Okay people, this is how it's working. I've got two blogs going. This one, and one for people who only care about my doings and not my inner thoughts (or people I don't especially want reading my inner thoughts). The long long narratives have been at the request of the other folk. I've been posting them on both sites, with maybe a little extra here sometimes. But I'm tired of that. Lately, I have been too tired to do the inner thought bit. So, if you want to read long narrative, go to http://greenorangegeek.blogspot.com. If not, stay tuned to this channel.

Okay, now channeling inner thoughts...

I am a trained monkey. We went to big SGI place today and they made us say our little practiced speaches. Then Okaasan told the people about Conny's dream to build Soka University of Europe. Oh, didn't know that's what she was going to do? Neither did she. When we walked into the back area, the people all clapped for us. It's insanity, and they just perpetuate it by spreading what great and wonderful people we are. Argh, it makes me insane. I am somewhat safe because I have been adimant about NOT having plans. But recently I have become the genius child because I started SUA at 17 and could do part of gongyo at about 5. So she tells everyone we meet this, and we can't refute it, because none of them speak English, and it would be WAY weird to contradict her in the middle of her session.

It's impossible to be angry with the people we meet, because seem soooo sincere about hoping and thinking that we will change the world. Of course, some of them just think about us as things to show off, but many are truly interested in us as people and want to discuss actually how we are going to change the world and all that. But I can be angry at the people who are spreading and encouraging this kind of behavior. I go back and forth between thinking that Okaasan just wants to be the bringer of all this good news and thinking that maybe she is just trying to give people hope. But then, what happens when Conny doesn't open SU-Europe? She KNOWS. We had a long and difficult conversation about what our dreams are. I'm thinking that SGI-Japan is a little messed up. Oh, and try convicing them that SUA doesn't exist as a conduit to help people work for the advancement of the SGI alone. I think they understand that not all the students are SGI, but I don't think they understand that we are going to go on and work for organizations other than the SGI.

Oh yes, and did I mention that I'm being slightly smothered by all the attention? I love it when Conny and I are out and exploring, but when we are with Okaasan and Otousan, they keep trying to lead us places. I want to look and go for myself. Okaasan kept taking my arm today, and I really did not want it taken! And you walk into a room after having ben absent from the group for three seconds and they ask you if you are all right. I know some of it is Japanese culture, but I think a little bit could be SGI culture.

The woman we met at the culture center today is a bug leader in Kanagawa. They said that she is so busy that she never had time to get married, even though she wanted to. All I could think about was how that is so wrong. I don't think that people should put so much of their lives into something that they can't even have a life of their own. If they want to that is. If someone is perfectly happy without a family or a life of some kind, whatever, but if a person wants a family, they should have a family. What is the point of an organization that celebrates everyday life when the people working for it can't even have one of their own?

Yeah...done, inner thoughts for the day.