train companies...it was pretty cool. It only cost 600 yen to get in, less than $6.00 U.S. Though it did cost about $10.00 U.S. to get there...but that is beside the point. This zoo is apparently known for housing its animals in natural environments. Many of the animals looking pretty content, but there were a few that we unhappy to be the center of attention.

The first thing we saw was a Tapir. Yeah, what?? They were actually pretty cute!! They have the body of a pig kind of, and a nose between an elephant and a pig. Maybe closer to an anteater. One of them was just wandering around, he had a lumbering gait that endeared him to me. He may have been a little bored, because he kept bugging the one that was trying to sleep. And he wouldn't hold still so I could get a nice picture. We'll see how the roll develops.

Then we saw this really cute and friendly Wild Pig. Boy was he hairy!! He kind of followed us along the fence as we read his information and tried to stick his snout through the wire at us. Yuck, but cute. He was like a dog wanting attention. There weren't many people there, so we were the only ones looking at him at the time. I didn't see any female wild pigs, and I can imagine it gets pretty lonely all by yourself. His pen was all full of mud, and so was his fur. I guess that's what he likes.

Then there were some PereDavid's Deer. Don't ask me what kind that is, but they were big and had fuzzy antlers. They were also really bored and unhappy. The male, I think...he was separated from the rest, was just lying on the ground with his back to us. He barely had any room, and those guys are used to the forests and lots of space...I'm assuming. The others were just standing around. They didn't look happy at all.

Next we saw Snow Leopards. In one inclosure, there were two adults. One was sitting high on a rock and staring at something. Don't know what, but when we walked by later, he was still in the exact same position. The other one was laying in a rut and licking at the ground...who knows. They have the furriest, puffiest tails I have ever seen. They actually got even more puffy at the end. They were probably as big around as a two-liter bottle of pop!! The one licking the ground stopped and when to play with a wooden post. He was just a big kitty-cat at this time. And he knew exaclty where to keep his head so we couldn't take too many pictures. In another area there was a mom and two babies. Maybe teenagers. The little ones attacked the mom, and she just licked them. Then one made the mistake of lying on his back while the other was sitting on a rock. Showing your belly is the universal sign for "Attack me!!" They were already so so fluffly! I bet they don't have to worry about staying warm.

Then the best exhibit in the place: Red or Lesser Pandas. They are SOOOOO cute. They look like a red colored raccon with the face of a panda bear. They have little ears and hands they can use to manipulate the branches. They eat like pandas, all slow and very concentrated. But then they would wander about like a bear, just plodding about. And they also climbed the rocks and trees. One was high in a tree and hanging upside-down and generally hanging-out. They also slithered like otters when it came to small spaces between braches. I just wanted to take one home and poke its belly. They were also really fluffly!!

They had a Tiger, some Gray Wolves, and an Asian Elephant that were all really unhappy to be there. The Tiger wouldn't stop pacing and scratched a couple times at the door to the inclosure. That's all the Wolves did. They didn't even bother to look at the spectators, they were intent on getting through that door. But the scariest was the poor Elephant. His pen was all make of concrete, nothing nature like in the others' cages, and he was standing there swaying. It looked like he was dancing, but I really don't think that's natural for an elephant. Maybe he used to perform in a circus or something, but it kind of freaked me out. If he was a human, I would have said that he was dancing to the music in his head...but...

They had a Koala house, but all the Koalas were sleeping...noctural I guess? There were some cute Wallabys and a huge Wombat. I thought wombats were small like the Wallabys, but this one was as big as a medium-sized dog, though lower to the ground. Way bigger than a bread box. They also had Laughing Ko-ca-something birds that were kind of cute.

Then we went to find the African animals. They were on the map, but there was construction (and I think the map was a little wonky) so it was hard to find. On the way we passed a mega-load of Storks and a bunch of Hawks and Eagles that showed off their impressive wingspans. Wouldn't want to make one of those upset with me!! We finally found the African section and the Chimpanzee habitat. Their playground looked like the playground at any elementary school, with lots of things to hang from. Not exactly natural, but I'm sure they didn't mind.

But they didn't stay long...ran off to the back or somewhere. About this time, we started wondering when the park closed. We got a late start, so it was already after 4:00. And yup, that's when the park closed... So we didn't get to see the Lions, or the African Elephant, or the other fun things. We did find the Giraffe house on the way out, though why they are kept in a rather smallish building is beyond me. But they were cute, they kept crossing over other peoples necks to get at the food. It looked like a complicated knot, but they were very serene about it all. So we left, and that was that. Have to go again to see all that we missed, I suppose.

Today we went to actual Tokyo to go to the Imperial Palace. It was a little nerve racking at first because we had to switch trains at the Kawasaki Station. There were two lines that we could take. One would stop at every station (maybe 15 or 20?) and would take forever and a day to get there. The other train had two options. One would stop at some stations, but not as many as the other line, and the other would go straight to Tokyo but would cost extra money. So we were trying to catch the fastest train that wouldn't cost us extra money. When we got to the platform for what we hoped was the right train, there are all sorts of signs for the "green car." No one mentioned anything about a green car. I'm suspicious that it's the expensive one...because it was different than what I had seen before. So a train comes, and there are green squares all over it, but the sign says it's a regular train. So we get on. Then it gets going really fast, faster than any of the other trains we have been on, and doesn't stop for a long time. And I'm beginning to think that maybe we did get on the one that takes extra money, but how the heck did they let us on without paying? Are they going to stop us and yell at us in this other language when we get to Tokyo? Long story short: we were on the right train, I was stressing about nothing.

So we finally make it to the Palace, and the gate is closed. There are about five guards stationed outside the gate and some others inside a booth. Well how about that. The guards let in some people, but they look like they are too well-dressed to be tourists. We don't trust our language ability enough to ask what is going on or understand the answer. So we walk a bit and see another gate. There are more tourist-looking people at this one, but they're just standing in front of the gate. So we take a few pictures of the roof of the house that we can see over the fence and we leave. As we are leaving, a large group of tourists come, "Boy are they going to be disappointed."

As we head back to the station, we hear a megaphone. Can't understand what it's saying, it's in Japanese, but we decide to follow it anyway. All around us are business people in business suits entering and exiting the banks and insurance companies surrounding us, and all ignoring this Voice. A couple blocks away we see a guy standing on a make-shift platform with a megaphone. Everyone is ignoring him.

We find a gigantic underground mall attached to Tokyo Station. Well, who knows if it's gigantic, but for a mall attached to a subway, it sure is. Wander, wander, wander. Conny wants a white jacket. Too small, bad collar...WAY too expensive. Why oh why am I in a first-world country?? But luggage is cheap. Pretty colors, hardcases, a hundred and some odd bucks. Jessica may acquire a new suitcase on her stay here. Saw one with Mickey Mouse on it.

Leave to go home just about rush hour. Why is being smushed between many people you probably couldn't hold a conversation with to save your life so funny? The way everyone just takes a breathe and squishes together is truly hilarious. There are three people inside your personal bubble, you are probably in three other peoples' personal bubbles, and everyone tries to be polite and not notice how uncomfortable the situation is. No one complains when the train goes around a corner and the domino affect topples everyone and their sister because no one can reach a handhold, even if there were enough for everyone. So we do the horribly inappropriate, we laugh every time we fall into another person, squeak when we are pushed against a wall.

Okaasan tried to convince me that I shouldn't take a bath, or ofuro, because I'm sick. These people. A Japanese ofuro is different than an American bath. It's deep so that a person can sink in up to their chin, indeed, they can't not. It's temperature controlled to be 42 degrees Celsius always. When not in use, a cover is placed over the top to conserve as much energy as possible, a whole family will use the same tub full of water. As such, you clean yourself off as much as possible before going in. As whole family's worth of sloughed off skin...eeewwww. But it's worth it, kind of. When I get in the tub, my whole body tingles in a way that is not always so pleasant. I think it comes from my surface being warmer than the inside. Normally, body temperature is 37 celsius, that's 5 degrees warmer than normal. So it's a case of what's just underneath my skin shivering at the temperature difference, while my skin is very happy indeed. Once I'm used it, I'm still not used to it. It's just too hot. But I don't want to get out. No matter that I can feel myself overheating after sitting for two minutes, I don't want to go out into the cold again. But after awhile, I must. And it feels good to be in the cool air.. And still, a hour after getting out, I feel warm. The air around me cannot touch the inner core of warmth that the ofuro gave me.