Dear God,

Some people say mean things about the things I like, like scarves. Sometimes they say they're tacky, and sometimes they just laugh at me. I've tried to do the right thing and denounce them as my friends, but it doesn't seem to work. So I was wondering if you could help me out. I was wondering if you could do what you do best and smote them. I wouldn't ask for anything too fancy, or course. Maybe just a little smoting for each one. It would sure help me out a lot.

Thanks,

Jessica

Test...test. This is just a test to see if this thing is still on.

I'm just warming up the engine.

I'm alive, alive. Lost contact with the internet for a while there.

Update:
Back in the States
No culture shock to speak of
Fine with a fork
Stomach shrunk though...got only halfway through a hamburger at Red Robin
Still trying to find all the presents that I packed in random spaces
Found the earrings that I lost in Tokyo
Nothing to blog about now that I'm back where I belong

Ellie's going to do the Senior Scrapbook!!! So excited!!! Something for me to organize.

10 days...or so.

Am I changing? Or has it already been there. I haven't really become very close to anyone from the program or the school.

I'm so much quieter here than at home or at school, and not just because of the whole not speaking the language thing. I can ride in the car for an hour with just me and my host mom, and the only thing I'll say is to point out a car from Nagoya and comment that it must have been quite a drive. Sometimes I'd rather just sit. I'm not bothered to ride the subway with two Japanese guys and have them talking to each other in Japanese and me staring at the advertizements like normal. I kind of enjoy riding the bus or subway by myself for more than an hour.

But when I'm with Sammi and/or Allison, I talk just as much as normal. That is, I never shut up. Am I afraid of putting myself out there? And I satisfied with the people I already know and don't care to meet new people? If this is so, what happens after Soka, and we all move to our various homes around the world? I'll have to make new friends somewhere.

I feel like writing lately. I've had thoughts like, that would be a good book. But do I have time? Probably, I'm sure I'm just scared that it wouldn't be any good. Would it be just a story book? Would it have some deep meaning? In a hundred years, will anyone care? I feel like my thoughts and ideas are different from other peoples, and if I wrote a book, maybe I could explain them to myself. But I wouldn't want to invent feelings with which to write a book. So which comes first, the chicken or the egg?

So I've decided that even though I said that Japan doesn't have purple grass and a green sky(see first or second entry of alternate blog), there really is purple grass and a green sky, it's just disguised as green grass and blue sky. Confused? Visually there are some difference, but once you get used to that, it seems the same as wherever else, or at least it did to me. With all the things that matter, Japan is the same: everyone has five fingers on each hand, and they all like to have fun, and life is a daily thing for them too. But it's the little things that are different: everyone sits through all the credits at the movies, and they have horrible fashion sense, and they bow when they thank or meet people.

In some ways, all people are the same, well, at least all people that I've come in contact with. I think in all the important ways, that's how it is. All people are first and foremost people, and then they are whatever, whoever, wherever. And when I go to a new place, I'm disappointed that I can't immediately see and feel the difference to the core of my being. But the differences are different from what you think. They are smaller and sometimes you can't see them except for some random part of you that never tells the you who's YOU what it thinks. You just have to gradually come to know it. And at the same time to recognize it, you see your own culture or language more clearly. Trying to figure out why they do what they do, you have to understand why YOU do what you do.

If my experience here was exactly as I expected, I wouldn't have needed to come because I wouldn't have learned anything new. Fortunately, I don't quite remember what I expected because it all seemed like a big black hole. Maybe that's the best way, because then we don't have to be disappointed too much.

Hmmm, I'm supposing that some people are out there thinking, "wow, she is strange. Japan is completely different and there is no way it couldn't be." But the food, the houses, the external stuff that you can see is all easy to get used to. Maybe at the beginning it freaks you out to eat rice at every meal, but you can get used to it. I think the real cool crazy stuff is the stuff that you can't get used to, or you can't figure out why it's done. The stuff that just seems different but you can't explain why. Any of the physical stuff like food and clothes you can take anywhere and recreate, but you can't recreate Japan, and that's the interesting stuff.

I'm a cucumber, I'm a cucumber, I'm a cucumber, I'm a cucumber.

That's truly how I feel right now. That is, not really feeling...I guess.

The only emotions that I feel very strongly are the type that I don't necessarily want to be broadcasting. Cool as a cucumber.

I want to be supported by someone I divorced but still be dating someone else! What's with that?

Why can't I speak Japanese???

Why am I complaining so much? ...let's not get into that mess!

I'm still tired all the time! Darn it! What am I going to do when I get back to school and find that my 10 hours of sleep have diminished to, maybe, 6? (if I neglect homework and sleep early)

I have to say: Typing on a keyboard is really nice!!

Laptops!! Yea! So Eric didn't lie to me about something!

It is SOOOOO hot and humid right now. Actually, just humid. One of the (many and myriad) reasons I came to Sapporo is because everyone told me it's not humid up here. Not all the Sapporites tell me this is really uncommon...but I don't want to believe. The typhoon the other day, yeah, typhoon, helped for one day, but now it's back to really painful. Talk about stepping out the door and down the street and already being covered in sweat! Give me more typhoons!! Amy (girl from Saipan) says that she knew a typhoon was coming because of the humidity. Does that mean another one is coming?

Cheers for the 85-year-old rock-climbing enemy-of-Nixon Seattlite!! Only one we got. I remember doing a report on him...or his family...in middle or high school.

I discovered...well...Alison got it first, doesn't like it, and won't get it again...this great grapefruit drink. Now, it's funny, but I never ate grapefruit before coming to Japan. Now I eat it all the time...breakfast, in drinks... I wonder if I'll eat it when I get back? I always thought I didn't like grapefruit. But I'm pretty sure I won't be able to find the drink in the U.S. I can't even find it most places in Japan, only at the school store!

Someone is watching Charlie's Angels. I wanna watch a movie, but I never have time. I am stupid! When I have lots of free time, I want something to do, but when I have stuff to do, I whine about it. Just hit me! (one more time?) Brittany gets stuck in my head here, please help me!

When I'm teaching English, the kids think the stupid things I do are really funny. We were singing the ABCs and I started trying to make the letters with my body. When I say that the penguin is my favorite animal (you gotta have a favorite and least favorite everything with these people: penguins, spiders; sushi, onions; orange, brown) I walk like a penguin. Now...is this my personality coming out? or am I acting for the kids? Is there a difference?

I shouldn't be allowed to run the video camera...I make sound effects while I'm filming. I even hum. And it all gets caught on tape. It's not a good thing to be taping!

Yes, Monday. I was not in the mood for class today. I kept getting angry at the teacher for doing teacher things. Like I was annoyed that you couldn't use certain forms with certain adjectives. It's not like it's her fault, but I was still glaring at her and wanted to just stop doing the classwork. Hormones must be going a little wonky I guess.

There is absolutely nothing going on in my head. Sometimes during the day, I am all about cool things to blog, but I get here and nothing comes.

So far in Japanese literature class, the books have been good to interesting to okay, but the last one we have to read is just evil. I don't understand the purpose, and I don't even think it was written that well. His sentences are all short and choppy, and I swear sometimes they don't fit the whole subject-verb-object rule we got going. Yeah, I'm bitter.

Today they were handing out bibles in front of the student store. They are in Japanese and English. I got one, but then I was reading, and it's in oldish Japanese, like King James of course, and I don't think it will help me particularly to read old Japanese when I can't even read new Japanese yet...

What's going on?? I don't know, you tell me.

Everyone is all like, "oh no, only 4 weeks left. Woe is me!" But they have been saying it since it was 6 weeks left. So instead of enjoying the time, they are just lamenting the passing of the time. Why do you need to worry about how much time there is left? It's just silly if you ask me, and it just gets everyone depressed.

So, I think there should be a rule that you know when you are stressed out. I am having bags under my eyes all the time. Yesterday they were really bad, and I was scared everyone was looking at them. But I totally get enough sleep. I think I get at least 8 or 9 hours a night. So I must be stressed out I guess. It takes a little more energy to live in this country because of the having to pay excessive attention to everything in order to slightly understand it, but I don't think that it's as pronounced as all that! Anywho...

Looking forward to Tokyo! Not looking forward to the big test tomorrow. We finished the book and now we have to take the test. It's so unfair!! Looking for the peanut butter-like sesami candy that Sammi's mom gave her. Yummy! Haven't gone to karaoke in a while, I should go. Gotta figure out this whole getting paid thing. I hope the work permit thing that Satoh san is making me get doesn't make things crazy complicated! I should eat more vegetables, and not vegetables that are...ahhh, what is the word? soaked in vinegar...like pickles...tsukemono...anyway, more raw vegetables.

Yesterday while I was teaching, the kids really liked the socks I was wearing. Especially the boys. How weird is that? Though I do have to admit, they are kinda neat.

There are people watching Bring It On over there. I don't think I would be seen watching a movie like that in public. Though I did see it, so how did I see it?? Who can remember that far into the past.

There is a guy on the subway just about every single day who enters at the very front of the train and then walks back a couple of cars. This is in the morning when there are lots of people standing. Everyone, including me, gives him an annoyed look when he does this, but he continues to do it day-after-day. And he's not a foreigner either.

Five-day weekend starting tomorrow. Festivals and more festivals.

Dog had to be put to sleep. Why does it bother me so much? She wasn't even really my dog, I just lived with her sometimes. She was a really cute puppy though.

It's Friday night and...something.

I decided what I want to be when I grow up. I want to have a stupid tv show that I can invite dumb people onto the show and tell them random things and make them have stupid contests. Doesn't that sound like fun. I think so. There was one last night where that had these two chicks competing at a bunch of stuff like: using an abacus and playing pingpong and other stuff, but I forget, because I am trying to chat and type and blog all at the same time!!! Today they had all sorts of people wearing wedding veils and throwing bouquets onto a velcro surface. Talk about strangness!

I have been writing this blasted blog for at least two hours now. The train of thought is gone. I apologize.

It's all Ally's fault!! She made me go and ask the official people, and she knows I always tell everything, and I didn't know anything!! Stupid stupid. So maybe now I have to apply for some change in my visa and all that stupidity because of my stupid job!

I hope this thing doesn't fizz out on me.

Connected today with the local underground SGI. It's like a spy mission in a Christian university. Next we will all be wearing black and skulking about campus trying the shakabuku people. Won't that be fun?!?!

But I'm supposed to be converting while I'm here. I forgot.

Sooo, interesting weekend, went to the onsen with exchange students and a whole bunch of Japanese freshmen girls. I'm sure Ally will tell you all about it. Now I don't know what to say because Ally and I have been sitting here talking about it for the last hour.

Highlights:
*Ally is a bad girl.
*The word itadakimasu can be used in so many more ways than it is. For instance, while playing tennis or taking pictures.
*There needs to be something to do while drinking, not just drinking. nomi nagara...
*Freshmen are SO young!
*Always have the drinking party in someone else's room or you sill be stuck with no place to sleep and a mess in the morning.
*You should never say the words "sekushi pousu" (sexy pose) to teachers...but
*Teachers can play the game as well as students
*I miss Japanese people I can actually communicate with and want to communicate with!
*Sammi is strong woman for leaving the bathing suit behind.

Last Friday Ally and I bought shoes!! We both bought Converse. Mine are pink, and Ally made me buy sparkly laces. They, the shoes AND the laces, make me happy, even though the lases are too short and the shoes take way to long to put on, especially for Japan. I also bought this crazy, expensive thing, but I can't tell you what it is, just in case it ends up as a present. I don't know what I'm going to do with it yet.

So much is happening all over the world, except right here. All my fault. I think I'm going to go see a taiko perform next week or sometime. I wonder if I would be closer to the other exchange students if Sammi and Ally weren't here. Or would I be even more of a recluse than I am? My thoughts are turning more and more random, I wonder if that's a bad thing or a good thing. But then when it's time to think, I can't do it. Just sit back and let it flow.

Going to Nisseko this weekend. Ought to be interesting. I don't think all the exchange students have been in one location in a while. More slumber parties like when we first got here. That was fun, hopefully it will be fun again.

So, we had a big test today. Covering 6 chapters or so. After the speaking part, when we had to talk with the teacher, she asked me if I had studied a lot. I guess that means I did well...she kept making little comments during the test, but I just figured that's part of the whole "be supportive" thing. Anyway, so I didn't study that hard, I just understood the questions a lot better this time. I hope it's because I'm getting better, not because it was easy stuff. But then we were talking about how we are almost done with the book and what are we going to do when we finish it. I hope we can just have discussion classes or work on vocabulary or keep practicing what we know. There can't be all that much grammer left to learn anyway that we can't learn just by talking. I need to speak in Japanese more often.

I had a dream about moving back to campus for the last year. It wasn't sad or crazy or weird or antyhing, it was just normal. It was pretty real, except for a few details, like Cassie and Uyen aren't living together and stuff like that. So I'm worrying about my ability to "enjoy the now." I guess I'm not. Arrgghh

Ahh man, talking to people and remembering just makes things sad. DARN YOU SUA! What are we going to do after we graduate in 366 days. There's the number: the countdown has begun. Always forget that there will be homework and work involved next year. It should be just reminiscing and having fun.

On a positive note, I painted my nails all shiny and now I just want to look at them all day long. There is a newfound appreciation for nail...am I going to have to start taking care of them? That would cut some time out of my sleeping schedule.

Going to a Shakespeare play tonight, by a British troope. It will be in English of course, but I wonder if I will understand it.

Is it more fun gossiping about SUA in Japan than it was at school? Maybe just because gossip here means I really go care. VOV says gossip is bad, but I never did it to be mean, I just was to know what's going on, and I'm too shy to ask them myself.

Bloggy bloggy bloggy. Ah, just watched a StrongBad Email. What a happy thing. Sooo, with Sokites leaving the building and the Soka diaspora returning to the homeland, I'm feeling a little behind. I feel like we just started, but we've been going for more than a month. I haven't made any breakthroughs yet, I don't think. But I really want to, isn't that the point of this excursion? And I just heard that we have no Japanese classes for next year. Lovely.

Gonna get better, gonna get better.

I am not good with change! Have we noticed this? I have. So why go and make changes where NONE ARE NEEDED? Just adds more confusion to my life.

Went to see pretty flowers today. Pretty plum flowers. It kinda confuses me as to why they are plum trees, they don't put out plums...which I think is an integral part of the plum tree. So anywho, they are pretty, but not quite all the way bloomed yet. So maybe we'll go back next week. We went in the morning because it gets so crowded during peek hours. So maybe only a few people can go, but it will still be fun anyway.

I'm feeling a bit separated from the other abroaded studiers. I was feeling like we were all integrating pretty well, but lately I have been hanging out with only Sammi and Ally. I hope it doesn't continue like this, but they are the people I see the most, because we have 12 hours of Japanese class together every week... Not to mention that now a certain evil one is ignoring me now. Not that I want us to be friends, but is a casual hello too much to ask for? Apparently so for this one. Whatever, just as long as it doesn't become something annoying.

And I'm getting sick!! Sure taking it's sweet time though. I just want to get it over with!

Quickly quickly, must get home to dinner!

So I now have Ally hooked on blogging. She drags ME in here to blog with her. What do I have to say? I have no life, nothing to report. Except that, why do I have a job and no one else does? It's like the world has frozen over and hell has ended, or something like that.

There is a big test on Monday. So far, I have managed to sleep an extra three hours, waste two sending pictures to Alex so that he won't harrass my program coordinator anymore, and pretended to study for about five mintues. Ain't I good folks?? This test aughta be a breeze. Except for the speaking part. Who says you need to be able to speak a language to be able to speak a language?

So I got my classes, whoop-de-doo. Why was I freaking out for so long? Life is a sad. My life is measured by the amount of time I spend freaked out.

Announcing...The creation of a fantastic new resource for fun and entertainment, laughter and tears, and, most importantly, new fodder for the rumor mills.

www.allichan.blogspot.com

Or just visit my conveniently located link to the left of the screen.

Everyone's doing it, you should too.