I will make New Year's Resolutions. That is my resolution for tonight/this weekend. I would save it until New Year's Eve, but that's just my chicken heart trying to make excuses.

The day after a good hair day is a bummer.

Merry Boxing Day!

I must say that text messaging Christmas wishes on Christmas morning is weird. I didn't get too particularly annoyed with any of my family members after spending the whole day with them. Small Christmas trees are definitely better. I don't think potato salad for Christmas dinner should become a tradition, but ham is essential. We really need to the stores to diversify; my brother got a t-shirt that says "meh!" and a sweatshirt that says..."meh!" It's a really good thing that Christmas only comes once a year.

You'll just have to bear with me a little longer. Remember that patience is a virtue. Ouch.

Poor Allie keeps having to comment on my blogs on my MySpace, so I am attempting to add comments. Unfortunately, I killed my own template a long time ago while teaching myself HTMP by trial and error (mostly error). Blogger doesn't seem to be able to add comments to my terror of a template, and I've forgotten all that I accidently created. And darn it, I kinda like what I came up with all those long lonely years ago (at least better than any of the options). So bear with me while my blog goes through an upheaval.

Toe socks make your feet look big.

I'm realizing more and more that the people I work with and for are very different from me. This morning I was subject to a lecture that basically condensed down to "crazy liberal environmentalists consistently ignore and misreport the data so that they can keep getting exorbitant amounts of funding and are hatefully ruining the livelihoods of good honest Americans." Last night, they called a winning high school football player "classy" for dropping to one knee and thanking God before doing a t.v. interview. Ah well, they're nice enough if you keep your mouth shut while they talk about religion or politics. On the other hand, maybe I should tell them I'm a blue-blooded heathen. Then they will stop telling me how tall/handsome/successful their sons are, and oh, by the way, he's living on the west side, you should meet him.

"If invited into someone's home, remember to always remove your shoes in the entrance as a sign of respect, and to give yourself something with which to hit the family pet should it attack."

Ann tells me there's a troll who lives under a bridge in Seattle. I'm kinda jealous.

What would the theme song for your reality show be? Ann says mine is "I'm pretty, oh so pretty, I'm pretty and witty and GGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" But she's short, so what does she know. I have to come up with a really mean one for her.

Watch out! The spiders have formed a large conspiracy. Are they out to get you too?

Fact 1: Spiders are malicious, devious creatures who enjoy making people miserable.

Fact 2: They somehow brainwashed me into not squishing them when I find them. Instead they take control of my body and make me take them outside where they can plot their next attack.

Fact 3: They usually come at me when I am relaxed and unsuspecting at home.

Fact 4: They have started attacking me at work!

Fact 5: They made me switch regular parking spots at work by marking their territory (read: they built a freaking web on my car!).

Fact 6: They often stretch their webs across the walkway I use to go into the office.

Fact 7: THEY KNOW WHERE I SIT AT WORK and they sit under my desk and wait for me. And then they escape the upside-down pen holder I use to catch them and make me scream and attract the attention of the whole office.

You can't deny the facts. We must unite against the eight-legged-boogeyman!

"I adore you, but you don't know who you are."

Today I saw a horse doing an excellent impression of a stuff Black Beauty statue. His tail wasn't even waving in the wind. Had there been anyone else on that particular road, he would have witnessed an accident. Then he shook his head and went on his way. Who know horses stare off into space like everyone else.

I keep trying to come up with a description of how I feel right now, but it's not working.

I'm moving again. Got approved for the place today and will have to go sign the lease sometime this week. I think I'm past the point where I might accidentally buy a condo, but I'm still jealous of those who can buy.

My first assignment for that online class (which I did manage to get into by the way) is due tomorrow. I'm trying to work up the enthusiasm to finish it. At least I discovered that online classes are not my thing. I was going to take one other class next quarter...and I really probably should...

Work is going well, which is scaring me. Pretty sad huh? They're sending me to conference so I can learn about irrigation districts. Yeah, doesn't make any sense to me either. But they like me and they think I'm a valuable addition to the company. Why doesn't that make me happier?

Somebody has to stop me!! What the heck is wrong with me?? I'm so tempted to buy a condo it's ridiculous!! I'm afraid it's going to happen whether I want it to or not. What is with my urge to own real estate? I don't know what it is, but it's a bad idea!!

So what the heck is going on? I decided to take a couple classes at a community college just in case I decide to go for that Masters program I've been thinking about ('cause why not burn $1000 on 2 classes??). But I can't get them to let me in to the one I picked the school for! They want my AP Calculus scores from high school! I don't have those, it's been seven years! I faxed them my SUA transcript, but that didn't work. I took the math assessment test, but the class I want to take won't accept it even though I placed beyond the prerequisite class. Not much beyond, because who remembers trig? Maybe I need to spend 30 minutes reviewing all the crap I learned that has no bearing on life or the class I want to take so I can place much higher than the prereq. But the lady won't answer her phone and isn't calling me back, and I am not going to spend another $20 or take time off work to drive through the worst traffic in the Seattle area when I don't know if it's going to work. Can I just say that it shouldn't be this hard to take one course at a community college!

All my old YWD leaders have been calling me. All in one week too. It's been slightly freaky, especially since they are all from different places and times and don't even know each other.

"No wonder men are perplexed by the modern woman. We're actually prehistoric hypocritical geniuses. " http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Investing/HomeMortgageSavings/WhoPays.aspx#pageTopAchor

I have never heard a better description of women.

I thought that there would be more pain involved in this whole recovery thing. I was thinking that I wouldn't mind the swelling because I would be delirious with pain.

Happy last day of July! Wow, time is going fast. I'll be 22 in no time :P

Work today was the craziest thing. The receptionist (Front Desk Coordinator) made a mistake and got yelled at and spent an hour in the bathroom crying. And her assistant receptionist came and got me to make her feel better. Me and emotion: doesn't fit together so well. But I think I helped a little at least...I can certainly play cheerful well enough.

When she was back on her feet (in her chair, at her desk...), the assistant "Front Desk Coordinator's" boyfriend broke up with her during lunch. So she went home early because she was apparently a mess. Good thing it was a slow day.

Oh, and I got a raise, but no one told me. I'm just hoping that it wasn't a mistake and they'll take it away once I find the right person to ask. Isn't that random though? I would think they would want to make the best of a raise and get the employee's morale up. I might not even have noticed (because my hours are different every month) except that the pay rate is right next to where it shows remaining vacation and sick time.

I'm getting my wisdom teeth out in two weeks and two days. I'm a little late, but that's better than never right? I wasn't worried about it at all, but then today I had to go in and sign all the papers and show the oral surgeon my x-rays. Apparently, I may need to get root canals on my bottom back teeth, depending on how the lower wisdom teeth come out. And either way, they're going to be crazy sensitive because the roots will be exposed until my mouth heals. How wrong is that? Well, at least the dude explained to my exactly what a root canal is. I'm maxing out my dental benefits in one go, on top of paying $600 for the privilage. After this, my teeth are off limits until 2008, even if my roots do need canaling.

I was reading this website telling me that we used to need our wisom teeth to take the place of missing or worn down teeth when we were still running around catching our dinner. But all four of mine are so jacked up, they wouldn't have come in even if there had been room.

It's expensive to be healthy. And didn't you just get more information than you wanted.

Rraaaawwr.

I'm about ready to just pick something, somewhere, someone and just do it. So that I have something and can stop floating around like a moron.

It's so wrong. Today my company had our 401K people come in for their yearly update. I don't know why I went, I'm not eligible for another 6 months... Now I'm freaking out trying to figure out how I can save $6000 a year (which equals $500 a month!) because the example the dude gave was of a 25-year-old saving $6000 a year for 40 years and ending up with over a million dollars. I've got spreadsheets with all the different options, starting will smaller contributions and gradually increasing them, all the options, not all of them financally feasible for me. But it's all about having money in early, so really, I could put a whole bunch in now and take a breather with smaller contributions in a couple years. I'm even wondering if I should get an after hours summer job for some extra money to start with. And I'm trying to figure out what all those financy words that he was tossing around with abandon mean. I just kind of looked at the not-so-pretty graphs that were up on the screen. Really, all I got out of the meeting is this: start now and diversify (except I already knew that part, I just don't know what to diversify TO). Only 6 months to figure it out. And maybe I should send an extra check to my IRA right now. And is having two different accounts with different people going to be a problem. Maybe I'll just switch the IRA to these people (if I can??). I Googled the dude at the meeting and his company was listed on some winner's circle list for financiers (the only one from Seattle on the list [wow, major sense of deja vu there]). That's enough whining, I have to get back to studying all this stuff!

"The female tarantula stings her mate at the moment of ejaculation. This numbs him, and in this blissful state she slowly devours him, eating him alive. He feels no pain, as her sting works like a morphia d'amour, promoting a finale of euphoria. His flesh will in turn feed that of his offspring. The male is conscious, though euphoric, as his mate consumes him utterly. By some quirk of evolution, or perhaps simply awareness, she always saves the brain till last. Then the lights go out. I've always thought it must be quite a way to go."

Do I look Irish? One of the engineers told me today that he thinks of me as a typical Irish woman. He just found some distant relatives in Ireland, so it's not too random of a thought. I imagine there must be some Irish in me, but I can't imagine that it's too much. But this is also the person who still calls me Rebecca every once in a while. I get Jennifer all the time, but not one else has ever called me Rebecca. He reminds me of Jay Heffron; he's spacey but really intelligent and knows his stuff when he can remember what he's doing.

How old do I have to be before I stop finding most people my own age completely idiotic?

I think I'll join Ellie as a naked old person. Lately my clothes have felt more and more restrictive and I just want to walk around without any on. Can't help that it's freakin hot around here.

I had this totally crazy urge about an hour ago to go blond. Bright yellow blond. It's a good thing I wasn't passing a salon, or I would be stupider by now. And the urge hasn't completely gone away.

It's a second birthday of a different sort. Truly a birthing in the cycle of suffering.

See? Water. Fish.

"My morning appointments and Stephanie dr appt make Friday tough the schedule!"

Allison! Come teach my boss English.

It's so hot!!! How can it be 50 over the weekend and 85 today? My tricking Spring didn't work, we skipped it completely, according to my brother. He's the new Punxsutawney Phil of the summer. When he comes out of the house and just about dies from heat exhaustion, you know summer has come.

On the downside, I really hope one of us was adopted, because as cute as Phil is, I don't want to be a groundhog as I would be if my brother was.

I think that my problem is that I don't want to make the wrong decision and be button-holed into something that turns out to be wrong for me. And so I don't make any decision. Or maybe it's that I don't think I'll be good enough at anything, which is dumb because I imagine anyone reading this knows that I have a pretty healthy opionion of my intelligence.

I'm up to three different future plans. And some side trips that I wouldn't mind taking.

I am having a bad week. I've had so much stuff to do I've been skipping lunch and staying late. But then I'm all stressed about everything I have to do tomorrow and I can't relax, so I just sit and zone out in front of the tv. And we're short-staffed at work with people on vacation and sick and on assignment elsewhere. Responsibilities are being passed around and balls are being dropped. Hotels are cancelling reservations and NO ONE WITH ANY AUTHORITY WILL GIVE ME ANY ANSWERS.

May will be good.

Some day this week is Administrative Professionals Day (I don't know which day). Is that the saddest thing. Veterans, mothers, and administrative professionals: these are the people who deserve days dedicated to them.

Some people are taking a couple of us "administrative professionals" out to lunch later this week. Hey, at least that should be interesting.

My blond moment.

I pulled up to a four-way stop double-marked with a blinking red light. And I sat there waiting for it to turn green.

I realized today, or was it yesterday, that I'm a snob. It's true. Not as much as I seem sometimes, I suppose, but I am anyhow. I wonder how I got this way.

I don't think my skirt plan is working. It's gray and raining today.

My family makes me so insecure. I love them, and we have fun together, but I realize that they (and me too) love to make snarky comments behind everyone's back. Everyone else is immature and inconsiderate, but of course they are perfect. And they get all up in arms if someone makes a suggestion about their or their childrens' actions and immediately start attacking the attacker. No so meanly as it sounds of course, but every one has a holier-than-thou attitude and wants to judge everyone else and not be judged themselves and ahhhhhhhhhh.

And I never hear things about myself, but they must talk about me when I'm not around.

I bought a dress last weekend and I wore it to work today and I felt pretty all day long. Dresses are good. And it was sunny and nice today, but, as someone as work said, today could have been both the beginning and end of summer, our one day of summer.

I killed my neck!!

Okay everybody, you've got to help me. It's like a telethon, over the internet, and I'm not asking for money. This week is skirt week. I'm trying to trick Spring into thinking that it's already time to be here. And technically, it is, even though it's just April and we're still in-ing like a lion. I figure, if it sees skirts, it will figure that maybe it hasn't done it's math right and it will come sooner. It works with me, I forget what day and month it is all the time.

Switching gears, I'm going to see about reserving that condo I emailed some peeps about. I want to go, and if no one else does, well then, I'll have a really expensive and quiet week to myself in Maui.

I feel like I need to re-invent myself musically. I want to be into obscure, indie, crazy music that does what no other music does.

Spring is finally here, for today at least. Who knows what season tomorrow will bring.

I had the dumbest bout of nostalgia a little bit ago. I saw, like, six yellow jackets fighting on a lamp post and I missed the days when we all sat outside for lunch and had to run away from the bees. Especially Cassie. I'm thinking I need to take a 3-day weekend and go visit her.

I've been so sleepy the past couple days. I don't know what's going on. Or I guess I don't want to know what's going on. It doesn't help that I'm sitting down all day long. I've been having mini rock-out sessions to the music on my computer to wake me up. Unfortunatly, it looks like I may need very large rock-out sessions to do any good.

Sleep is such a precarious thing.

We are calling Maju's visit a success! Even though we didn't follow my plan (at all), we did lots of cool things. Even though we got lost in downtown Seattle several times, we always found our way to where we were going. I think we did everything that someone visiting Seattle has to, touristy, historical, outdoorsy, nightlife, and lots and lots of good food!

So, if anyone is interested in coming to Seattle, here is a sample itinerary of the super exclusive but not too expensive Seattle Tours by Jessica. I even ordered the rain, because what would a trip to Seattle be without a little (or a lot of) rain?

Friday:

• Lunch at my current favorite American-style diner. Not fancy or exotic, but good food a little different from what you'd find elsewhere and a huge menu.
• Shopping trip to a local Asian food store for supplies.
• Trip to the east for a spectacular waterfall view and a lovely walk in the rain.
• Dinner at a really good India place (lucky guess, I had never been before).
• Back to a downtown Seattle poolhall to meet with old friends and make fun of the horrible DJ controlling the dance floor.

Saturday:

• Indian food is even better the next morning!
• Pick up the client's dad at the airport and straight back downtown to the Seattle Underground tour. Too complicated to explain, you'll have to come and I'll take you. Totally fun and unique experience. Where else does a city build an 8-35-foot retaining wall around every city block? Hey, at least they put in ladders at the corners.
• Lunch at the Cafe Poloma. Yummy mediterranian food (also a lucky guess).
• Door to door taxi service during crazy construction around hotels
• Back to Tour Headquarters, and I allow the client to cook for me. Yummy yummy!
• Downtown again to the supposed Salsa nightspot. Unfortunately, Seattle does not boast a large latino population, and that it does boast doesn't seem to have inherited the dancing gene. But good music!

Sunday:

• Early dim sum lunch at House of Hong in Seattle's attempt at Chinatown (it's called the International District). Hey, at least the food is good. I highly recommend the coconut mochi (or whatever they call in it China)!
• Shopping at Pike Place Market. Hey, I'll even help you spend your money!
• Meet my grandparents and get a cool gift. Eat a cookie (or three) and scram for the airport.

Not a bad itinerary for a little over 50 hours.

I've been speaking with a Transylvanian accent (or my version of one) every once in a while for the past couple days. I wonder what that's about.

So the conference. Even though I was getting hit on by guys who work with sewer water and probably never finished high school, it was fun, better than being at work. It never got too weird, there was a table between me and them and I'm sure that the engineer I was there with *who's like 6 foot 28 inches* wouldn't have let any of them actually kidnap me. It was actually kind of funny when we went to dinner at the casino (along with about everyone else from the conference) and some of the water people got drunk and started playing random songs on the piano. Besides the fact that they were playing and singing different songs at the same time, they were actually pretty good.

But instead of sitting at the computer doing who-knows-what all day long, I got to harass people to come over and talk to me all day long. Not that it wasn't tiring, but at least the only thing I did on a computer that day was check my email and read the gossip pages.

I am blogging from my first business trip. Isnt's that cool? We'll see how it goes tomorrow before I indicate whether I want to repeat this experience. I'm in Ocean Shores, WA: not the most glamourous of spots, but not bad. It's here:


I'm sitting in my hotel room with a view of the beach on their wireless internet. This is a hundred times preferable to sitting at home.

However, even though the company is paying for food, lodging, and gas expenses, it's been an expensive trip! Couple of new purses, a pair of earings or two...a really cool lamp from Bali. I just hope it doesn't get squashed on my way back, it's 4 feet of fragile wicker-type stuff. Fortunately, in a way, the stores don't open until 11 and they close at 5, so there's only a limited amound of time I can have my credit card out. And we thought Aliso Viejo was bad!

Lately, I have been desperate to be around people, anyone. But I just want to be alone because I know I won't get what I want out of anyone. What do I want? Not quite sure.

It started Saturday, and it was a bad bad day. I felt like that girl in elementary school who was always chasing after her group of "friends" and you felt sorry for her because she was so desperate and everyone thought she was pathetic. I kind of came to terms with it on Sunday. More like I just gave up and sought silence.

For some reason, I was really cheerful and energetic on Monday at work. Until I got home.

There's probably more, but I have to go.

Woo hoo, it's the weekend.

I'm on this new nightly routine. I switched to taking showers at night because I always try to convince myself in the morning that no one will notice if I don't take a shower. So now I shower at night, and it's working great, I think. It's only been about 3 days, so we'll see if it keeps up. The only complaint is that I've been getting really hot during the night. I don't know if it has anything to do with the showering thing, but it started the same day I did, so I'm suspicious.

Maju's coming to Seattle!! For a whole 3-day weekend!! Totally excited. Now let's see if I can get the Friday off...maybe not since two others will be gone that day...

On a total bummer note, that writing class I told you about? It was cancelled. I'm telling you, the world is conspiring against me. It's like I'm going to have to work hard or something. It's so totally unfair. Where's my fortune baby fortune when I really need it??? Huh, huh? Where is it?

And hey, I tried to go to Kosen Rufu Gongyo last weekend, but I got lost. Seriously. We were having it at the Edmonds Senior Center and apparently it's kinda screwy to get there. But I discovered that Edmonds is kind of a cute little town.

Happy March!

What does Seattle do to celebrate such an auspicious occasion? Dump a bunch of snow on the ground! Boy that groundhog sure wasn't kidding when he said we'd have six more weeks of winter.

Here I am at work, shamelessly scamming the internet. But hey, at least I'm on my lunch break. And I realize that I have been remiss in reporting what I've been up to.

The most important thing is that I found the right grad program, if a grad program is what I want to do. It's a Masters of Arts in Policy Study, it's with the University of Washington and given on the Bothell campus (I'm living and working in Bothell, by the by), and it's catered toward working people. I went to a couple of informational sessions and it's sounds really good. It actually sounded a lot like SUA. It's only 6 years old, and they said they are relying on the graduates to make the reputation (at which point I groaned). AND, they said the magic words. One of the graduates in working at a THINK TANK in D.C. that studies national education policy. Is that perfect or what??

But I decided not to apply for the fall. I realized that I havn't committed to the idea of a steady 40-hour a week job. I don't want to be a cog in the wheel, I just don't think I have the correct personality to be successful that way. I want to see if I can develop my writing in some way, really in any way. Not that I've been successful, though I think I'm making progress, I'm just not sure it's enough progress.

So the moral of the story is that I'm giving myself this year to find a way to become something besides a cog in the wheel (wow, I sure am attached to that phrase). If I can't, I'll apply for next fall's program. I'm going to keep working, save some money for something, and take classes. There are a couple classes that I need to make my grad application stronger, and I'm going to take some writing courses as well. My first one is on Saturday.

On a whole different note, I spent all of yesterday cooking, just for fun. Okay, maybe not ALL of yesterday, but it sure felt like it. My feet were awfully tired by the time dinnertime rolled around. Most of the stuff was pretty good. The fault for the only bad one lay, not in my cooking, but in my choice of recipes. Note to all who read this: BLT muffins are not a good idea.

I have hit upon the perfect CD combination. First you play James Blunt and you get a little melancholy. Then you play Darian Rice, or whatever his name is, and you contemplate ways to kill yourself. Then, as you're looking for the best place to hang a rope from, you play the soundtrack from Winged Migration and everything is happy again. I have to go now. I want to do it again, talk about an emotional rollercoaster!

Last post: Dec 16, 2006. Wow, LAST YEAR. It's already February! Time flies even when you're not having any fun.

I have no patience. I like to pretend I do, sometimes I can even trick myself. But I really don't. I want everything now. Time is my mortal enemy, literally, since if nothing else does, it will kill me. So what do I do about it? I micromanage my time. But that doesn't work, it just gives me a reason to get nothing done. Because if I miss my appointment with time, I'm off the hook, it's not my fault any more.

Sorry for blathering, I have nothing coherent going on in my brain!