I wonder why I don't want to study. Well, I know why I don't want to study, but why don't I just? Not a good time to loss all of my self control. Study darn you!

Introspecting is so weird. Is it useful?? Or is it just depressing? I see how it is possible for someone to just withdraw into themselves and never come out to see the sun. A lot of times it seems like the smart choice. It's either that or overcoming my fear of confrontation. Funny, in my head I fight well, I always have a comeback and they don't. I've built it up so that I can't do it in real life.

So what's going to happen afterward when we all go off into our corners of the world. I didn't think there could be so many corners, but each of us has our own, and that's more than four corners. Corners can never come together. Is that when I will become even more withdrawn than I think I am now? I just want to sit in a pretty place and be noticed by the people that I want, but I want everyone else to ignore me. When people get into groups, it gets, scary and I don't like it.

There are too many people in the world for my taste. I get so frustrated, but I can't do anything about it. Will it ever get better? The population is growing at an unprecedented rate.

What is to become of me? What do I want to become of me? Won't you decide for me? Then I can blame you if something goes wrong.

I want to wear pretty clothes in a pretty place and only have pretty and happy thoughts, is that so much to ask. And yes, I still am that greedy, I am a product of my society. I have been socialized, and someone the media or whoever, did a pretty good job.

But I'm not a perfect nameless, that's where they went wrong. It would be easier to be a perfect nameless.

So, this whole schism thingy...so bad! But do I want to stop it?? Sometimes I don't even say "hi" to them. And I agree with Koichi most of the time. What is the Soka world coming to? What if I can't stand the third class either??? It can't continue like this, each class living in its own little world.

Eeeek, cleaned the bathroom when I should have been studying for some test or other. Gonna die, gonna die. I need good grades. I have been so worried about what grades I'm going to get. That's so bad, I should be worrying about whether the class was worth it and what I'm going to be taking next term, not to mention what I'm going to be doing with the rest of my life. But no, I'm worried about what grades I'm going to get. But does that motivate me to study?? Almost.

Swimming and Bio are over...why doesn't it feel like it? Those were some good cookies! Yummy, Yumi??? Mango...mmmmm! A week and a half, and then it's all over!! But they are going to be one tough week and a half!

Wednesday: Hump Day. What's the Hump Day Quiz Question. What is the motto of the US? Hmm, must run, gotta win the prize.
What else do we do on Hump Day? Look forward to the descent of the week. Almost the weekend. But that means it's almost Monday again. But Monday was only two days ago. Well, life is a circle, we eat and then we feed, that is the meaning of life, all this other stuff is just frills. Homework, turn it in, get more, or even better, homework, more homework, turn some in, get some more, turn in nothing.
Ack, heart attack. Would be a nice change of pace wouldn't it. Dying doesn't hurt, just those around you hurt. Selfish beings that we are. If death hurts, then why do we cause it so much. Who thinks about that cow's poor mother greiving, oh well, the mom cow probably got ground up last week.

I find myself in that same darned world again, where everything is as I see it.
The colors are a little different, but the shapes are the same, it is as I never left.
It's not about me at all, just my reactions, but it is me and only me.
I hate this place.
I want to dream so I can pretent it doesn't exist.
I hate finals.
It does exist, it is where I am, I can't hide.