Yesterday...what did I do yesterday? I found out that I am useless when if comes to soliciting quotes from people I don't know, though apparently I'm pretty good at it with people that I do know as evidenced by last year, not this year. I found out that I belong to a cult. All in a days work. I can't believe the organization down here, it's so "California." I don't think I can handle it, and then when I go back to Seattle, there are new people and it's a little different. So in a way, I don't belong in either place. Being an SUA student, especially first class, just makes it all the more difficult. But sometimes I like the recognition, but I still don't want to be treated differently because of it. Wait, sometimes I do, but only when I don't get it. Am I just making this problem for myself? Well duh, but... My practice is suffering sooo much, but I don't want to talk to any of the leaders down here about it. I don't know if I can talk to SGI leaders at all because I'm being so critical of the SGI and all they will tell me is that I don't understand or I'm deluding myself or something like that. Maybe not, but going to the leaders of the organization that you have problems with seems inherently silly to me. Unless I have specific suggestions I guess. When I talked to a couple people in Seattle, they seemed willing to listen, but I wasn't so willing to talk openly. I don't want to be a whiner and I want to have everything objective, not all from my own distorted lens. I know everything is from my distorted lens, but I want it to be as undistorted as possible, yeah right. Must be objective, and not get angry when people tell me I'm not being objective, but how do they know? I'm the only one that knows.