Andy blogged to the virtual bookclub blog! What an excellent idea! I shall have to come up with something blog worthy.

In other news...

Biggest quandary of the moment: I've been behaving such that, if I can just ignore the aspects of my personality that I don't like, they will go away. I don't think it's working, it may be the latest and greatest part of my self delusion (I'm been working hard on being honest with myself). But if I give in, is it like being my own enabler?

Neil Gaiman (the author) has ruined Snow White for me forever! Stay away, stay very far away!!

"What does your heart tell you?"

My heart, upon consultation, told me thud-thud, thud-thud.

Respect for the Strippers

They work hard man! I was invited to go to stripper aerobics last night because, hey, I do bellydancing, so obviously I would be into stripping right? Anyhow, it was the hardest workout I've ever done. My arms are killing me! We did this pseudo pushup thing...crazy. This other girl was telling me she sprained her elbow doing them and had to go to the doctor and try to explain how she did it. Fortunately no injuries or explanations needed for me.

But I think I may actually go back. Some of the exercises targeted areas that I've been trying to get at without any luck. Though I may have given myself whiplash with all the hair flips. Plus, it's always good to have skills to fall back on right?

Ode to a Beautiful Monday

You lessen my mania
I miss you

Do I look like an elf? I was told tonight that I do...

Everything feels so futile and mediocre right now.

I always want to ask people's advice. But then it turns into me whining and coming up with every excuse I can think of why I shouldn't do something while the other person tells me I should. When I make my own decisions, I have to come up with my own reasons to make a change. It can't turn into me winning an argument instead of trying to make a choice, because there is only myself to argue with. It's much scarier because the outcome isn't predetermined.

I've so far stopped myself from asking for anyone's advice except one person. That person turned my crazy thought into a possibility, for which I'm both thankful and annoyed.

Not much time to think either. Should I just go for it? I don't know if I'm strong enough to fail. So far, my lack of motivation has shielded me from the knowledge that I am not the best at anything I choose. It's nice to think that I could do anything I want, if I could just be convinced to put in an ounce of effort.

Many people have gotten overdue or just plain obnoxious emails from me tonight. This is not how I envisioned this night going. Tonight is the first night volunteer tutoring at the library. But it's a new time slot, so none of the kids know that I'm here. Oh well, only 40 more minutes to go. And I did send out some truly overdue emails...

Bought a bike. Not THE bike, but I suppose it will do. It's pretty sweet actually, and I got a front AND a back basket. See what happens when the salesperson is nice to me? I just get frivolous. I bought a tire pump for goodness sake!

Once the frost leaves, I'm mobile!

I found my perfect bike! I'm going to look after work today.

I'm having trouble coming up with concrete goals for the new year. I've got all the normal ones (eating more vegetables is coming in at the top of my list) and am revamping my budget (again), but I can't seem to decide on deadlines for career or personal goals. This is probably because I've never been able to meet a concrete New Years resolution before; the vague "exercise more" goals are the easiest to pretend to I'm following through on. I think my decision making phobia is getting worse.

Note from the random file: last night I met a guy I went to middle school with in Bellingham. I didn't recognize him in person, but I recognized his picture when I went through my yearbooks.