Blog blog blog...

Yeah, haven't I been good lately? Yes I have!

"Ready to carve my pumpkin =)"

The haunted house is FINALLY meeting tonight. Hopefully I can have some more fun with that. Why am I not able to accept leadership? I hope it really is just that they are bad leaders, because, if it's not, it's ME. And we all know when that happens. Then I have to deal with my own trust issues and issues regarding power and powerlessness. And then it's all a big mess. And who wants that? NOBODY, that's who. And by nobody, I don't mean Odysseus, let's just get that straight right now.

I even already started my Japanese homework. I should probably start on my Japanese presentation. But it's about the future. If there's anything I don't know about, that's it. From reading the stuff Joyce gave me and taking the tests, I think it's not so much that I don't know what I want to do, it seems like its more that I don't want to be rejected. If I don't make a choice and don't apply to anything they really can't reject me. It's a PERFECT plan I tell you! All I need to do to make it work perfectly is find a really rich guy who either loves me unconditionally or is really really old and will die soon. Aren't these sad thoughts? Who is letting me think these things.

Okay...happy...happy...

I did well on my first Kehlen paper! He even told me it was a good paper. The problem is, how do I improve enough to get a good grade when I have less improvement to do than last year. But of course, there is always unlimited improvement, especially for him. I think my new strategy for writing papers is going to stay. It takes more revision, but my sentences are shorter and clearer. There's not time for the thought to get lost between the time I think it and when I figure out how to say it in an acadmic way.

There's not. There isn't. Is that the same meaning? Funny. Who thought up contractions anyway? Why do we have them for some words and not for others? And why can't we invent more off the top of our heads whenever we want to? I think there's some bias going on! And not towards me, which is always a good thing!

Wow, I sure am "Loquacia" tonight.

Okay, now is the complain time. I really must be a control freak because I am so disappointed that all the rooms are decided and I didn't have a say. And that the monster committee is doing the people. Maybe that's what interests me the most. But then, I think they are inextricably linked, so I want to have a say in it all. I guess I'm not actually in the club that it's for, so what am I complaining about? But I really wanted to be totally involved. Part of the fun is the crunch time, when you have to make decisions fast and sit around arguing all night long. And then, when all this was going on, I could feel myself distancing myself for it all. It was all explain what's going on real fast and then if you have input at exactly the right moment, you can throw it in. And yeah, it's totally not fair to be mad, or whatever I am, because they have been working so hard and all that. But I guess I understood that I would have more to do with it than I do.

And yeah, maybe I complain too much, but if I can't do it here, it's all gotta be in my head. And um...isn't that the purpose of this whole exercise? Yeah I'm overly critical of a lot of things, so what of it. You don't like it, stop reading.

Maybe if I go to bed, it will all be better in the morning. At least until the next meeting...FRIDAY.