Do I really feel the things that I write about? Sometimes I think that when I start writing I get mellow-dramatic and what I finish with sounds a lot worse than it is. But then, that could be another escape mechanism, another way for me not to admit to myself what I am feeling. I must be at least partially feeling what I writing, I think. Or else where would I come up with the beginning? But I have written things that come out completely different than I intended. So which is the "real" me, the one that I intended or the one that came out? I would tend to think the one that came out and pushed aside the one I intended. The one I wanted to write was what I wanted to be, the way I wanted to feel. If that is so, I'm scared, 'cause I've had some that turned out really pessimistic. But part of me is the most optimistic person that I know. Even to the point of naivete in some situations. My problems are what I make them. Maybe writing for me just makes them worse. Maybe I shouldn't do it...........................?