I have thoughts, many many thoughts.

Spring Break: SUA students in town. Not many, but they are here. We're all attending the SUJ graduation ceremony on Friday, which, of course, the founder will attend. I have to say that, even though everyone keeps congratulating us, I'm beginning to feel a little ambivilant. It's so hyped that I don't even want to participate anymore. I hate the whole invitation thing. I could also feel a little annoyed that we couldn't go to the other ones, but maybe I'm not sure. I know of one person, Japanese member, no connection, as such, to SUA, who attended the Gakuen (high school) graduation and will also be attending the SUA graduation. Now I'm thinking, if there are such limited seats, and everyone wants to go, why does this person get to go to two of them, at least one of which, he has to people in.

Yeah, I'm whiny, but the whole hierarchy thing is the SGI is driving me nuts. If an organization wants everyone to be equal and happy, putting some people above others, and really treating them better, is not the way to go. It's very obvious here that high leaders in the SGI and those connected to them are seen as closer to President Ikeda, and so better than common people. We have been introduced to many leaders, and we are supposed to be ecstatic that we get the opportunity to meet with people we can't communicate with and have nothing to talk about anyway. It's just awkward silence puntuated by stupid and required questions about family members and so forth.

And I'm trying to stay positive and see all the good things, I really am. But I see people learning and passing on the good things without thinking about it. We went to an English gosho lecture, and the dude was saying things that were really unclear and could be taken completely the wrong way, and people were just nodding their headings, like what he was saying was gold. And I was sitting there thinking, "What is this guy talking about." Of course he said some nice things, but he also said things that I absolutely cannot agree with. Can I take the good without the bad? I don't think I can pick apart his lecture and ignore the things I think are wrong. But most other people seemed really happy with what he said.

I don't want to give everyone the benefit of the doubt when they are influencing that many people. The SGI is a very powerful and influential organization within Japan, even in politics. President Ikeda has given a goal of 10 million votes for the Komei Party in the upcoming election. No one I have talked to, even a Komei member, can tell me anything about their platform, except that they are for peace. Great. Not many people seem worried about this. I found ONE. And what if I don't want to vote for them, even if I did know what they were about (and I could vote in Japan)? Would I be kicked out of SGI-land? It's not even a question of whether SGI members will vote Komei. From what I have heard from outside SGI sources about Komei in the past and elsewhere, they run a little to the right. Well, I run pretty far to the left. Everyone wants peace, or at least most don't want to destory the country, and the difference is how they think it should be done. What if I don't think what the Komei wants to do will work?

Religion and politics shouldn't mix. And no religion should tell you who to vote for. And there shouldn't be political commercials at meetings. But here it happens. And I don't have enough Japanese, and no one has enough English, for me to complain adequetely or to explain myself. They don't seem to get it when I try. There is no criticising of the SGI at all here, that I can see or understand.