I'm alive, alive. Lost contact with the internet for a while there.

Update:
Back in the States
No culture shock to speak of
Fine with a fork
Stomach shrunk though...got only halfway through a hamburger at Red Robin
Still trying to find all the presents that I packed in random spaces
Found the earrings that I lost in Tokyo
Nothing to blog about now that I'm back where I belong

Ellie's going to do the Senior Scrapbook!!! So excited!!! Something for me to organize.

10 days...or so.

Am I changing? Or has it already been there. I haven't really become very close to anyone from the program or the school.

I'm so much quieter here than at home or at school, and not just because of the whole not speaking the language thing. I can ride in the car for an hour with just me and my host mom, and the only thing I'll say is to point out a car from Nagoya and comment that it must have been quite a drive. Sometimes I'd rather just sit. I'm not bothered to ride the subway with two Japanese guys and have them talking to each other in Japanese and me staring at the advertizements like normal. I kind of enjoy riding the bus or subway by myself for more than an hour.

But when I'm with Sammi and/or Allison, I talk just as much as normal. That is, I never shut up. Am I afraid of putting myself out there? And I satisfied with the people I already know and don't care to meet new people? If this is so, what happens after Soka, and we all move to our various homes around the world? I'll have to make new friends somewhere.

I feel like writing lately. I've had thoughts like, that would be a good book. But do I have time? Probably, I'm sure I'm just scared that it wouldn't be any good. Would it be just a story book? Would it have some deep meaning? In a hundred years, will anyone care? I feel like my thoughts and ideas are different from other peoples, and if I wrote a book, maybe I could explain them to myself. But I wouldn't want to invent feelings with which to write a book. So which comes first, the chicken or the egg?

So I've decided that even though I said that Japan doesn't have purple grass and a green sky(see first or second entry of alternate blog), there really is purple grass and a green sky, it's just disguised as green grass and blue sky. Confused? Visually there are some difference, but once you get used to that, it seems the same as wherever else, or at least it did to me. With all the things that matter, Japan is the same: everyone has five fingers on each hand, and they all like to have fun, and life is a daily thing for them too. But it's the little things that are different: everyone sits through all the credits at the movies, and they have horrible fashion sense, and they bow when they thank or meet people.

In some ways, all people are the same, well, at least all people that I've come in contact with. I think in all the important ways, that's how it is. All people are first and foremost people, and then they are whatever, whoever, wherever. And when I go to a new place, I'm disappointed that I can't immediately see and feel the difference to the core of my being. But the differences are different from what you think. They are smaller and sometimes you can't see them except for some random part of you that never tells the you who's YOU what it thinks. You just have to gradually come to know it. And at the same time to recognize it, you see your own culture or language more clearly. Trying to figure out why they do what they do, you have to understand why YOU do what you do.

If my experience here was exactly as I expected, I wouldn't have needed to come because I wouldn't have learned anything new. Fortunately, I don't quite remember what I expected because it all seemed like a big black hole. Maybe that's the best way, because then we don't have to be disappointed too much.

Hmmm, I'm supposing that some people are out there thinking, "wow, she is strange. Japan is completely different and there is no way it couldn't be." But the food, the houses, the external stuff that you can see is all easy to get used to. Maybe at the beginning it freaks you out to eat rice at every meal, but you can get used to it. I think the real cool crazy stuff is the stuff that you can't get used to, or you can't figure out why it's done. The stuff that just seems different but you can't explain why. Any of the physical stuff like food and clothes you can take anywhere and recreate, but you can't recreate Japan, and that's the interesting stuff.

I'm a cucumber, I'm a cucumber, I'm a cucumber, I'm a cucumber.

That's truly how I feel right now. That is, not really feeling...I guess.

The only emotions that I feel very strongly are the type that I don't necessarily want to be broadcasting. Cool as a cucumber.

I want to be supported by someone I divorced but still be dating someone else! What's with that?

Why can't I speak Japanese???

Why am I complaining so much? ...let's not get into that mess!

I'm still tired all the time! Darn it! What am I going to do when I get back to school and find that my 10 hours of sleep have diminished to, maybe, 6? (if I neglect homework and sleep early)

I have to say: Typing on a keyboard is really nice!!

Laptops!! Yea! So Eric didn't lie to me about something!

It is SOOOOO hot and humid right now. Actually, just humid. One of the (many and myriad) reasons I came to Sapporo is because everyone told me it's not humid up here. Not all the Sapporites tell me this is really uncommon...but I don't want to believe. The typhoon the other day, yeah, typhoon, helped for one day, but now it's back to really painful. Talk about stepping out the door and down the street and already being covered in sweat! Give me more typhoons!! Amy (girl from Saipan) says that she knew a typhoon was coming because of the humidity. Does that mean another one is coming?

Cheers for the 85-year-old rock-climbing enemy-of-Nixon Seattlite!! Only one we got. I remember doing a report on him...or his family...in middle or high school.

I discovered...well...Alison got it first, doesn't like it, and won't get it again...this great grapefruit drink. Now, it's funny, but I never ate grapefruit before coming to Japan. Now I eat it all the time...breakfast, in drinks... I wonder if I'll eat it when I get back? I always thought I didn't like grapefruit. But I'm pretty sure I won't be able to find the drink in the U.S. I can't even find it most places in Japan, only at the school store!

Someone is watching Charlie's Angels. I wanna watch a movie, but I never have time. I am stupid! When I have lots of free time, I want something to do, but when I have stuff to do, I whine about it. Just hit me! (one more time?) Brittany gets stuck in my head here, please help me!

When I'm teaching English, the kids think the stupid things I do are really funny. We were singing the ABCs and I started trying to make the letters with my body. When I say that the penguin is my favorite animal (you gotta have a favorite and least favorite everything with these people: penguins, spiders; sushi, onions; orange, brown) I walk like a penguin. Now...is this my personality coming out? or am I acting for the kids? Is there a difference?

I shouldn't be allowed to run the video camera...I make sound effects while I'm filming. I even hum. And it all gets caught on tape. It's not a good thing to be taping!

Yes, Monday. I was not in the mood for class today. I kept getting angry at the teacher for doing teacher things. Like I was annoyed that you couldn't use certain forms with certain adjectives. It's not like it's her fault, but I was still glaring at her and wanted to just stop doing the classwork. Hormones must be going a little wonky I guess.

There is absolutely nothing going on in my head. Sometimes during the day, I am all about cool things to blog, but I get here and nothing comes.

So far in Japanese literature class, the books have been good to interesting to okay, but the last one we have to read is just evil. I don't understand the purpose, and I don't even think it was written that well. His sentences are all short and choppy, and I swear sometimes they don't fit the whole subject-verb-object rule we got going. Yeah, I'm bitter.

Today they were handing out bibles in front of the student store. They are in Japanese and English. I got one, but then I was reading, and it's in oldish Japanese, like King James of course, and I don't think it will help me particularly to read old Japanese when I can't even read new Japanese yet...

What's going on?? I don't know, you tell me.

Everyone is all like, "oh no, only 4 weeks left. Woe is me!" But they have been saying it since it was 6 weeks left. So instead of enjoying the time, they are just lamenting the passing of the time. Why do you need to worry about how much time there is left? It's just silly if you ask me, and it just gets everyone depressed.

So, I think there should be a rule that you know when you are stressed out. I am having bags under my eyes all the time. Yesterday they were really bad, and I was scared everyone was looking at them. But I totally get enough sleep. I think I get at least 8 or 9 hours a night. So I must be stressed out I guess. It takes a little more energy to live in this country because of the having to pay excessive attention to everything in order to slightly understand it, but I don't think that it's as pronounced as all that! Anywho...

Looking forward to Tokyo! Not looking forward to the big test tomorrow. We finished the book and now we have to take the test. It's so unfair!! Looking for the peanut butter-like sesami candy that Sammi's mom gave her. Yummy! Haven't gone to karaoke in a while, I should go. Gotta figure out this whole getting paid thing. I hope the work permit thing that Satoh san is making me get doesn't make things crazy complicated! I should eat more vegetables, and not vegetables that are...ahhh, what is the word? soaked in vinegar...like pickles...tsukemono...anyway, more raw vegetables.

Yesterday while I was teaching, the kids really liked the socks I was wearing. Especially the boys. How weird is that? Though I do have to admit, they are kinda neat.

There are people watching Bring It On over there. I don't think I would be seen watching a movie like that in public. Though I did see it, so how did I see it?? Who can remember that far into the past.

There is a guy on the subway just about every single day who enters at the very front of the train and then walks back a couple of cars. This is in the morning when there are lots of people standing. Everyone, including me, gives him an annoyed look when he does this, but he continues to do it day-after-day. And he's not a foreigner either.

Five-day weekend starting tomorrow. Festivals and more festivals.

Dog had to be put to sleep. Why does it bother me so much? She wasn't even really my dog, I just lived with her sometimes. She was a really cute puppy though.

It's Friday night and...something.

I decided what I want to be when I grow up. I want to have a stupid tv show that I can invite dumb people onto the show and tell them random things and make them have stupid contests. Doesn't that sound like fun. I think so. There was one last night where that had these two chicks competing at a bunch of stuff like: using an abacus and playing pingpong and other stuff, but I forget, because I am trying to chat and type and blog all at the same time!!! Today they had all sorts of people wearing wedding veils and throwing bouquets onto a velcro surface. Talk about strangness!

I have been writing this blasted blog for at least two hours now. The train of thought is gone. I apologize.

It's all Ally's fault!! She made me go and ask the official people, and she knows I always tell everything, and I didn't know anything!! Stupid stupid. So maybe now I have to apply for some change in my visa and all that stupidity because of my stupid job!

I hope this thing doesn't fizz out on me.

Connected today with the local underground SGI. It's like a spy mission in a Christian university. Next we will all be wearing black and skulking about campus trying the shakabuku people. Won't that be fun?!?!

But I'm supposed to be converting while I'm here. I forgot.

Sooo, interesting weekend, went to the onsen with exchange students and a whole bunch of Japanese freshmen girls. I'm sure Ally will tell you all about it. Now I don't know what to say because Ally and I have been sitting here talking about it for the last hour.

Highlights:
*Ally is a bad girl.
*The word itadakimasu can be used in so many more ways than it is. For instance, while playing tennis or taking pictures.
*There needs to be something to do while drinking, not just drinking. nomi nagara...
*Freshmen are SO young!
*Always have the drinking party in someone else's room or you sill be stuck with no place to sleep and a mess in the morning.
*You should never say the words "sekushi pousu" (sexy pose) to teachers...but
*Teachers can play the game as well as students
*I miss Japanese people I can actually communicate with and want to communicate with!
*Sammi is strong woman for leaving the bathing suit behind.

Last Friday Ally and I bought shoes!! We both bought Converse. Mine are pink, and Ally made me buy sparkly laces. They, the shoes AND the laces, make me happy, even though the lases are too short and the shoes take way to long to put on, especially for Japan. I also bought this crazy, expensive thing, but I can't tell you what it is, just in case it ends up as a present. I don't know what I'm going to do with it yet.

So much is happening all over the world, except right here. All my fault. I think I'm going to go see a taiko perform next week or sometime. I wonder if I would be closer to the other exchange students if Sammi and Ally weren't here. Or would I be even more of a recluse than I am? My thoughts are turning more and more random, I wonder if that's a bad thing or a good thing. But then when it's time to think, I can't do it. Just sit back and let it flow.

Going to Nisseko this weekend. Ought to be interesting. I don't think all the exchange students have been in one location in a while. More slumber parties like when we first got here. That was fun, hopefully it will be fun again.

So, we had a big test today. Covering 6 chapters or so. After the speaking part, when we had to talk with the teacher, she asked me if I had studied a lot. I guess that means I did well...she kept making little comments during the test, but I just figured that's part of the whole "be supportive" thing. Anyway, so I didn't study that hard, I just understood the questions a lot better this time. I hope it's because I'm getting better, not because it was easy stuff. But then we were talking about how we are almost done with the book and what are we going to do when we finish it. I hope we can just have discussion classes or work on vocabulary or keep practicing what we know. There can't be all that much grammer left to learn anyway that we can't learn just by talking. I need to speak in Japanese more often.

I had a dream about moving back to campus for the last year. It wasn't sad or crazy or weird or antyhing, it was just normal. It was pretty real, except for a few details, like Cassie and Uyen aren't living together and stuff like that. So I'm worrying about my ability to "enjoy the now." I guess I'm not. Arrgghh

Ahh man, talking to people and remembering just makes things sad. DARN YOU SUA! What are we going to do after we graduate in 366 days. There's the number: the countdown has begun. Always forget that there will be homework and work involved next year. It should be just reminiscing and having fun.

On a positive note, I painted my nails all shiny and now I just want to look at them all day long. There is a newfound appreciation for nail...am I going to have to start taking care of them? That would cut some time out of my sleeping schedule.

Going to a Shakespeare play tonight, by a British troope. It will be in English of course, but I wonder if I will understand it.

Is it more fun gossiping about SUA in Japan than it was at school? Maybe just because gossip here means I really go care. VOV says gossip is bad, but I never did it to be mean, I just was to know what's going on, and I'm too shy to ask them myself.

Bloggy bloggy bloggy. Ah, just watched a StrongBad Email. What a happy thing. Sooo, with Sokites leaving the building and the Soka diaspora returning to the homeland, I'm feeling a little behind. I feel like we just started, but we've been going for more than a month. I haven't made any breakthroughs yet, I don't think. But I really want to, isn't that the point of this excursion? And I just heard that we have no Japanese classes for next year. Lovely.

Gonna get better, gonna get better.

I am not good with change! Have we noticed this? I have. So why go and make changes where NONE ARE NEEDED? Just adds more confusion to my life.

Went to see pretty flowers today. Pretty plum flowers. It kinda confuses me as to why they are plum trees, they don't put out plums...which I think is an integral part of the plum tree. So anywho, they are pretty, but not quite all the way bloomed yet. So maybe we'll go back next week. We went in the morning because it gets so crowded during peek hours. So maybe only a few people can go, but it will still be fun anyway.

I'm feeling a bit separated from the other abroaded studiers. I was feeling like we were all integrating pretty well, but lately I have been hanging out with only Sammi and Ally. I hope it doesn't continue like this, but they are the people I see the most, because we have 12 hours of Japanese class together every week... Not to mention that now a certain evil one is ignoring me now. Not that I want us to be friends, but is a casual hello too much to ask for? Apparently so for this one. Whatever, just as long as it doesn't become something annoying.

And I'm getting sick!! Sure taking it's sweet time though. I just want to get it over with!

Quickly quickly, must get home to dinner!

So I now have Ally hooked on blogging. She drags ME in here to blog with her. What do I have to say? I have no life, nothing to report. Except that, why do I have a job and no one else does? It's like the world has frozen over and hell has ended, or something like that.

There is a big test on Monday. So far, I have managed to sleep an extra three hours, waste two sending pictures to Alex so that he won't harrass my program coordinator anymore, and pretended to study for about five mintues. Ain't I good folks?? This test aughta be a breeze. Except for the speaking part. Who says you need to be able to speak a language to be able to speak a language?

So I got my classes, whoop-de-doo. Why was I freaking out for so long? Life is a sad. My life is measured by the amount of time I spend freaked out.

Announcing...The creation of a fantastic new resource for fun and entertainment, laughter and tears, and, most importantly, new fodder for the rumor mills.

www.allichan.blogspot.com

Or just visit my conveniently located link to the left of the screen.

Everyone's doing it, you should too.

Life in the Fast Lane. Or not.

So everyone has been writing sad things, and it makes me sad. The Mad Three (that's my spur of the moment name for us) have been reminiscing like, well, mad lately. I wonder if it's driving others insane. It's certainly driving me insane. The major downside of SUA: getting us all attached to each other. It's like there's still an umbilical cord connecting us all to the mothership. Sooner or later it's going to have to be cut. And you know how it is with chicken pox: the older you are the worse it is. Yeah, I like mixing my analogies, it's fun.

So, Japanese people will watch ANYTHING. They have the randomest shows. I watched one where they put really obscure kanji up and made the people guess the reading for it. And they were all celebrities. I mean, come on people, make a movie or something. And then there was one where they were playing kids games, the kind were you have to clap in rhythm and do some brainy thing at the same time without losing the rhythm or messing up. Craziness. It was funny to watch...for about 2 minutes, and then I had to change the channel.

ARGGGGHHHH Next time around, I will not be in the 1st class. I have no classes to take. But that's okay, I won't be able to register for them anyway, so it's all good.

So, after having three 3-hour literature classes in Japan, I think I'm pretty safe in saying that I'm thankful for the classes at SUA. We read interesting books in class or course, but the discussions are a little limited. Partially it could be because there are only three English speakers in the class besides the teacher, but there is also something about the depth of the questions. He always seems to be concerned about how Japan is portrayed and whether it is an actual portrayal or not. Hello, you're American, and no matter how much you pretend to know about Japan, the truth is that you're still a foreigner who has lived here for a few years. Plus, it's Japanese people writing about themselves, so let them be. And we don't need a summary or a warmup, bring on the tough questions. Just different I suppose, but I don't come out of the class with great and grand new ideas like sometimes happens at SUA, even in a regular run-of-the-mill they-made-me-take-it courses.

Anyway, it sure didn't steal that one. HAHAHAHAHA I have fooled the evil computer masters. Now I need to go do some homework or something.

Eep, the thingy stole my entry. I don't like it when it does that, but I don't know how to make it stop.

And that just makes me sad and not want to write anything...........

I have this weird headache thing going on. I get lots of sleep at night because I am SOOOO tired here for some reason, but I still get headaches. I don't know where they come from, unless they come from thinking too hard.

Oh yeah. And somehow, I've become motivated enough to be a good studied. I have been studying sooooo much in the past week. It's pretty cool, even though I don't really feel like I know all that much more, but I might eventually, so I'm gonna try to keep it up.

Monday monday, wish it were Sunday. Took a placement test today. I don't quite understand how it will place us, the questions were pretty easy to guess on. Anyway... why do I have the feeling I'm going to be stuck in a lower class than I should? I guess that would be okay for reviewing things like particles and the like, but I want to learn how to say stuff to. Maybe I'm just being pessimistic today.

Not really comfortable with the host family yet, I hope it will happen though. It's just weird with the host father. I don't know if I should stay out of his way or what. I'm sure part of it is just that it's new and that's normal. Everyone elses host family sounds really cool.

This sure is a loud keyboard.

I am hungry, but the cafeteria was WAY too crowded when we went over there. Gonna try again later.

Good thing I have a pass that will get me from here to home as many times as I want, because there is nothing to do here now, and if I had to pay to go home, I would be pretty angrified I think.

And what is up with SUA registration. I'm going to develop a twitch if I don't get an email soon. You know, it would have been nice if I had been informed that it's postponed in the first place, instead of having to ask about it. Here I was, thinking that I'm going to be stuck in all 100 courses because I'm out of reach, when all along, nothing is going on. Japanese people write in run-on sentences, I may start doing the same thing.

I hate having two blogs!!!

Inner thoughts, inner thoughts. I having problems separating my inner thoughts from the mush in my brain. And I have 15 minutes in which to do it. Yeah right. And email!!

This is where I'm meeting Jason+
5th subway stop: ima de gawa
Exit 1 at the bottom

3 minutes...gotta go eat lunch. I'm hungry. Jason sure doesn't seem like he fits MY definition of a global citizen, for all that he lives in another country and apparently like Japanese stuff. After this trip, I may have to only see him occasionally. Maybe I'll take a class from a different proffessor. A bunch of the other students are pissed off at him, and who knows how the rest of the trip will go. Hopefully, I will stay busy elsewhere in Tokyo. I gotta go, gotta go!!

What is going on here?

I've got a plan, and that makes me feel good. But the plan, well, truth be told, there are four or five plans, can't begin until I'm back at Soka. So I need a plan for Japan. I think it will be a lot easier when I have a purpose in Japan and am not just a lazy bum spending money all over the place.

At least today I held back. There were earrings that I didin't need...and I didn't buy them...and I only sort of regret it now. On the other hand, I got a messengery-bag type deal that I've been wanting for a long time. Now let's just see if it will last longer than a week!!

So far, I have met two students from the fourth class. One is Yoko Shimura, the daughter of the Japanese Willy Wonka. Isn't that wonderful! But she's really nice. She just graduated from a different university, Tamagawa University. Both Conny and I needed to buy shoes for the graduation ceremony, but 1)they were all over $100 dollars, way over, and 2) none of them fit.

So she came with us to help us find shoes. Turns out, we can fit into the size L shoes, we were just not doing it right before. You need to wear stalkings for it to work. She also showed us a place where all the shoes were on sale for $26. So I got two. Not that I need two pairs, but that's okay, they're cool. One pair is really pointy, which is weird, since I've never had pointy shoes before, but I'll get used to them.

The other girl is Risako Doi, straight from Soka High School. We went to their International Club meeting yesterday and hung out for the day. Did you know Maju was the president of the International Club? I sure didn't, and now I'm going to make fun of her!! Risako lived in the U.S. for four years, so her English is really good. It was weird to speak regular English with Japanese people, and it was still really stunted. Alas, I don't think I'm going to be able to take a Kehlen class next year, at least, not first semester!!

Wrote a really long letter today.

Was annoyed by a bunch of chanters.

Sat in the sun.

Listened to the trees talk.

Watched the birds play.

Found peace in a turbulent seashore.

How do waves work anyway?

Ate too much, and it was good.

Stared off into space while pretending to listen.

Learned a new Japanese phrase.

Became excited about a future class.

Wanted to scream and throw a fit.

Wanted to sleep all day long.

Wanted to escape the craziness.

Wanted to say, "hope to see you soon."

Wanted a culture that I understand.

Wanted to be a people person.

Wanted to forget about tomorrow.

Wanted to express my feelings in song.

Life is not on hold, no matter that this place is not my place. The world keeps spinning, and work progresses even though I'm gone. No one will wait for me, so I should wait for no one.

I have thoughts, many many thoughts.

Spring Break: SUA students in town. Not many, but they are here. We're all attending the SUJ graduation ceremony on Friday, which, of course, the founder will attend. I have to say that, even though everyone keeps congratulating us, I'm beginning to feel a little ambivilant. It's so hyped that I don't even want to participate anymore. I hate the whole invitation thing. I could also feel a little annoyed that we couldn't go to the other ones, but maybe I'm not sure. I know of one person, Japanese member, no connection, as such, to SUA, who attended the Gakuen (high school) graduation and will also be attending the SUA graduation. Now I'm thinking, if there are such limited seats, and everyone wants to go, why does this person get to go to two of them, at least one of which, he has to people in.

Yeah, I'm whiny, but the whole hierarchy thing is the SGI is driving me nuts. If an organization wants everyone to be equal and happy, putting some people above others, and really treating them better, is not the way to go. It's very obvious here that high leaders in the SGI and those connected to them are seen as closer to President Ikeda, and so better than common people. We have been introduced to many leaders, and we are supposed to be ecstatic that we get the opportunity to meet with people we can't communicate with and have nothing to talk about anyway. It's just awkward silence puntuated by stupid and required questions about family members and so forth.

And I'm trying to stay positive and see all the good things, I really am. But I see people learning and passing on the good things without thinking about it. We went to an English gosho lecture, and the dude was saying things that were really unclear and could be taken completely the wrong way, and people were just nodding their headings, like what he was saying was gold. And I was sitting there thinking, "What is this guy talking about." Of course he said some nice things, but he also said things that I absolutely cannot agree with. Can I take the good without the bad? I don't think I can pick apart his lecture and ignore the things I think are wrong. But most other people seemed really happy with what he said.

I don't want to give everyone the benefit of the doubt when they are influencing that many people. The SGI is a very powerful and influential organization within Japan, even in politics. President Ikeda has given a goal of 10 million votes for the Komei Party in the upcoming election. No one I have talked to, even a Komei member, can tell me anything about their platform, except that they are for peace. Great. Not many people seem worried about this. I found ONE. And what if I don't want to vote for them, even if I did know what they were about (and I could vote in Japan)? Would I be kicked out of SGI-land? It's not even a question of whether SGI members will vote Komei. From what I have heard from outside SGI sources about Komei in the past and elsewhere, they run a little to the right. Well, I run pretty far to the left. Everyone wants peace, or at least most don't want to destory the country, and the difference is how they think it should be done. What if I don't think what the Komei wants to do will work?

Religion and politics shouldn't mix. And no religion should tell you who to vote for. And there shouldn't be political commercials at meetings. But here it happens. And I don't have enough Japanese, and no one has enough English, for me to complain adequetely or to explain myself. They don't seem to get it when I try. There is no criticising of the SGI at all here, that I can see or understand.

So, yesterday we did the whole crazy meeting thing again. One at 10 am and one at 8 pm. The 10 am one was okay, same old same old. But the one at 8 pm was to watch the video of the recent Headquaters Meeting. In Japanese of course. So why was I there? I don't know. I thought that Tariq Hassan (SGI-USA Vice-mens and SUA Board Member) was going to speak, but he didn't. So there was exactly nothing that I understood. And I was fuming. Going to the meeting I was pretty hyper and singing songs and stuff, but once the meeting started, I got really unhappy. I figure, it didn't hurt anything, but my legs really started hurting, and I remembered Cassie's knee problems, and I got a little mad. Grrrr Nothing out of it, and killing my hips and knees doing it. lovely.

But between the meetings, we went out with Maju's mom and a friend of hers. The friend was really really nice and gave us, of course, some home-made notebooks and bags. She didn't speak any English, but we didn't let that stop us. Her daughter lives in Miami, and she showed us pictures from their last trip. Then we started talking about how humid Japan is in the summer and she said that her daughter won't come back to Japan because of that. The only bad part was when I completely forgot the name for humidity. We acted it out and understood what we were talking about and Conny knew it in German, but I couldn't for the life of me remember in English. Yeah, talk about good impressions on new acquaintences. So she was nice, and I really like Maju's mom, and we're all going to the Onsen on the 17th. Hehe. We'll see how I do.

So other than that, I'm surviving. Mostly. Today we slept until the afternoon and went for a short walk. Nice easy day. Called Grace yesterday, she's back in Japan, along with her mom. We're getting together tomorrow, don't know to do what though.

Ahh, just wrote for an hour at least. Short.

Getting smothered.
Shutting down.
What to do??
Having much fun outside the house, no fun inside.
Want to go to Sapporo.
Need homework, some purpose to my life.
Don't like being used as a shakubuku tool.
Don't always need translation.
Perfectly happy to stare off into space.
Poor doggy!!
I like central heating.

Time for me to complain...tune out if you don't care:

Alex Okuda is trying to make me pay $113 dollars for my plane ticket. He says I was over my limit of $1200. I sent him back an email saying, "uhhh, maybe the limit is $1365." He replied, but I haven't read it yet. After I finish complaining, I'll read it, I just have a bad feeling about the email. Sammi, Ally, wanna back me up on the $1365? I remember because I was like, "cool, 365 days in a year." You don't mistake things like that. Or at least, I don't.

Next. They say I am overdue for my phone bill. Did Jessica know she had a phone bill? When I went to pay my last two or three in December, no one mentioned it. Was it for December? How was I supposed to know that? So many kinks to work out!! I went on to the class sign-up login thing, but that was a little impossible. If that thing is to be believed, I owe about $9000, due in January. Huh, that number makes no sense. It's not how much I pay the school, it's not half of what I pay the school. It's a nonsense number. Anyway, how do I pay a bill from Japan? I didn't bring any checks with me.

One more. I got an email from Cindy Cohen yesterday demanding that I come pick up my financial aid application and mail it directly to the Department of Education by 5:00 that day. I didn't check my mail yesterday. I got another mail today like I was ignoring the other email or something. So now...who knows. I left it signed with my father before I left. I can't do it online without him, he can't send it in without me. Anyone see a problem here?

So we're going to Kyoto. At first Otousan and Okaasan were freaking out because...well they freak out whenever we try to do anything on our own. And of course they know someone's daughter who is a travel agent. And it was too expensive. But then, Okaasan's penchant for telling everyone everything paid off. One woman, very nice, good cheesecake, cute kids, can NEVER remember her name, has a friend in Kyoto who would of course love to host SUA students anytime. Her daughter is in high school and wants to go to SUA and so would love the chance to talk to real live SUA students. Oh yeah, and Kacchan's dad is one of her teachers. So all we have to do is pay the bullet train cost (not insignificant) and a small amount of money to the friend, and we're all set. It's a little scary though...SGI connections all over the country. You need something, and we know someone who can help you and maybe get you a good deal. Truly. So far we've got: cell phones, travel agent, kimonos, English speakers, shop owners, and school teachers, to name a few.

I feel like a teenager all over again ('cause THAT was a long time ago=P). I'm rebelling against everything and everyone. Though I'm not doing as bad as Conny. For once, I am not the one with the worst attitude. It's weird. But at least I have someone to talk to about my craziness. I would HATE it if she was all happy and lalala about everything here.

But we are being well taken care of. In fact, that's our complaint. Funny, ain't it?

Went to a teachers meeting today and gave a little speach. We talked about the qualities that some of our SUA professors have that make them wonderful. All non-SGI members, and we told them that. We said how you don't have to be an SGI member to care about students. And a lot of them were nodding. It was cool, I think they agreed. The first time anyone here has admitted that something non-SGI about SUA is okay or even good. I was happy. I felt like I did when I was younger and had gone to a really good meeting. I was bouncing off the walls. We were trying to decide what flowers we are. But there was major language barrier, English, German, and Japanese. Hmm, maybe it's just been a while since I've been to a good meeting. And it's funny, because I couldn't understand what they were saying through the whole thing. I was still happy when I left, not angry or bored.

I got my family profile today for Sapporo! Not much on it, but at least I have names and an address. No kids, well, two older than me, but no little kids. Somehow they put down what the older kids like, even though they live somewhere else. The mom teaches flower arrangement. It might be a little anal, but I'm gonna try and try it anyway.

Decided today...gonna buy the hardcase! Hehe, excited now. Now I can go crazy at Shibuya next week!!

Taking flowers to Mrs. Ikeda tomorrow. We're taking flowers from the Women's Division of Kanagawa. And we're taking letters. My letter says...nothing. I don't really have anything to say to her, I don't know very much about her as a person. It's a little odd...

Okay people, this is how it's working. I've got two blogs going. This one, and one for people who only care about my doings and not my inner thoughts (or people I don't especially want reading my inner thoughts). The long long narratives have been at the request of the other folk. I've been posting them on both sites, with maybe a little extra here sometimes. But I'm tired of that. Lately, I have been too tired to do the inner thought bit. So, if you want to read long narrative, go to http://greenorangegeek.blogspot.com. If not, stay tuned to this channel.

Okay, now channeling inner thoughts...

I am a trained monkey. We went to big SGI place today and they made us say our little practiced speaches. Then Okaasan told the people about Conny's dream to build Soka University of Europe. Oh, didn't know that's what she was going to do? Neither did she. When we walked into the back area, the people all clapped for us. It's insanity, and they just perpetuate it by spreading what great and wonderful people we are. Argh, it makes me insane. I am somewhat safe because I have been adimant about NOT having plans. But recently I have become the genius child because I started SUA at 17 and could do part of gongyo at about 5. So she tells everyone we meet this, and we can't refute it, because none of them speak English, and it would be WAY weird to contradict her in the middle of her session.

It's impossible to be angry with the people we meet, because seem soooo sincere about hoping and thinking that we will change the world. Of course, some of them just think about us as things to show off, but many are truly interested in us as people and want to discuss actually how we are going to change the world and all that. But I can be angry at the people who are spreading and encouraging this kind of behavior. I go back and forth between thinking that Okaasan just wants to be the bringer of all this good news and thinking that maybe she is just trying to give people hope. But then, what happens when Conny doesn't open SU-Europe? She KNOWS. We had a long and difficult conversation about what our dreams are. I'm thinking that SGI-Japan is a little messed up. Oh, and try convicing them that SUA doesn't exist as a conduit to help people work for the advancement of the SGI alone. I think they understand that not all the students are SGI, but I don't think they understand that we are going to go on and work for organizations other than the SGI.

Oh yes, and did I mention that I'm being slightly smothered by all the attention? I love it when Conny and I are out and exploring, but when we are with Okaasan and Otousan, they keep trying to lead us places. I want to look and go for myself. Okaasan kept taking my arm today, and I really did not want it taken! And you walk into a room after having ben absent from the group for three seconds and they ask you if you are all right. I know some of it is Japanese culture, but I think a little bit could be SGI culture.

The woman we met at the culture center today is a bug leader in Kanagawa. They said that she is so busy that she never had time to get married, even though she wanted to. All I could think about was how that is so wrong. I don't think that people should put so much of their lives into something that they can't even have a life of their own. If they want to that is. If someone is perfectly happy without a family or a life of some kind, whatever, but if a person wants a family, they should have a family. What is the point of an organization that celebrates everyday life when the people working for it can't even have one of their own?

Yeah...done, inner thoughts for the day.

Today we went to the Tama Doubutsuen. The ZOO! Once we figured out how to get there...the evilness of changing trains across train companies...it was pretty cool. It only cost 600 yen to get in, less than $6.00 U.S. Though it did cost about $10.00 U.S. to get there...but that is beside the point. This zoo is apparently known for housing its animals in natural environments. Many of the animals looking pretty content, but there were a few that we unhappy to be the center of attention.

The first thing we saw was a Tapir. Yeah, what?? They were actually pretty cute!! They have the body of a pig kind of, and a nose between an elephant and a pig. Maybe closer to an anteater. One of them was just wandering around, he had a lumbering gait that endeared him to me. He may have been a little bored, because he kept bugging the one that was trying to sleep. And he wouldn't hold still so I could get a nice picture. We'll see how the roll develops.

Then we saw this really cute and friendly Wild Pig. Boy was he hairy!! He kind of followed us along the fence as we read his information and tried to stick his snout through the wire at us. Yuck, but cute. He was like a dog wanting attention. There weren't many people there, so we were the only ones looking at him at the time. I didn't see any female wild pigs, and I can imagine it gets pretty lonely all by yourself. His pen was all full of mud, and so was his fur. I guess that's what he likes.

Then there were some PereDavid's Deer. Don't ask me what kind that is, but they were big and had fuzzy antlers. They were also really bored and unhappy. The male, I think...he was separated from the rest, was just lying on the ground with his back to us. He barely had any room, and those guys are used to the forests and lots of space...I'm assuming. The others were just standing around. They didn't look happy at all.

Next we saw Snow Leopards. In one inclosure, there were two adults. One was sitting high on a rock and staring at something. Don't know what, but when we walked by later, he was still in the exact same position. The other one was laying in a rut and licking at the ground...who knows. They have the furriest, puffiest tails I have ever seen. They actually got even more puffy at the end. They were probably as big around as a two-liter bottle of pop!! The one licking the ground stopped and when to play with a wooden post. He was just a big kitty-cat at this time. And he knew exaclty where to keep his head so we couldn't take too many pictures. In another area there was a mom and two babies. Maybe teenagers. The little ones attacked the mom, and she just licked them. Then one made the mistake of lying on his back while the other was sitting on a rock. Showing your belly is the universal sign for "Attack me!!" They were already so so fluffly! I bet they don't have to worry about staying warm.

Then the best exhibit in the place: Red or Lesser Pandas. They are SOOOOO cute. They look like a red colored raccon with the face of a panda bear. They have little ears and hands they can use to manipulate the branches. They eat like pandas, all slow and very concentrated. But then they would wander about like a bear, just plodding about. And they also climbed the rocks and trees. One was high in a tree and hanging upside-down and generally hanging-out. They also slithered like otters when it came to small spaces between braches. I just wanted to take one home and poke its belly. They were also really fluffly!!

They had a Tiger, some Gray Wolves, and an Asian Elephant that were all really unhappy to be there. The Tiger wouldn't stop pacing and scratched a couple times at the door to the inclosure. That's all the Wolves did. They didn't even bother to look at the spectators, they were intent on getting through that door. But the scariest was the poor Elephant. His pen was all make of concrete, nothing nature like in the others' cages, and he was standing there swaying. It looked like he was dancing, but I really don't think that's natural for an elephant. Maybe he used to perform in a circus or something, but it kind of freaked me out. If he was a human, I would have said that he was dancing to the music in his head...but...

They had a Koala house, but all the Koalas were sleeping...noctural I guess? There were some cute Wallabys and a huge Wombat. I thought wombats were small like the Wallabys, but this one was as big as a medium-sized dog, though lower to the ground. Way bigger than a bread box. They also had Laughing Ko-ca-something birds that were kind of cute.

Then we went to find the African animals. They were on the map, but there was construction (and I think the map was a little wonky) so it was hard to find. On the way we passed a mega-load of Storks and a bunch of Hawks and Eagles that showed off their impressive wingspans. Wouldn't want to make one of those upset with me!! We finally found the African section and the Chimpanzee habitat. Their playground looked like the playground at any elementary school, with lots of things to hang from. Not exactly natural, but I'm sure they didn't mind.

But they didn't stay long...ran off to the back or somewhere. About this time, we started wondering when the park closed. We got a late start, so it was already after 4:00. And yup, that's when the park closed... So we didn't get to see the Lions, or the African Elephant, or the other fun things. We did find the Giraffe house on the way out, though why they are kept in a rather smallish building is beyond me. But they were cute, they kept crossing over other peoples necks to get at the food. It looked like a complicated knot, but they were very serene about it all. So we left, and that was that. Have to go again to see all that we missed, I suppose.

Today we went to actual Tokyo to go to the Imperial Palace. It was a little nerve racking at first because we had to switch trains at the Kawasaki Station. There were two lines that we could take. One would stop at every station (maybe 15 or 20?) and would take forever and a day to get there. The other train had two options. One would stop at some stations, but not as many as the other line, and the other would go straight to Tokyo but would cost extra money. So we were trying to catch the fastest train that wouldn't cost us extra money. When we got to the platform for what we hoped was the right train, there are all sorts of signs for the "green car." No one mentioned anything about a green car. I'm suspicious that it's the expensive one...because it was different than what I had seen before. So a train comes, and there are green squares all over it, but the sign says it's a regular train. So we get on. Then it gets going really fast, faster than any of the other trains we have been on, and doesn't stop for a long time. And I'm beginning to think that maybe we did get on the one that takes extra money, but how the heck did they let us on without paying? Are they going to stop us and yell at us in this other language when we get to Tokyo? Long story short: we were on the right train, I was stressing about nothing.

So we finally make it to the Palace, and the gate is closed. There are about five guards stationed outside the gate and some others inside a booth. Well how about that. The guards let in some people, but they look like they are too well-dressed to be tourists. We don't trust our language ability enough to ask what is going on or understand the answer. So we walk a bit and see another gate. There are more tourist-looking people at this one, but they're just standing in front of the gate. So we take a few pictures of the roof of the house that we can see over the fence and we leave. As we are leaving, a large group of tourists come, "Boy are they going to be disappointed."

As we head back to the station, we hear a megaphone. Can't understand what it's saying, it's in Japanese, but we decide to follow it anyway. All around us are business people in business suits entering and exiting the banks and insurance companies surrounding us, and all ignoring this Voice. A couple blocks away we see a guy standing on a make-shift platform with a megaphone. Everyone is ignoring him.

We find a gigantic underground mall attached to Tokyo Station. Well, who knows if it's gigantic, but for a mall attached to a subway, it sure is. Wander, wander, wander. Conny wants a white jacket. Too small, bad collar...WAY too expensive. Why oh why am I in a first-world country?? But luggage is cheap. Pretty colors, hardcases, a hundred and some odd bucks. Jessica may acquire a new suitcase on her stay here. Saw one with Mickey Mouse on it.

Leave to go home just about rush hour. Why is being smushed between many people you probably couldn't hold a conversation with to save your life so funny? The way everyone just takes a breathe and squishes together is truly hilarious. There are three people inside your personal bubble, you are probably in three other peoples' personal bubbles, and everyone tries to be polite and not notice how uncomfortable the situation is. No one complains when the train goes around a corner and the domino affect topples everyone and their sister because no one can reach a handhold, even if there were enough for everyone. So we do the horribly inappropriate, we laugh every time we fall into another person, squeak when we are pushed against a wall.

Okaasan tried to convince me that I shouldn't take a bath, or ofuro, because I'm sick. These people. A Japanese ofuro is different than an American bath. It's deep so that a person can sink in up to their chin, indeed, they can't not. It's temperature controlled to be 42 degrees Celsius always. When not in use, a cover is placed over the top to conserve as much energy as possible, a whole family will use the same tub full of water. As such, you clean yourself off as much as possible before going in. As whole family's worth of sloughed off skin...eeewwww. But it's worth it, kind of. When I get in the tub, my whole body tingles in a way that is not always so pleasant. I think it comes from my surface being warmer than the inside. Normally, body temperature is 37 celsius, that's 5 degrees warmer than normal. So it's a case of what's just underneath my skin shivering at the temperature difference, while my skin is very happy indeed. Once I'm used it, I'm still not used to it. It's just too hot. But I don't want to get out. No matter that I can feel myself overheating after sitting for two minutes, I don't want to go out into the cold again. But after awhile, I must. And it feels good to be in the cool air.. And still, a hour after getting out, I feel warm. The air around me cannot touch the inner core of warmth that the ofuro gave me.

Does anyone else feel like something they are anticipating is going to be so exciting and different and have sparkles just hanging in the air announcing that THIS is what you have been waiting for for so long? I do. Especially birthdays and trips. I gave up on birthdays a long time ago. Waking up to a day just like any other is just a mite dissappointing when it's supposed to be the greatest day of the year.

And Japan is pretty cool...But there are no sparkles in the air. I could have gotten on a plane and flown around in circles for 10 hours while they moved in a bunch of Japanese people. I am not endlessly happy and healthy. The walls of this house are made of the same thing as everywhere else. I wake up in the morning and stare at the curtains, willing them to be made of sugar or be slightly glowing. But they're not, they're just mustard colored. And I still have trouble getting to sleep some nights, just like home. You'd think that on a magic trip, sleep would be easy, once you finally got to bed. My host people annoy me sometimes, which also shouldn't happen in a perfect world.

However, the food is very very good, pretty much all the time. Sometimes it's not even so different, but it is made by different people, which makes it infinitely different. It's fun to see things whose uses remain anonymous behind the language barrier.

I was watching tv today, because I am confined to the house for the afternoon, and the people on were insane. And I think I saw snipets of at least three different shows. It might have been for kids, which would explain parts of the weirdness. And the whole not understanding what they were saying I suppose.

This evening, we're going to a memorial service. I'm a little scared about the memorial service, we are just going for 30 minutes or so. I'm not quite sure why we're going. I hope it's not just so that we can observe a Japanese memorial. The lady who died was the grandmother of the man who is trying to help us get cell phones. He was here on the night she dies, but I think she finally did die after he left. I hope so, it would suck to know that you're grandmother died while you were trying to help a couple of picky foreigners get impossible cell phone plans. (Hey, one word they actually use Japanese for, keitai denwa, amazing!) Then after the service, we're going to a sushi bar...talk about killing the mood? And then we'll go see some other girls and plan a trip to Shibuya for tomorrow.

I have decided that my cold will be over by tomorrow. And it had better. I'm really tired of them trying to force feed me medicine and telling me that if I take a shower, I will get worse. And then hitting me, while I'm sick!! I won't complain too much it they pat backsreally hard while I'm healthy, but I really don't like it when I'm sick. And bowing really aggrivates a headache... We were talking about body temperature, I really don't remember why, and they think that 98.6 (37.5) is abnormally high. They say it should be around 35. Now, am I insane? Conny agrees with me, and it's more than one person here who has commented (Okaasan seems to tell everyone EVERYTHING about us). How is this possible? It's shouldn't be possible. I am really confused. But how could some people have a way lower regular temperature. And it doesn't seem likely that that many people are just mistaken.. yes, oh confusion.

I have a cold!! :'(((( I have slept most of the day because of it. Now I just can not bear the thought of sleeping any more. So I will write something for you!

More different things...
Cars must stop one to two car-lengths back from the traffic lights because the roads are so narrow that even regular cars need the extra room when turning.
No garbage can in the kitchen, is this normal?

So yesterday I spent my first time "shopping." We wanted to explore, but as we have discovered, if we do not have a specific place and a specific task in mind, we get one quick. We said we were going to go exploring, and then Otousan was telling us about this shopping mall that is only two stops away on the subway. And then he had decided that that's where we were going...yeah, his English is okay, but not good enough to refute things like that. So we went, promising to get some French bread while we were there.

They told us how to find the bread store, but they didn't tell us that it would be nestled in a basement full of all sorts of goodies. There must have been 25 stands of goodies just asking us to eat them. Most of them looked pretty French. There was lots of strawberry-topped cake!!! So I had to haul Conny through it all so we could get what we came for. As it was, later we bought four different pieces of cake to bring back with us for dinner. And a couple of donut goodies to eat right away!!

So after that, we escaped to do some real shopping. Except everything was way expensive!! So we just wandered around, looked at the crazy shoes, and lamented over the slain bunnies. The shoes are INSANE! All I can say is that they like color, a lot, and all together. All of them had pointy pointy toes, small heals, and were covered with stripes of rainbow, metallic, and patterned color. And some of them had strings of bells to go along with. It was okay that they were way expensive, because I didn't want to buy any. And we couldn't figure out if we could touch them or not. The salespeople kept saying "irashaimase" and there was a different one every 10 feet or so. When they muttered something at us, we didn't understand. Anyway...

The other stuff was mostly okay, with a little splash of WAY GARISH intersperced at regular intervals. They had a whole section of bright green purses. I guess it's a brand or something?? When they take to something, they take to it hard!!

And then there was the rack of fur stoles. At least half of them had to be real, and I don't know about the other half. And they were marked 50% off. That's the worth of life these days. So we petted them and murmured to them for about five minutes.

Yo, gotta taberu (eat).

Things that are slightly, or even very, different about Japan:
There are fire hydrant signs, but that doesn't make it any easier to find the fire hydrants.
Even cars beep when they back up.
You don't have to wear your seatbelt in the back seat.
No street addresses!
Bigger rear view mirrors.
No central heating in the houses.
TV programs start at odd times.
Buttons on the keyboard are not always what they appear.

That's all I can think of right now, but I'll keep you updated.

Okay, what have I done lately? On Thursday Okaasan took us to Minka En. There are about 20-25 old style houses on display. The big ones of the nobility, not common peoples' houses. But there were houses from all sorts periods and locations around Japan. It was kind of peaceful there, like Hobbiton or something. There was even one house with a circular doorway! Bery bery cool. We had some dango san kyoudai there too. Pretty yummy, if hard to eat. Had to sing the song of course. Sometimes I wonder if they think that we came here knowing nothing about Japan, they are always so surprised when we do know anything.

Later we took our first trip to a hyaku en store. A 100 yen store. It was interesting, but there wasn't a whole lot that I wanted to buy. There was a bunch of stuff that I will definitely get before I start classes though. Fun Japanese paper, pens, and utensils. Fun fun. Then I tried my Visa card for the first time, and it didn't work. But at least I was just trying it for fun. I've got to figure out what went wrong, we were in a hurry, so I wasn't paying attention.

Then we went to the Kawasaki Community Center and watched someone receive Gohonzon. Then we were in the picture. I don't quite know why they wanted us in the picture, it was more on a intimate ceremony than in the U.S. Well, I don't want to know, I wish I didn't know. Right.

Yesterday we had a quite day at home, mostly. I slept until almost 11. Then we took Rano the dog for a walk. It was a long walk, and we got lost a little, but only a little. He's an old dog, so he had some trouble going up and down stairs. It was kind scary. Mostly he would trot along like a puppy, but when we came to stairs, his back feet would miss and he would stumble. He actually fell once, but I was behind him to catch him. Scariness.

Then we separated again to go to a block meeting. Block equates to Group, but with twice or three times the number as I'm used to. There was a guy there who lived in the U.S. for 26 years, longer than me. So he translated for me. They were very interested in SUA. For the people who almost single-handedly financially support SUA, they certainly don't know much about it. The Mizunos didn't even know that there was a graduate school.

Oh yeah, and Okaasan had me wear a sunflower, the symbol of the current Komeito candidate. We're a little nervous about a religious organization mandating voting for one party. Okay, a lot nervous. So we asked what the Komeito poplicy is. They said peace. So we were like...how? And they didn't have too much of an answer. They were focused on peace in Iraq. But I don't know what that means for Domestic policy. From what I've heard, it sounds very conservative to me, which I don't agree with. Otousan said that most parties lie, and this one doesn't, so they are the best. But to me, if they tell the truth about doing something I don't agree with, that's still bad. Anyway, it seems very like SUA to me. High ideals with very little in the way of concrete policies that are going to make it happen.

This new setup is throwing me off...

Okay, Question of the day: How the heck am I supposed to remember all these darn names? Grace said it's important to remember names, but the only ones I remember are Okaasan and Otousan. And half of them I never heard well in the first place. Like tonight. There is this cute kid. His name is K--Kun. That's all I can remember. And it's not good because he is Okaasan's great-nephew. It will work out as long as I only speak when spoken too, as I do now because I can't figure out how to say anything I would like to. But when I can speak a little, which will happen hopefully, I don't know what I'll do...

Stuff you can learn even when you don't speak the same language: Okaasan and Otousan used to dance in competitions, and Otousan has a license to teach social dance; Otousan was a flight engineer, whatever that is, and just retired 2 years ago; they have 3 sons living in Tokyo and Hokkaido; Okaasan is so busy with SGI activities that she doesn't even have time to eat, literally; Japanese people are amazed that I can do gongyo and chant; it's been Okaasan's dream to host an SUA student; Maju's mom is her "boss."

Is simplifying the truth for the sake of communication okay?

So we did go to the art museum. We saw Higashiyama something. I just remember the one name because it's East and Mountain. Helpful to have that picture in your head. He's apparently one of the most well-known artists in Japan, or was. His paintings are supposed to bring across peace. They're kind of nice, but I don't see why he is considered one of the best. There were a couple of horses that looked like a talented 10-year-old girl who is obsessed with horses drew it. Oh well, one point where east and west opinion differ. Unless I'm just off my rocker and he really is the greatest painter ever to live. I think Conny agrees with me.

Today we went to Shinanomachi with Okaasan and Otousan to see a high mucky-muck in the SGI. We wanted to give him letters to give to President Ikeda. When the idea first came up, I was all ready to write a really long and involved letter describing everything I've been feeling for 20 years of existence. But when I sat down to write it, it took me a hour just to get started. Given, I was watching TV at the time, but it was Japanese TV, and I had no idea what was going on. But I wrote a letter, even though it seemed silly to give it to him. So anyway, we met with Mr. Fukase, the head of the Seikyo Shimbun, the SGI newspaper, because is a close friend of President Ikeda's(?) It was sooooo horrible, because we didn't understand what he was saying. I got a little bit of it, but there were times when we just had to change the subject. To make a long, boring conversation short, we mentioned that Grace was going to talk to Mr. Suda tomorrow and he called the guy up and gave is back our letters to give to Mr. Suda. Who knows? Okaasan and Otousan seemed to think he would be the best one to give it to. So we went to the SGI Headquarters to see Mr. Suda. He mumbles. I couldn't get any of what he said. He finally had to call an interpreter. But he was nice. He reminds me of Ed Feasel, very laid back and kind of a big man. He remembered Conny from a year ago too! We had some confusion with me going to Hokkaido and also wanting to go to a Headquarters meeting, but we'll email Hiro and hopefully get it figured out.

So with the extra trip, we were a little late getting back, but we did manage to get back in time for me to get picked up for another district meeting. It was at Okaasan's younger sister's house. Her and her daughter picked me up. The daughter, see? can't remember her name..., is 26 I think and has a 1-year-old son. Except I think she would be at home on the Soka campus. She's still very young and girly. Eh? She also has a sister, and later, I think we're all going to go to Shibuya together. They're really nice, and I think more real than Okaasan and Otousan. Not that they are insincere, but I think I could have more straight FUN with the others. They are less serious and intense. Anyway, gave my spiel in Japanese again, starred off into space while they had their meeting again. Was in another picture. All in all, a full day.

Tired of reading? I'm tired of writing.

Eek, I dropped the ball the last couple days. It's hard to find time to write when I just want to go to sleep!! But now, hopefully, I all better.

Okay, so the day before yesterday, we went to see Grace, who is living with her aunt in Shinanomachi. First we went to an international SGI meeting held in English and there were about 5 people there from Seattle. It was really funny. One I hadn't met, but I met him now. He asked a really good question, so I think he's a good guy. I was really weird to be at a meeting in Japan and have to have an interpreter for the visiting Japanese guy. Weird. But it was a good meeting I think. Naoki was there, which was kind of weird, but I didn't know if I made it weird because of what she did and is doing, or if she was really trying to do it to me.

Anyway, then we went to Grace's house. That is the smallest house I have ever seen! And it holds two people and a cat. I'm not quite sure how. But it was good to see her again and talk to her. She had a really hard time when she first got here because no one around her speaks English. And now her husband has found some tumors that could turn cancerous eventually. She is not having an easy time of it!

Yesterday we went to district meetings and they held a welcome party for us. At least at the district meeting I went to, I know Maju's parents, but Conny didn't know anyone. Then I had lunch with Maju's parents, and they showed me a picture album from their trip to England 10 years ago. Maju was soooo cute and young looking! That was fun, they are very nice people and are missing her very much.

And then the party was a bunch of people we didn't know, very few of them who spoke any kind of English. Not that they would let us speak Japanese mind you. But it was interesting. I gave a rubber-duck Ichiro thing that I got at the airport to a junior high student who loves baseball. I think he liked it a lot, which I don't quite understand, but who cares.

Today we might go to a art exhibition and then a Chinese restaurant managed by the mizuno's daughter-in-law's friend. Got that. Should be fun...

Haha, got lots to write about, so maybe I'll do it every day so I don't forget.

Yesterday we went to Ryogoku, not ryogaku. Ryo as in RYOshin (parents) and Goku as in country. I don't know what it means, but I thought it was interesting. We went to the Edo-Tokyo Museum as saw the history of Japan from 400 years about to post-WW2. We got a free tour in English, so we understood what was going on. It was really interesting to see how the people, common and upper-class, lived 400 years ago. Then we saw how Westernization started. Some buildings had Western-style walls and Japanese roofs. Weird. And they had a hotair balloon bomb thingy that floated over the Pacific Ocean to drop bombs on the West Coast of North America that weren't controlled by anyone. I was trying to figure out how they knew when to drop the bombs. The chick giving the tour was really nice and she showed us things that we wouldn't have noticed otherwise.

Then we decided to go have lunch and look about Shinzuku. It's one of the biggest spots in Tokyo I guess. The Tokyo government is there and a lot of businesses and people. We wandered in these little alleyways looking for somewhere to eat. After we ate, we looked at the guidebook for someplace to go and we realized that we were in the Red-light district. That made sense when I remembered all the guys standing at the entrances to bars and pictures of girls. No wonder it was so hard to find a decent place to eat! haha So we went to the other side of the tracks, literally, to the most wholesome side. We bought things and went to the biggest electronic store I've ever been in. The fridges are crazy and cool. They all have at least 4 doors and come in crazy colors. There were some that could be opened in either direction. Couldn't figure out how they did that... But it was fun and confusing and there were several things that I never figured what they did. Then we came back, but it was time 'cause my feet were hurting a lot. I even went to bed early. And I slept until 8:00, isn't it wonderful!

So that was my first day on the subway. I didn't even get lost. That's a good thing!! Today we're going to see Grace in Shinanomachi. Going to a study meeting in English. Should be interesting. I don't know if it is with English speakers or with Japanese people practicing their English. Either way...hmm. Subway will be more complicated because we have to go from one station and come back to another station. It's all an adventure.

Yup, gotta go!

Yeah, I know I was a little skimpy on the details earlier, but you can just go read Conny's new one to get the idea. We have been together since we met up at the Mizuno's house. New Topic.

Weirdest thing about Japan: Commercials. Insanely weird. Can't figure out what they are selling or they have too intimate a relationship with what they are selling.

Worst thing about Japan: When I'm asked a difficult question and I pause to think about it and the person thinks I didn't understand the question. I don't know what I'm doing after SUA. I need to think a little about why I chose SUA. I need some time!!

Most annoying that I'll have to live with: All the buttons on the internet are in Japanese and I keep canceling things because I can't read what it said.

Greatest enigma of Japan: Both mornings I have woken up before 7:00 am after having gone to bed around midnight. This is not normal for me. By my bodies choice, I am getting less than 7 hours of sleep.

Biggest spoiling in Japan: Hot meals 3 times a day. Yummy. Breakfast was eggs, toast, warm salad thing, ham, juice, and two kinds of tea (I guess I accidentally asked for it). Lunch was this yummy seafood thing over noodles. Dinner was lots of stuff: toast, french fries, breaded pork, fish/some sort of vegetable salad, rice ball, corn, juice and tea as I can remember.

Done with that I guess. Today we are trying out the subway system. Too bad we picked something on the other side of Tokyo to do it. Conny thought we were on the other side of the map when she decided she wanted to go there. That's okay though, we've got to figure it out some day. So we're going to Ryogaku I think, and to the Edo Museum. Our first big touristy spot. Should be fun once we get there.

The schdule has been being quickly filled up by SGI meetings. Doesn't bother me. One is a welcome party that will consist of mainly tempura and udon I think. Yesterday we went walking with Okaasan (Mrs. Mizuno) and in the process visited abot 4 SGI houses. We didn't really need to have introduced prepared because Okaasan did them for us. She's amazed and tells everyone that we know gongyo really well even though both of us messed up really badly because it was too slow. I can't figure out if Japanese people have a hard time learning it or if they don't expect people ouside Japan to be able to do it.

One thing about that walk is that Okaasan doesn't speak English, so they was a lot more Japanese than normal. Otousan (Mr. Mizuno) speaks almost exclusively English to us. I think he likes to practice his English. It's okay I guess, but he doesn't understand everything, I think it would be easier on some occasions for us to speak Japanese.

As you can see, I'm not all that big on detail by detail stuff, but I'll try to get better.

So much had happened since the last I thought about anything. Biggest change. Woke up in Japan. Don't know how I got here, but I did, so I might as well make the best of it.

Airport was boring, no need for description. Maju's parents and the Mizunos picked us up and drove us "home." Tolls are way expensive. The Mizunos have a lovely home. It's really big for Japanese. They have four bedrooms, because they have 3 sons. But they're all out the of the house, so Conny and I get our own rooms and everything. They are really great. Last night when we got here, Mrs. Mizuno feed us and we talked for a couple hours. They are insane. Maju's dad tried to get us to call him Nick. Go figure. Anyway, they are fun and I think it's the perfect way to get introduced to a foreign country.

Okay, more later. Must help Conny set up an outlet.

How many ways are there to spoil a person. I'm completely spoiled in the "things, physical manifestations of" department, but then in other ways, I am rather deficient. Here I was freaking out about the certificate I need and was told I would have in plenty of time, and I was given a couple options. And I was thinking to myself, "yes, must plan ahead to make this evilness the easiest it can possibly be." But I didn't. I told myself that it was a long trip, and that I should call in advance so I didn't make the long trip for nothing. And then I told myself that I needed my plane tickets just in case. I was trying to be a ready as possible so that nothing went wrong. But I never did do anything to prepare, because underneath all that was an irrational conviction that everything would be alright. That even though there was no possible way, it would happen. And then I got an emergency email to call Jason in Japan and I thought that something terrible had happened and that I wouldn't be able to go or I'd have to buy a whole other plane ticket or something. But it wasn't. He got the certificate so that I could get the visa before I left...

And the whole time the crisis was going on, I was thinking about how you have to take action to get action. And I did a little too, just not toward the visa. There were things on my list of stuff to do that I had been putting off, so I did those. And I figured, that if the certificate came in time, I would have at least had to prepare for it's not coming. But I didn't do anything, and it still came. So what's going on.

And then, I remembered a talk with Grace I had freshman year. I was complaining because lots of the other students had to go through crazy hardships to get to SUA and I had just applied and gotten in the first try. And she told me that there were other ways to struggle than just the obvious that I had been seeing so much of. I was in the beginning of that conversation that I had been telling her about my life, my mom and my family. So in connection, I was thinking about all the not-so-obvious obstacles that are in my path. They're mostly in my head and heart. My procrastination is just a symptom of my inner problems. And darn it!

But now I'm jealous of the people who have physical manifestations that they can fight. Half of my struggle is figuring out what's in the way and keeping myself believing it. It's always been like that I think. It's not like I've always had lots of money or anything, but when there's something that I want to do, money is never a big issue. On the other hand, I don't have a good relationship with my family, especially my immediate family, and I've always had hard time opening up to people. And I have a sneaking suspicion that I have a self-esteem problem that's masked, in part, by over-the-top confidence in some areas.

Hey, who needs a shrink? I can ask myself, "And what do you think it means?" without paying them lots of mula.

HE GOT THE CERTIFICATE!!!!

Okay, so I admit it, I wasn't going to blog. I've been avoiding it. But I was just reading the others, and Cassie's quote caught me. The one about not praying when it's raining if you don't pray when the sun's shining.

I guess that's kind of my problem. Most of my peeps are aware that I'm having a small crisis of faith right now. Maybe not a crisis, but something is interfering with my practice. Anyway, I've found myself wanting to pray lately. I'm feeling more materialistic than usual, I think it always happens when I'm at home. Maybe something about reverting to how I was before college? And yeah, I'm a pretty materialistic person in general, but it's gone overtime while I've been here. But that's not the only thing I'm worrying about right now. And I've been thinking about praying a lot, but I having done it except in my head. And when I read Cassie's quote, I realized that I feel guilty about that. For my whole life, I've been one of the strongest practitioners in my age group, and even above. I've been told that it needs to be a constant thing and have always believed it. When I heard the stories about people who had stopped practicing and had their life turn to crap, I was utterly astonished that they had allowed that to happen. And now I've basically stopped practicing. I don't avoid, but I don't self-motivate either. And now I'm afraid that my life is going to go the way of those other people. I'll be homeless someday or completely alienate everyone around me. But when I think about what I can do to stop this spiral that I have heard about for my entire life, I feel guilty that that is what it would take to get me back. And I also haven't reconciled with the reasons I'm putting distance between myself and the SGI. I never had anything bad to say about the faith, just the organization. So, is it dishonest of me to practice alone while disparaging the others when one of the other precepts is participating in the organization? They say that you can't practice alone, part of the religion is sharing with other people.

But then part of me rebels at the active part. I think that the ideas and taking action part are important, but I can't rationalize the chanting thing with the practical parts of me. To me, chanting has been about strengthening the resolve within the person. But lately, I have been surrounded by so many people who expect it to work like magic. I have always snubbed my nose at the mysticists and been thankful that I had found a religion that still used it's head. But many still don't. And I feel awkward about talking about it to any within the SGI, just in case they are the same way. And I WILL NOT talk to anyone I don't know just because they are big leaders. I trust them, at least those I don't know and respect personally, less than the rest because they are, it seems to me, spreading or at least not stemming these problems as I see them. I know, I have to take responsibility, and I'm trying, but this is about being honest right? Sp then I think about how I don't need it if I can be strong enough on my own, after all, that's what I've always thought chanting did anyway. Shouldn't I be able to stubborn myself through this?

And this leads to a whole new problem in my head. I am beginning to think that I am just selfish and cold-hearted. The things I think make sense to me in a practical way, but they come from the perspective that I am the most important person. And isn't that part of it? I really do think that we need to have our own best interests in heart. There comes a time when sacrifice helps, but a lot of the sacrifice I see around me will change almost nothing or could be severly lessoned. And I see selfishness in other people who force some to sacrifice things. Which sounds a little hypocritical, but bear with me. If we do our best for ourselves and those we are directly responsible for, we can expect and hope that others would do the same as well. If this is done without malice or anything other interest than pure survival, it wouldn't be about stepping on the little guy to get ahead. At one time in history, it may have been, and I don't know what I would say then, but now we can all live, and we must all live, in harmony with each other. We have the resources and technology to live relatively comfortable. We just couldn't use the standards that society has now, and we would have to be satisfied when we were comfortable instead of always wanting more.

Rant for the night. Looking back, it seems like I'm spiraling. Also from a lifetime of learning: it don't stop till you hit the ground. Either that, or they don't get invited to give experiences. Exactly two weeks from now I will be lost in the confusion of customs with no student visa.

Blog blog blog. Nothing. Nope, nadda but yearnings that have to wait. It seems I'm more ready than I thought to be out on my own. But I could just be ignoring the stuff I don't like. Sounds like me anyway.

So I'm having some difficulties resolving the selfish and unselfish parts of my soul, if you want to get dramatic about it. It's about responsibility and sharing lives and reciprocation and all that jazz. Not so much about money, but about time. Maybe, is money good enough, or how many parts money to how many parts pure time? It's kind of the culture around me, the whole "raising the future" thing. What comes first, our obligations to the past, present, or future? Or am I just being selfish? And is there anything wrong with that? Anyway, I suppose only time will tell.

Today I bought a $60 computer chair. I have to say, that's pretty good for a computer chair, if not so good for something I won't be able to use until August...after spending the same amount as it cost to send it. But it's not like we need one here, and I really wanted to buy it. Currently trying to figure a way to have my dad send it so that it. Problem is that I can send it now, and have it wait around, but my dad would probably put it off for months and then manage to lose the gigantic box. Don't know how that could happen. All I can say is that it's a good thing that he has a sugar-mama.

Spent quite a bit of time at Staples today, where I bought the chair. Climbed on, over, under, and and around it for at least 30 minutes. There will be no more buying of things that I'm not sure about from this section of the room. There were a bunch of people sitting in the desk area and using it as a meeting place. I hope they at least work there. Smart really, cut down on office costs. And then looked around for the ergonomic foot-rest that was advertised on the chair, but they didn't have it, only a standard. The guy seemed surprised at the notion when asked.

It's funny what I buy, I decided I didn't want to buy a bag thing that I wanted, and suspect would be highly useful, because it was $50, then I go ahead and buy something that I really don't need for more. Can anyone understand me, 'cause I sure can't.

Oh yeah. Decided to start buying movies, spur of the moment. Saw this absolutely beautiful documentary called "Winged Migration" and had to buy it. I would have bought the soundtrack too, but it was a miracle that I was able to find the movie itself. That got me to looking about, and now I want more. Starting a list and trying to confine myself...hard hard work. Once the money starts flowing, it's hard to stop.

Okay, so here are my honest and true thoughts on children...(brought on by a visit of my cousin and her devil children and the birth of my other too-young cousin's first child: all descending on me yesterday to confuse my thoughts and make me run away from the sheer volume of it all)

They truly have the potential to make someone's life miserable for the rest of their life. And even if they aren't the spawn of Satan (he's been roaming in the guise of the milkman again...) they take a lot of work, dedication, and selflessness. At this point, I don't feel that I am or ever will be in the right state of mind to become a parent. There is also the physical pain that is involved with the whole process.

On the other hand, what would I do when I got old if I had never had children. I would HATE to be dependent on my children the way my grandparents are on theirs, but most of their social life also revolves around their children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. Let's face it, when you get old, your friends start to die on you, unless you can be lucky enough to go first. ...

And I guess in my future planning, unconsciously, children are always involved, though a long, long time from now. But then, even if I did eventually want and have children, there is always the fear that they would turn out to be horrible serial killers or something. And then I would have to blame myself and feel all guilty. I'm not even exaggerating about one of the devil children being of the devil. She almost died when young and had to go through a liver transplant at 6-months-old and, as a result, was spoiled literally rotten. She never listens to anyone, tells blatant lies when asked direct questions regarding her actions, physically harms her mother when she tries to restrain her, and is an all around brat. Doesn't hurt that she's the only girl in a pack of boys. If I were her mother, I'd have to do something drastic, either to her or myself.

If I do decide to have children, and I have a sneaking suspicion that I won't be able to avoid it, I guess I'll just have to find a way to get past the pain and do the best I can to not raise maniacal hooligans. Either that or do what Grace did: marry into children who are already providing grandchildren.

That's it, it's official. Again. Anyway, reiterated...no kids. Evil evil things.

Stupid thing...won't even let me do stuff.

Well, I'm back in the land of the living. All the snow and ice is gone and the power is back on. Oh yeah, we're living large.

I've very insulted by a study that found Tacoma the #1 stressful city in the U.S. Not that I have a thing about Tacoma or anything, and I can't say anything about most of the criterian, but one of the reasons is that it's cloudy! Can you believe that!?!?!?! As if everyone in the entire world gets depressed when it's cloudy! I didn't catch where the people from this study were, but it had to be somewhere evilly sunny. I personally get depressed when it's too sunny. So I guess So Cal gets on the list huh? And it wasn't just Tacoma. The Portland/Vancouver metropolis is #10. I also find it interesting that those two cities are always together. Anyway, so I guess that NO Northwest city is on the LEAST stressful city list, only on the MOST stressful city list. I am angrified.

Who knows what grade I got. I don't want to look, I never do. And anyway, I don't know how to do it.

Ah ha!! (You can just try to figure out what that means)

I must record my morning so that we can all recognize the signs when we begin to age. Heck, we already think we're old and that the darn young-ins and taking over the world and plan to drive the rest of us insane. Case-and-point: Hillary Duff.

So this morning I took my grandparents to breakfast with their siblings and spouses (at this point, it's hard to remember which is sibling and which is spouse). All told, there were seven elderly people over 65 and me. Which isn't all that bad, I love my grandparents and the others are okay. But I noticed something this time, and it's something we must take pains to avoid.

First they were complaining about Bush and Medicare/Social Security (I don't know the difference or which one we were actually talking about). They were comparing copays on doctors, specialists, and prescriptions (among other things). And I must admit that they did have an excellent point. Bush screwed them over so he could pay for his pet war. Before we left, there was a little ditty on the radio (ad??? Skit??). It summed up the problem of Social Security perfectly. The father was telling the son that the son was going to have to help him and his mom out. And the son was all indignant because he thought that if he paid for his father, he wouldn't be able to pay for himself when he got older. And the dad said that his children would pay for him in the neverending loop. And the son just wanted to keep the money for his own retirement. Yeah yeah, 1) That's all great and good that he'll be taking care of himself, but what about the old people now who were forced to pay for their parents and weren't able to save enough. 2) Uh huh, he's going to be saving that money all right...right. 3) They just have to pay it to the military anyway, and how are they going to save it then? 4) I'm sure I could think of more or possibly less stupid arguments, but I'm done thinking, back to my story...

Anyway, so then they were talking about this skier that was lost for four days in the mountains (obviously) and they just found him alive. And they were saying that he was stupid for getting lost. Yeah, but what are you going to do. I'm sure he won't be doing that again. Then they moved on to an avalanche that took out a cabin. And they were saying that it was stupid of them to build in avalanche country and that they were probably going to whine because the Powers That Be allowed them to build there. Fast forward. They were complaining about people that were building on the flood plane...and let me tell you, there is an entire development on the flood plane. And they were talking about the stupid guys that work for the city who can't read a map to be able to tell when a house will be safe and when it's flood-prone.

I tell yeah. Either the people are stupid for expecting the government to keep them safe instead of taking care of themselves, or the government is stupid because they aren't keeping the people safe with their permits and stuff. It's a bit of a dilemma for me. Yeah, SOMEone is being stupid, because, obviously, houses are going up where they shouldn't, whether in a flood area or an avalanche area. But I don't think you can fault both sides for the same thing.

My personal feeling is that they just want to complain because it's different from when they were in their prime. So watch yourself. If you start complain about both sides of things, just because they are different than the way you like them or remember then, you gotta find a way to stop. Your complaints should remain pretty much consistent logically. Complaining can help purge things, I think, but only in a healthy, moderate dose. It's no way to live always looking at things negatively. Pointing out the positive side, or why some person might not be as stupid as they seem doesn't get you very far with my elderly relatives. Don't be the same way. Yeah, and I know. I should be the one to talk.

Oh and by the way, that's not all they complained about. The only thing they talked about was news and stuff, and why whatever was happening was some stupid person's fault. I think that they didn't mean it that way, but it's kind of what it turned into. It was the "back in my day, pigs could fly and were happy to jump in our ovens to be cooked and eaten" kind of thing. So we gotta live in the moment, in the now, in the 21st century, in...hehe...and not feel like the world is falling apart around us because things are being done a different way and people have different values than they used to.

You can have my soap box back now.

I had such a wonderful thing to tell you all, but now I can't remember what it is. I guess the "right, left, right, left..." it took to get here just knocked it clean out of my head. Well, then I guess it can't have been too importante. Sorry to waste your time.

Grrrr...Argh Is it so difficult people? Apparently so. If this is all I have to avoid to stay out of trouble as an "adult," I think I'm set.

Happy New Year.

Why oh why do I always go to MORNING New Year's Gongyo? I guess I don't want to be associated with the slackers at the afternoon session. And I always notice the the Bellinghamsters come for Morning. They're no slackers those ones; I'm glad to have been raised among them. I went with my brother who had to be there 1 1/2 early. And I noticed another Bellinghamster on Soka Group as well. I wonder what time he woke up this morning. I almost didn't make it myself and it takes twice the time for them to get there. Not that we're particularly close complared to some people, but yeah. Actually it was pretty full. When they asked everyone to move to the middle so they could seat the people in the back, I laughed, but there actually WERE people in the back.