And the best Christmas present of the year award goes to...

*Drum Roll*

Day-of-the-Week Underwear!!

*Uproarious applause*

Hmm, you can send yourself a time capsule email at futureme.org. Seems like something to do around New Years doesn't it. Just trying to figure out what I would like to tell myself.

Long post coming up:

So I have decided that I need to move out of my aunt's house. Problems include: I live in a very expensive town where housing is concerned (this is where all the people live who work in Bellevue, Redmond, i.e. homes of Microsoft and a million other IT companies), I don't particularly want a roommate, I'm kind of enjoying being able to save 80% of my paycheck.

I found an apartment downtown over some shops (hint: I desperately want to live over a shop), but it's a two-bedroom and would cost all of a two-week paycheck. But I'm thinking about it anyway. I can't imagine making any less money than I'm making now, so maybe I can just assume that I'll be making more soon. And I guess I can just go on having my dad pay for my car. When I got it, I didn't think about how I wouldn't be able to afford a car payment. Anyway, that is my current dilemma.

Item two: Along with being expensive, this town is the least multicultural town EVER! I had to go to the airport yesterday, so we stopped off at a mall that we wouldn't otherwise go to. I didn't realize that where I am now, there are no B/black (wait would black be capitalized? It seems weird to, but then Asian is capitalized...) people and very few Asian people. ...That's it. I realized that the only non-white person I see on a regular basis is Korina's best friend, who was adopted by a white lady. There's another non-religious reason to rejoin the SGI. Too bad there are no religious reasons.

Item three: When I take over the world, I'm going to have to do something about Christmas. I hate having to get something that I know a person won't like, or will only feel luke-warm about, just because it's Christmas. It's not really the thought that counts, except for the survival of our consumerist society. That just saddles people with things they don't want so that they don't ruin their friendships.

Item four: If the workweek was even one day longer, I would die. As it is, Friday is difficult. I haven't yet figured out how people go out for Friday night partying. But I have hope that soon I will be able to jumpstart some sort of sociality. Not the know-how, just the hope.

Oh my gosh, I'm so tired!

The FUNNIEST thing happened today. Have I told you all that I'm in charge of maintaining my companies accreditation? Which has fallen into some serious disrepair since the last time we were surveyed a year ago, and that even then, we weren't in such great shape? But anyway, I'm trying to get a whole bunch of different logs together that document the stuff we do, and I had been assuming that I would be taking care of tracking a bunch of it, like patient surveys and infection tracking and that sort of thing. But I was in a meeting with the bosses today, and the owner told me, "you're a checker, not a doer." So I'm not supposed to actually keep any of the logs, except the one that says all the other logs are running. Not that patient surveys takes more than 2 hours a MONTH at the outside. And infection tracking is just marking who was gone what day, MAYBE 5 minutes a week. Now is that the craziness of management or what?

I think when money is involved, you just feel more motivated. Or maybe, it's that I've realized that I have to make something of myself now that the gravy-train has left the station.

I saw my first episode of Arrested Development. I was hilarious in a really scary kind of way. I can see why the critics like it and also why it doesn't get very good ratings.

I had a really good day at work for some reason. I was totally energized at quitting time, like I could have gone on longer. I spent some time today working on the Christmas cards that we're going to be sending out. Not enough time that you could say that I just got to do fun stuff. I spent more than an hour typing up a new form that wasn't cooperating. I think it was hard because I was making tables in Excel and then moving them to Word. And I was wondering why people use Excel so much. I'm just predisposed to use Word, and some people are more comfortable with Excel. I think I may be by the time this is all over. Anyway, too much information!

Third day of my new regime and holding strong.

Anyone interested in Harvey Danger? You can download their whole new album for free on their website. I'm listening to it now. I think I may have to buy it. It's pretty different from their first one, which I also have. My brother went to one of their concerts, apparently the lead singer likes to wear a tophat. And if you don't know who they are, they are a Seattle band who had a famous song in a movie. "Paranoia, paranoia, everybody's coming to get me...Put me in the hospital for nerves and then they had to commit me, you told them all I was crazy, they cut off my legs, now I'm an amputee, God damn you." I like that song.

Congrats to Uyen who has been posting regularly! Though I have to say that I got an invitation to that get-together jiggi-bob, um, last Wednesday. If you're going to invite me, you might as well give me time to get there.

I've started a new exercise regime. Sitting at a desk all day long is not helping my fitness level. The idea of sitting at a desk for the rest of my life is not helping my mental fitness level. I've gotta find something unconventional to do!

My credit union savings account gets just under twice as much interest as my bank savings account. Guess where I'm going to put my money. And my credit union will send out checks every month for all my bills. I'm kinda getting into this financial stuff, keeping track of everything, and making sure that my credit will be good...when I start making it into the credit report databases.

I finally finished the Moo book. Now I don't feel like reading ever again. Are you asking yourself whether I'm a pod person yet?

Today I was telling Andy how 4 years in CA weakened me until now I have the climatic fortitude of a week-old chihuahua. Actually, I didn't use those exact words, but they are true none-the-less. The scariest thing I've had to face is drive home on a 2-lane highway with a depleted cell phone battery in the dark while it's snowing gigantic snowflakes. People started leaving work at 2:00 to make sure they got home okay, but I was like, eh, I'm fine...until 5:00 rolled around, then I started whining like a baby.

But here I am, I'm okay, just as long as I get that steering wheel warmer for Christmas.

I think I'm lonely. I'm always really tired at the end of the day, but I've noticed that if something excites me, I'm all awake, and then I sort of slump back into the fatigue. So how do I go about getting unlonely? I'm too tired to try.

I've got all this stuff I'm trying to do, but reference the above paragraph.

I've decided that I'm a lazy hypochondriac. I'm always worried that I'm dying and there is brain fluid leaking out of my ears, but I'm too lazy to have anyone check it out.

I got my hanten from Ann today. Can I have a witness to the fact that a week ago she said that she hadn't sent it and she didn't have any money to send it? So how is it here? Huh huh?

Anywhoo, back to the reason, you're here, ME! I'm sitting here, wearing my hanten, contemplating downloading a different screen saver because the one I have makes noise and annoys everyone. But I'm not going to do it because I'm lazy and I'm hungry.

One more thing. I've talked to my dad on the phone a couple times in the past week because we're working out some money issues. And it seems like he's actually interested in what's going on in my life. I know, it's weird. Just thought I'd report.

A dream made me think of this next thing. I can't remember what it was about, but I know it was weird because 1) it made me think of this next thing, and 2) I was on my deathbed.

So what is the physical difference between life and death? Death being the absence of life and therefore a form of life, so rephrasing the question, what is the physical definition of life? I mean, besides the whole, living things moving around bit, is there a difference? If we took a CAT-Scan of a live person and a recently deceased person, could we tell the difference?

And what is the special little spark thing that makes unlife into life, not death into life, it doesn't work that way. Why doesn't a dead thing come back to life? A fully-formed dead person would be a lot more capable of taking care of itself than a little embryo, so it seems that in the choose-the-easiest-path scheme of the world, a fetus would not be the way to go.

Life being what anyway?

Hey! You all can just take back your clouds! We have no more room for them. It's foggy 24 hours a day! I can't even see the stop lights while I'm driving to work. Not to mention that it's dark anytime I want to go anywhere. Remember me if I die somewhere on the road!

On yeah, and Satan is my motor.

I accidentally got to some of the first posts I ever made. Boy, I used to think a lot and write it down. Now, is it that I don't think anymore, or just that I don't write it down anymore?

Today I found a loophole that will save my company $500 a month.

All I want for Christmas is a heated steering wheel.

How the heck do people work every day for years and years and years? I've only been at it a couple of weeks, and I'm already primed for a break. At least Thanksgiving is coming. Now I am motivated to find a rich, or at least financially independent, guy to marry and force him to support me as I deserve to be supported.

I'm really slow.

I wrote my first business letter today. It got a "very good job." comment.

Hehe, fun!

How to make a Jessica Ann-Marie Webster

Ingredients: 1 part success 1 part arrogance 5 parts joy

Method: Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Add a little wisdom if desired!

Username:

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

Okay, this one's a little better.

How to make a Jessica

Ingredients: 3 parts mercy 5 parts ambition 3 parts joy

Method: Stir together in a glass tumbler with a salted rim. Add a little caring if desired!

Username:

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

Okay, that's the last time I follow a link to a blog I don't know.

How to make an amazon_of_fancy

Ingredients: 1 part mercy 5 parts arrogance 1 part ego

Method: Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Top it off with a sprinkle of lovability and enjoy!

Username:

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

Jagged Little Pill is totally the best CD ever. If I had to pick one CD to listen to for the rest of my life, it would be that one. All the anger and revenge gets to me, even when I'm totally devoid of emotion. Kinda makes me want to get hurt like that so I can take revenge, she makes it sound so sweet. Kinda sad huh?

Oh yeah, have I told anyone that my boss flicks the lights when it's time to leave? Like the teachers do in kindergarten classes to get everyone's attention. Every time he does it I want to rip his head off.

I started my Christmas stuff this weekend. It's all going to be hand-made. Spent $60 at the craft store yesterday, who said making your own presents is cheaper? I spent more than an hour picking out stuff, so you'd better all like it. Let's hope that after spending all that mula and time, I can actually follow through and not decide on Dec 24th that I don't like what I've done and decide not to send anything. At least I managed to start the process. Finished 7 card fronts and 1 presenty thingy. Crafts are fun, but stressful!!!

And before I leave you all, can I just give a shout-out to keyboards with properly sensitive keys! At my current work (hopefully my work for longer than two weeks) it takes me twice as long to type anything because the keys won't register the first time around. Not to mention that my wrist hurts after typing one sentence.

The company I just started with is trying to get accredited. Oi Vey.

I am a freak! I wanted a job that was more interesting and wouldn't be completely mindless, but then when I get it, I'm all freaked out about it and kind of annoyed that they'd just toss me all this responsibility. Just one more piece of evidence that points to the fact that I am afraid of change.

AND IF ONE MORE PERSON TELLS ME HOW YOUNG I LOOK, I'M GOING TO SCREAM AND YELL AND SHOUT AND STOMP MY FEET. That'll show 'em how old I am.

I got my first credit card in the mail today. Isn't that just fabulous.

The interview on Wednesday went really well. She kept saying how articulate I am and how I could do anything I wanted.

Unfortunately for her, I was offered a different job at an interview today. Now don't be all jealous and think that I can convince anyone I want to give me a job at the drop of a hat, they need people real bad.

Not sure what I'm going to be doing though. I think I'm supposed to just bounce around until I find something that fits.

My rug

So uhh, at 2:15 today, the boss told me not to come in anymore. How's that for advanced notice?

Devil of the day: Red Ford Trucks! Evil evil evil!

Today I saw a man jogging backwards...up a hill. Things like that make me want to be a writer, so then I'd be able to describe them vividly.

Happenings during my commute:

I heard the first song from the Elephant Love Song Medley, the one that starts, "Some people want to fill the world with silly love songs..." I never realized that I'd never heard it before. It's much better in Mulan Rouge.

Before that song, I'd been messing with the song system, trying to change it from the jazz setting it was on. In the process, I pushed a button..."RDX," "RXS," "RDS" ... something. Anyway, I still don't know what it does. I looked down duing the Silly Love Song...song, and it was changing from silly to love. I tried to keep an eye on it, but it's a little tricky while doing 65. When I saw it again, it said lobe... yeah. And then later it said on Jack. with the period. I was listening to Jack FM. I changed it during a commercial and it said, den. Later, Soundgar.

I was thinking, if I was stupid and wrote my memiors, I could call it, "Memoirs of a Girl you Don't Know, You've Never Heard of, and You Never Will," subtitled, "Unless Johnny Depp Comes to his Senses, Ditches the French Chick, and Marries Her."

Hehehe

How wonderful is this feeling of absolute freedom as I sit and read after work. There is nothing that I should be doing, beyond possibly a load of dishes. Yea for having a low-responsibility job!

So a woman at work today asked me about myself, and I got into the whole SUA, SGI, disgruntled Buddhist thing. Surprisingly, I enjoyed it. She said that everyone has a story. After the part about being a Buddhist at a Christian school, she said I could write a book. Made me feel really good. And it made me realize that I have had a very different life than many people, though not at all by my own choice. It's not like I could write a memoir or anything, but I'm revisiting the whole writing thing. I'm just so darn tired after work, makes me think I'm not cut out for the regular work hours.

I was also thinking on the way home that I have never made a decision in my life. The hardest one I've ever made was to be Humanities, and it's not like that was a major life-changing decision.

Yesterday I spent more than three days worth of money on new work clothes. Since I started Tuesday, that means I gained less than one full day's worth of money. And I'm already planning a trip next weekend for the stuff that I couldn't find yesterday. Good thing my rent is free and my dad's paying for the car!

Did you know Barbie and Ken broke-up?

Guess what's going on in my life right now. That's what you get to hear about. On with the discussion of the people I work with.

Okay, I swear that I have to be working with one of BCA Jason's siblings. Alli? You have to get on figuring out if he has a brother named Brian working at Old Republic Title in Lynnwood. Firstly, he has that weird accent that sounds kind of like he has hearing problems, but not quite. I didn't really make the connection at first, but today he did some totally Jason-like things. He and Greg were making Vivian and me do some horrible tedious work, but it was okay, because we got to bug them when things didn't quite add up. So anyway, I'm asking him a question because the file I was working with wasn't labeled, so he figures it out and writes it on the label and says "it's right there, how come you didn't see it!?!" EXACTLY like Jason would have done. It was eerie. From then on, whenever I heard him talking, I could see Jason in my mind. I'm telling you, it's freaky! I want to ask him some sort of sneaky question, like, "are you a Quaker?" Then I would know, because, come on, how many Quakers can there be who talk like that?

The low-down on the weirdest job situation ever:

So Monday afternoon I'm sitting around doing what I do best, reading, when the phone rings and I'm like "hello?" And I hear, "blah blah blah, CampusPoint, blah blah blah job starting tomorrow, are you interested?" And I'm like, "heck yeah!" And he's like "I'll send you directions, be there at 8." And I'm like, "cool, what was your name again?" And he's like, "Lincoln." And I'm trying really hard not to call him Abe. Actually, that last part was made up, but I would have liked that to have happened. Anyway, he says that it's a kind of a test thing, if I do well, they'll hire me permanently (By the way, CampusPoint is a job search service for recent grads)

So I look up the job listing, and it says that it's a two-week job ending August 5th. Guess why I didn't apply. So, I'm thinking...okay, whatever.

So I go (see rain comment). And it is a long way away (see time equation), but it's a long way to anywhere with jobs. I'm waiting for 45 minutes (I was 15 minutes early and the dude was 30 minutes late) and when the name I was told comes in, he foists me off, saying that he thought someone else would come get me. Okay, so how was I supposed to know that, not that he blamed me. But the dude who is supposed to teach me is not there yet. So Brian starts showing me around. Part-way through the tour, Greg (the teacher dude) comes and assumes that I've already been told everything I need to know.

So lalala. My "work friends," pretty much the only people I feel comfortable going up and talking to, are Greg, the guy who's leaving next week, and Vivian, the copyroom girl who's temp-time is up next week. Fun huh? Greg thinks that they'll probably extend Vivian. Greg, he kind of reminds me of a Chinese Pili. He kind of dresses like him, though don't all guys dress alike? Every once in a while, when I ask him a question, he uses a teacher tone with me, like "so what does 9000 mean?" And he's always telling me to remember to take my breaks. What is there to do on a break anyway? Besides being the only female under 30 that I've seen, Vivian is the Korean girl who studies scriptures during lulls and listens to the gospel station. I thought she was Japanese, but today I caught a glimpse of her half-Korean book. She remind me of Tomomi, and whenever I'm about to look at her, I expect her to look like Tomomi.

So everything's going pretty well, it took about 30 seconds to learn the filing system and the people smile and say hello. Except no one has told me how long I'm supposed to stay. The boss guy wanders around, and he told me that it's Casual Friday with free breakfast, but other than that, we just say hi to each other. One of the older guys asked me if this was my first job, yadda yadda, and maybe if I keep working temporary jobs, I'll figure out what I want to do with my future. Huh? If I was looking for clues as to my status, I wasn't going to get them there. Today he comes over and he says, "Those two guys over there (Brian and Greg) are leaving next week, maybe I should talk to Jack (the boss-guy) about you taking one of their jobs." I have no clue what they do! He says it's easy. Who knows, maybe the guy is insane.

And the freaking commute is never consistant. I left 15 minutes later than normal and was still 15 minutes early. And then I shaved off 15 minutes somewhere on the way home, I'm telling you, they're messing with my head. And did I say, it takes me an hour and sometimes 15 minutes to go 24 miles? That's how far the job is from my current living situation.

One more complaint, and then I'm done. Rain. You turn on your windshield wipers, and hey, great. 30 seconds later, you're wiping dry glass, but you turn them down, and you can't see anything.

9 hours at work + 1 hour at least each way + waking up an hour early to get ready + preparing lunch and wardrobe the night before = more than half the day spent on a job. + the time spent debilitated from the eye strain caused at work = I wanna go back to school.

At 6:30 in the morning it's really dark. And clouds up here are lazy, they have figured out the most efficient way to deposit rain on us: become fog and let us come to the rain. I couldn't figure out why I couldn't see, and then I turned on the windshield-wipers.

It says document specialist on the position. People who have strange hobbies (I really just don't know why they want them) ask for records of ownership (I think) from the past, and I have to get it for them. Post-1988, fine, fabulous, anything for you pal. Pre-1988, microfiche mania, hence the eye-strain. Free tip: don't try to read the articles when they are moving.

Bringing some perscription strength stuff tomorrow, though I didn't hurt too bad today until I started to drive home. If I can't cope by Friday, I'm going to have to call it a day.

Laugh no longer. I start tomorrow at 8.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGG
GGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Food that I can't live without: graham crackers, avocado

The best snack food: toasted cinnamon raisin bread with butter, baby carrots

When you're cold: hot water without tea, blow drying your hair

Two is the magic number (though it is the loneliest since the number one)

I always think things in my head (hey, good place for that, no?) and then I think, "hey, that'd be good to share on my blog," and then I get all ready to go, but it's gone (Hey Ellie, does that remind you of that birthday card again?). I think there's something about the illumination from the screen affecting my brain. It's either that, or I have pre-Alzheimer's like Bush, and I'd like to assume the first, thank you very much (ha, got the spelling on one, except for the ei. What good is that stupid rhyme?).

More on the lack of time definition. I was at the store today and this family came in, and I was thinking, "hey, shouldn't all those kids be in school?" Oh so sad.

Even sadder is that I'm stopping myself from buying things. Oh cruel cruel world!

Happy October. Dude, time is flying by. It's weird not to have anything by which to reflect the passing of time (can't end in a preposition now). For as long as forever, I've counted down the days until summer break, marked each year by my grade, just toiled through to some ending in the vague future that I never believed would ever arrive.

It disgusts me that I've forgotten so much French and Japanese. I've been close to fluent in both and now... At least school provides some incentive. Now the only incentive is food. Ha! food... not nearly as persuasive as grades.

You mean, people can read this thing??

Today I bought the unabridged diary of Sylvia Plath. Hopefully I won't identify too much.

So I kinda wanted to learn how to sketch. Unfortunately, I don't think I should be starting anything no career related.

Dude, remind me not to read everyone's blogs before I start my own. Now I'm trying to remember what the heck I was going to blog about...oh yeah.

I finally found my focus, the thing I will deprive myself of until I get my act together. Furniture. At least, I'll try to deprive myself. I wouldn't let myself buy a $50 table-type thing today, but I ended up getting a $10 Firkin/basket. Hey, I don't know what a Firkin/basket is either, but it's kinda cute, and it was marked down from $40. It's a wooden basket, but it was legs so it's like a stool, and it has a handle so you can carry it around like a purse. Hey, it was cheap. Did I mention that all the things I have to keep depriving myself of are from antique stores? I have a serious weakness for old things in different styles. Once I actually get money, it's going to be a struggle not to spend it all on old wooden things that cost thousands of dollars and are too big to fit anywhere. So that is my happy news.

Crazy news: I may have to avoid anyone in my extended family. I got a whole speech on how I should look for government work, maybe in the post office or at the prison, today. Federal pays better than County which pays better than State, just in case you were wondering. Can anyone think of a quicker way of dying than to get a government job?? I can't. Oh yeah, and the prison is fine, but you should avoid working in the Welfare Office apparently. Everyone is either on their way into or just getting out of prison...so, I just kinda spaced off at that point.

So now that the Big Move has fallen through, I have nothing to be working toward. I'm not saving up for any special future, there are no CDs that I'm dying to have. Now I have a sniffle that was an evil cold, and I'm using it as an excuse to not take the dog for a walk. What else will I use it to not do?

I got an email from SUA asking permission to use my Capstone as an example to show the current seniors. I wanted to say no, because, well, mine is boring and longwinded and I could probably write something better in my sleep (which brings up the question, well then, why didn't I?). But I figured that it's time to move on, and if viewing my horrible writing gives someone else the boost of confidence needed, then it's all to the good. I think my Capstone could have been something slightly interesting had we had the criteria that the news guys got.

So a) Blogger has decided that I am just not good enough to view it or to create a post, and b) I have suddenly developed an aversion to the internet. If I get on at all, it's just to check my email real quick and jump off. I think I'm afraid that I'll get sucked in and spend my life online.

News: I finally got a car. Okay, well, my dad got a car and I get to drive it. Hey, I picked it out and paid some of the down-payment, and some day I'll take over payments. So I'm figuring this will help me two-fold. 1) (thought I'd switch to numeration) now I have a way to get to some sort of vague future job-type place, and 2) I'll have to get a job so that I can pay for gas. The familia is still not putting a whole lot of pressure on me. You know, sometimes you just want some pressure, not understanding!

My brother got a girl for a roommate and my familia (the same as above, not the father-type) is all freaked out about it. The father who is not included in the above blanket statement is just glad that she's paying some rent. After he got back from New Zealand, he was hanging out here for a few days, but then she called and told him to come back. Hehe, and she's making him get a job. Which is interesting because, as far as I know, they're not sleeping together or anything like that.

I figured out that if I curl just the little chuck on not-quite-bang above my right eye, I can just fake the rest and it still looks okay. Hey, anything that makes my life easier is news.

I'm going to pay William to cut off my head. I'm dying of sinus pain anyway, so I figure this would benefit us both: quick and mostly painless for me and fun for him. Anyone wanna donate to the Jessica Euthanasia Fund? I figure it's going to cost a lot if he's going to go to jail for helping me out.

It's really sad to me that apparently none of us who have stayed in the country have much to blog about. At least, that's why I'm not particularly in the mood, and I'm projecting onto everyone else.

The rain announced itself loud a clear today. It's friend wind howled it's agreement. I think poor mister sun is hiding under a rock somewhere.

As Sammi once did for a friend lost to technology, I shall share with you all the happenings of our dear lost Ann, whom you may not have known was completely lost.

Upon arriving in Tokyo to begin her career as a JET, our illustrious heroine immediately and tragically come across a must-have pair of shoes. Known to sell her own soul for a part of brand-name, semi-cute shoes, our heroine does so. Instantly remorseful and filled with the dread assurance that she will never in her life wear the adequate foot-coverings, she sets about gathering the money to buy her soul back. Never once does it occur to her to take back the shoes.

Ann's first get-rich-quick scheme calls for her to sell small boxes of tissue on the city streets, having direct knowledge that all Japanese people depend on such extravagance. Unfortunately for her, she has forgotten that others, many others, will give small packages of tissues for free. Which is slightly ironic because where do you think she got her stock in the first place? After killing, maiming, or otherwise disposing of 759 of the free tissue-giving cads, she must admit to herself that there are just too many of them and she will have to come up with another brilliant plan.

By this time, the evil-hearted JETs have given our poor helpless Ann up for lost and moved on. Yes, the JETs moved on, all except for one hardy soul with an interest in Ann's safety...

Moving quickly on from her tissue fiasco, Ann next opens a school for young Japanese children to learn Japanese. She figures that her small stature will help ingraciate her with the young ones, enabling her to teach better than other, possibly better qualified, but un-Soka educated teachers. Again, our slightly slow friend has out-smarted herself. While there may be much demand for those with fluent Japanese, she has forgotten that, as the country of the languages birth, most children are spoken to in Japanese from their birth. Also confounding her logic, having spent too long abroad, Ann has forgotten that many people in the land of her ancestors are as small in stature as she is, indeed, some even smaller. These smaller people, according to reasoning stated above, must be even better than our Ann at relating to the children in question. Immediately realizing the folly in attempting to assassinate every single teacher, Ann gives up her dream of teaching Japanese to the Japanese children. And she forgot that children scare her.

At this time, having failed to locate Ann or even confirm that she still lives, even stalwart Allison is forced to admit that Ann is lost to all. However, if any of her family ever found out that a JET had gone missing, they would surely force her to return home to teach the undisciplined and barbarian children of her land of birth. Unwilling and slightly nauseous at the thought, Allison concocts a plan to fool everyone into believing that Ann had a slight computer glitch and is even now settling in at her new job. Hacking in to Ann's blogger account proves easy enough, after all, the password proves to be a truth that all know, jessicasthequeen. After leaving a trail of Ann like messages, she must convince the others that they should expect to word for a while. After all, she can't be expected to continually update both their blogs. Easy enough, there are forever festivals and conferences that she must attend, why not Ann? And so Ann's true friends, the only ones who can rescue her from her shopping-induced danger, and made complaisant about her lack of news.

Meanwhile, having no more ideas about how to make a quick buck and regain possession of her soul, Ann enters a prostitution ring.

Tune in tomorrow, or next week, or whenever I feel like continuing the tale of drama and intrigue, and maybe I'll throw in some true love and a few yakuza.

Why am I forever dreading Mondays??? Oh yeah, I remember.

Okay, the Middle East branch of the family is gone. And with them goes a good chunk of my excuse for not having a job. And it's already the middle of August. Oh well, I was thinking I may become a superhero, or a schoolbus driver. I saw Sky High today, and I think that would be pretty cool. Just have to find some toxic waste to dump myself in.

Ha, I already saw the marching penguin's Hollywood debut. It was pretty cute, but no Winged Migration. Though I do have to say, watching what the poor fluffies go through to procreate, I will NOT be one in my next life. And having to trust the men and all.

Why does Andy's little brother look like a cross between Andy and Koji? Maybe it's just the picture, but I swear he looks like Koji's little brother What's-his-name.

Anyway, now about ME!! The real reason you're here! Hahahaha. Okay I'll make my evil side quiet down now.

We took a family girl trip to Winthrop, a little tourist trap/town in northern central WA. It's just slightly on the east side of the mountains, still west enough to be really pretty. (A look how Bellingham is on the little map! Isn't that just wonderful!!) We stayed in a cabin by the river, but of course we only went to the river for about ten minutes and spent more time playing with the sprinkler than with the river, though two people did manage to fall in within that short period of time. They have a bunch of artsy shops with a lot of hand-made stuff so over priced only the rich and crazy can buy anything. I bought two things.

It's supposed to take four hours to get there. I think it took us eight both ways. There was so much construction we were about to murder people. On the way there, it wasn't so bad, the eight hours were from stopping and looking at the prettiness, but on the way back we were stopped by a flagger for almost an hour. AND most of us had to go to the bathroom at the time. Talk about torture. You could see everyone getting all fidgety in their cars. But the funny part is, some of our largest laughing attacks happened while waiting. At one, my aunt took the keys out of the ignition while we waited, and then when it was time to go, she couldn't find the keys. I thought we were going to be killed by the cars behind us, but she found them in time.

So the point of this rampage is really to relate that we found a campsite remarkable like the places we went in the Redwoods. It was really nice and treeful by a creek. The only difference was that the fallen trees in the Redwoods were slightly bigger and more ubiquitous, but...eh. So Washington really is the coolest state ever and no one can convince me otherwise. Oh yeah, at there's this cute little supposedly rabbit-like creature that lives in the mountains called a pika. So beat that!

I've spent the last handful of days house-, horse-, and dog-sitting, and I have decided a few things. Firstly, dogs are evil and the bane of my existence. I did not get one full-night of sleep the whole time because first the stupid fluffy dog wouldn't sleep upstairs without his owners and then he wanted to go out at 1 in the morning. Then he wouldn't come back in. I was worried because they specified that he sleeps inside and upstairs, and he's an old dog, so I would get up every once in a while and see if he wanted in again. Which he never did. Then he wanted breakfast at 6 in the morning, and so did the horses. Fortunately, I wasn't in charge of feeding the horses breakfast and could lay around in bed until *gasp* 6:30 before I went out and helped with the watering and cleaning.

Secondly, no matter that they wake up too early, I'm all for having horses as pets. It's the best of the dog and cat worlds. They're pretty friendly when they get to know you, but not overly annoying and clingy like the previously mentioned bane. And they're so cute!! I don't want to ride them, just keep them around. We were taking care of six horses and I got to know about four of them pretty well. There's this one old one who I was having a little friendly fight with. He gets special food that the others like, so we had to isolate him, and then he didn't want to go back. We didn't put any halter or bridle on them for breakfast, whatever those things are. So I'd push and push and push, and he'd just look and me and wander off like I wasn't putting my whole weight on him. And he let me pet his ears, which the other ones don't like at all. Once he got in a fight with one of the dogs because he wanted to eat her food, or at least knock it over.

Korina was telling me about their little hierarchy too. They all respect Danny, the old one, because he's old, and let him have the first pick of the food. And then next is a girl-horse named Bella. When the others try to mess with her, Korina says she grrrrs at them. I haven't heard the literal growling, but it's certainly apparent when someone's not pleased with someone else. The big ones are kept mostly separate from the rest, but even they respect the little old pony Danny.

Once I read a story with this old lady who had a pony who was like her dog and would come in the house and everything. Maybe that'd be a bit messy, but I wonder if I could train one. It's all about the cute horses now, who needs a dog or cat for a pet!

I hate it when I'm whiny, which is all the time, but here I go again.

I need to get a job, so I can get my own place, so I can get out of this crazy zoo!! But there are too many people and too little cars, especially that I can drive, so for the moment, I can't get a job and don't have anywhere to go, so I'm stuck in the zoo!! There is no way I'm ever going to become a housewife because I would kill everyone in sight. Half the time, I'm afraid I'll do it anyway, or at least scream at everyone whose annoying little habits are driving me insane.

My cousin from the UAE, Remzey, is in the country now and staying here. He's starting college in a couple weeks and still acts like a 10-year-old. Good thing he's got his own dorm room. Anyway, he won't keep his hands off Ben, the 11-year-old, and they yell and scream into the night. If I have two boy-children, one of them is going into the dumpster. Anyway, point. He's got one of those voices that doesn't know how to get lower than a bellow, and it's another one of those things that's driving me crazy. I really hope that's not how I sound, you know, when you tell me that I have a loud voice, 'cause I don't sound like that to me, but I imagine he doesn't sound like that to himself either.

I'm considering a career in hermitism. My favorite time is when I'm alone, there are no ambient noises, and I'm reading a book. Yesterday a friend came over unannounced and invited me to go swimming on the beautiful day. I said no. There were some other reasons, but mostly I was just happy with my book. I didn't even think about those other reasons until after I said no. I must be making some progress because, unlike at SUA, certain of my bodily functions have begun to regulate themselves, which is a positive for any future children that I could possible have.

Goodbye to the Japanese.

I hung out with a friend of mine from high school the other day. It was slightly depressing. We had a lot of fun together, but I hadn't seen her in a long time and we have nothing in common any more. Each of us spent the whole time trying to talk about ourselves because we had no other topic. The only thing we could find to talk about at any length was Japan. She's doing JET too, and I could give her a little advice from my time there. Overall I don't really see why we need to see each other. I care about what happens to her, but I think email can cover it if all we're going to do is talk about ourselves.

While we were together, I found myself hoping that the same kind of thing doesn't happen to my SUA friends. I'm not the best at keeping in touch anyway, but if we let things go too long, all we'll do is get together for lunch once in a while and try to talk over the other as we babble on about ourselves. That's one of the reasons I wanted to do the bookclub, so that we could have something in common at least. And if we keep up with the blogs, we can bypass the everyday-newsy part of any get together and go straight to some meat.

I worried that I'm becoming slightly passive.

Okay...interviewed on Wednesday, 45 minutes to get there, kinda far, but it's got a pretty view of the Sound and the cutest little coffee shop by it. I haven't heard back yet...I don't know what to think. It's a brand new place and I got interviewed by all three people who were there, not including the lady I interviewed with on the phone.

But now I hear there may be plans of me going to the U.A.E. in the spring, and my aunt says that maybe I could get a job at one of the hotels because there's crazy construction going on (they're building more than one artificial island) and it's going to be a new tourist hot spot. So I'm thinking if that is the case, maybe I should just do the temp agency thing that I conveniently forgot about during my last round of applications... None of the other peeps called or anything. I guess I'll figure it out when I find out about the Mukilteo job...

Speaking of the aunt. The U.A.E. one got here on Friday, and when she comes, she gives presents. So, among other things, I can now count myself among the MUMU-owning people! Crazy huh? She was going to give it to someone else, but it's all pretty and bright-colored!! So now I have to figure out how and when to where one...

So the lady from the phone interview called back to schedule an in-person interview. But she called at a quarter to 9, so my brother picked up my phone. I called her back and we set it up for tomorrow. If I get the job, I'll have to take some major backroad-age, so my aunt is coming with me and we're giving ourselves an hour and a half to get there. Hopefully it will only take 45 minutes to get there...I can always hope.

What kind of job? People have been asking, so I'll just write it here. The one I have an interview for is at a skin care place where I would be an underling to do a bunch of people's bidding. The other two were similar without quite as much on the job description. And I don't know what kind of companies those were. Anywho, I didn't want to get stuck in the assistant thing, 'cause who knows when I could get out of it, but it's the type of job I feel most comfortable applying for and carrying out.

So we'll see what happens. I'm going to look a little more, and maybe apply to a couple more, but if these people offer me the job and no one else has even contacted me, I'll take it, unless I can't stand the people or something.

The "Official Monday" started at 7:00 this morning, about 3 hours earlier than usual. I set the alarm for 7:30, but when I came downstairs after two snooze sessions and a shower and discovered that it was only 7:50, I did some investigating. Turns out, the alarm clock is 30 minutes fast. Must remember to rectify this, or else never set the alarm again.

So anyway, I got back from breakfast at noon...yeah yeah yeah, taking my grandparents to breakfast takes a long long time. Then I had to read outside for awhile because the maids were still cleaning. THEN, I got to Official Monday business...and people practically attacked me on MSN. Long story short, I sent my resume to three places today, and about an hour later I got a call from one of them! Isn't there some kind of grace period for that kind of thing. I had to close my computer and hope they wouldn't record my email when they looked at my resume and laughed at the thought that I might think I could get a job. Money is so...crude. Alli knows what I'm talking about. This is in the same category as asking for my money when they forgot to pay me in Japan. Asking for a job is only slightly less painful than asking for money, because it is asking for money, but in a more polite way. But of course, the first thing the lady asks me is what kind of salary I'm expecting. Yeah, that's how it works, but it seems so...uncouth to me. Maybe I should start my own thesaurus service.

Phone interview went okay except for the unpreparedness I suppose. Korina said it was funny to watch me as I looked for the right word. Sounds like there's a good chance I'll get an in-person interview. But now I'm panicking. What if I get that job? Do I want it? What if I don't accept it and then no one else calls. Sounds like an okay job, lots of stuff to do and all, but still. Oh panic panic.

And I'm not sure about the commute time between Mukilteo and Kirkland. I know Monroe to Mukilteo won't be fun.

Breath. It wouldn't be forever anyway. And I don't have to accept it even if by some miracle they decide they want to hire a 16-year-old look-alike.

Oh yeah, and Uyen, do you want to join our bookclub? I don't have your email.

I am in rapid prep for the coming of the Monday. Figured out a snappy organizational technique for the resume and everything. And I'm learning how to apply make-up, so I don't look like a 16-year-old, thus ruining any chance of a nice person hiring me at some future and hypothetical interview.

Today I figured out what city I'm moving to when I move out. Kirkland. Yes, that is the home of Ray from 06. Today we when to the Original Pancake House in Kirkland (one of only two in Washington) and it has the cutest little downtown that I never noticed before. We got totally turned around and had to ask for directions and everything, which I think is the mark of a good traditional and little downtown. It's funny because we drive through Kirkland sometimes to avoid traffic on 405, but I've never noticed its coolness before. The next little town over, Juanita, has the coolest apartments above a little grouping of shops. I've always wanted to live over a shop. So, if the Kirkland thing doesn't work out, I'll move there, though the town of Juanita is not nearly as interesting as Kirkland.

So now that that's settled, let's see about a carreer!!

Oh yeah, and Sammi, it would be AN official Monday. And you'll have to look in the archives for the post regarding the longest weekend ever.

Yesterday was my dad's 50th birthday. I suppose I should get him a present.

I think I will declare this coming Monday as my official Monday and everything that comes with it. Good luck to me.

Siobhan sent me a bunch of random pictures of me. This is by far the coolest one. I guess I should email her back to thank her. Oh the energy it takes!! And hurrah for the picture uploading. I hope it works better than than dumb Picasa did!

I bought $100 chair yesterday. Lime green sure is in lately.

I need a job.

I added 2500 miles to the rental in 4 days...and I barely drove for two of those days.

So we only made it 100 miles or so north of L.A. before we had to sleep, but I made us wake up way early and we rolled into Portland before 8:00pm! Just in time to be fed dinner by the Ellie's Mom Style Parental Unit. So I left and made it home by midnight. No accidents or nothing, just some quickly aborted attempts at rain.

Number of copper statues along the I-5 corridor: 3. Three spiky tower things in southern Washington, a dragon in northern CA, and a bull in slightly more southern CA.

States with evil drivers: Idaho, Illinois

State with considerate drivers: Nevada

Interesting sight: a Corvette pulling one of those tent trailer things. When you come up behind, it looks like it's driving itself. We passed in somewhere in NorCal, and then I passed it again in SoWash.

Random thought for you: wouldn't it be cool if I was really a new species of person! Maybe my innards are all different from normal humans and I am the beginning of the next generation of people. Oooo, maybe a balanced meal for the new people is a fast food meal!! Then I remembered that although I've never had a full body scan proving that I'm regular, I have had my appendix out, and I think they might have noticed something amiss at that point.

Tomorrow I will drive 1,000 miles. Goody. Renting a car costs lots of money!

School's over, and we can't get the good stuff back. But the evilness can follow us still. I went to a fiftieth birthday party yesterday. I was thinking, wow, all of her birthdays lined up in a row would be nigh on two months straight!

Oh motivation, where art thou (notice that I didn't write "wherefore art thou" because that would mean "why are you Romeo." I suppose then my question should really be "wherefore art thou not motivated." Hey, at least I remember something from Shakespeare class.

Sweet vindication!!!! The doctor guy on the tv told a pregnant woman that she had a parasite!! Take that you foul detractors!

This is the longest weekend of my life!!! And I don't mean the last two days. Every time I say that I'll do something, I mean that I'll do it on Monday, but there is no Monday. With no obligations, no job, there is nothing to anchor the week, so I feel like it's Groundhog's Day. Except it's a Saturday instead of a silly holiday, so I can't even kidnap a rodent and drive into a gravel pit in a crazy attempt to end the madness. (Morbid tidbit, my mom wanted to kill herself by driving into a gravel pit, but she couldn't find one. I think there was one right off the highway, but she wasn't in her right mind you know. Morbid question, how do I know this?)

Things I have accomplished...
Had a job interview today, decided I can't deal with a stupid nothing job, gonna keep looking.
Made an appointment to get a tattoo on Thursday, Squishy from Nemo.
My nails have been a different color every day this week.
My hair has washout highlights, first time I've colored it in any way, ever.
It's STRAWBERRY season in Washington!! (okay I didn't accomplish that, but it's still pretty cool)

I eat out at least once a day now, if not more. It's reeking havoc on my attempt to eat balancedly. Oh yeah, and I gotta find a car for California!!!!!!!! Evilness lurks.

Surprise surprise, nothing new to report. I have spent the last two day watching hours and hours of television programs on DVD. I have completed the first seasons of Charmed and Wonderfalls. If you're looking for a new show, I would say a big N-O to Charmed, but Wonderfalls is cute. Too bad I didn't discover it until after it was cancelled. It's about this funky girl who gets ordered around by inanimate animal heads. They get her into trouble and she often doesn't understand what their cryptic instructions mean, but it always turns out in the end.

Okay, I'm way scared that I just wrote a paragraph about a t.v. show...

To Ann: I'm ashamed of you for forgetting your nickname on my site. And I think 253-332-4961 is the number you're looking for. And you can't comment on my blog because I messed with the skin all those many moons ago. Mean to fix it, but I'm scared of losing my links and stuffs.

Today was a good day, though not exactly one to help the future.

One of the happitizing items is the return of my cell phone. I am now available to the world. Same number.

I picked up an application for Ben Franklin today. I was thinking that I wanted to jump straight into a career-type job...but I guess it would be cool to have a mindless job until I can find something really cool.

No word on the UAE thing yet. Gotta talk to the father to see if he would fund such a trip...but first things first, he can only handle one thing at a time...if he can even handle the one.

Got some leads on the salsa thing. Seattle is not completely devoid of Cuban salsa as I had feared.

Posting posting...

Today was supposed to be the big push that started me off in the right direction...yeah. I woke up at 7:00, went to breakfast with my grandparents at 8:00, picked up a bunch of people and celebrated a friend's birthday for lunch, did some errands and then took a nap. Then we went back out, went back to my grandparents went to the grocery store, ate dinner, and then watched tv for a couple hours.

I tell you. Whoever says that this is not a different time zone was crazy. I went from going to bed at midnight at the very earliest and waking up at 10 or so, to going to bed at 11 at the very latest and waking up between 7 and 9. My body is not used to this and it's definitely taking some time to adjust.

On the plus side, my resume is slightly more developed and I have spent about 5 minutes looking for jobs online. My dad gave me some names...you know, it's possible it could help...maybe. I guess he's just worried about me finding a job. Who knows, I never talk to the man.

Oh yeah, and sorry if I'm boring you with all the inane details of my totally boring life right now. If you hadn't noticed, I spend a lot of time with my family up here. If you're tired of the whole thing, I'd check back in in a few weeks, hopefully I'll have something interesting to report then.

I can feel the rut beginning to etch its way into my soul. I noticed that I'm not as interested in reading the news obsessively now that it's not a form of procrastination. Tomorrow I will be as productive as I can and hope its not too late.

Today I went to lunch with my grandparents at the stupid, totally low-class "restaurant" they go to every Friday. He says he likes the waitresses and that they like him. All he is to them is a tip, and not a fabulous one at that. They live by their regulars.

My grandfather introduced me to Tiffany, forgetting, like he does every time I come home, that I've met her a million times and not realizing that I couldn't care less about her. This time he got to include the little gem about the recent graduation that we're all aware of.

She says, "Congratulations, you must have a lot of patience. After I graduated from high school I just couldn't wait to get a job and move out of the house. And, no offense or anything, but I get paid as much or more than you're going to. People ask me when I'm going to get a real job, but I tell them that I make more money working here than they do working with computers or whatever."

Oh, by the way, this is the girl that spent the entire time complaining how she can't eat anything because she got some wisdom teeth pulled. Not because the teeth are sore, mind you, they're mostly healed. But she has spent so much time compensating with the front part of her jaw that it's tired now too. And she needs to go back for more cleaning, but she doesn't have the money upfront, so she has to wait for a few more months. See, she doesn't have health insurance. But still college is a waste of time and she has no need for a career or anything.

I wanted to say something snooty about how college is about betting yourself and not just about how much money you get paid. But I realized, there's no point. And I realized, even if I do only get paid the same amount as that annoying girl, at least I know something about something, when all she seems to do all day is suck up to people so they'll give her a nice tip so she can get her teeth cleaned.

Day 2: Today I...

*was unable to sleep past 6:30 because I went to sleep at 11 last night
*ate an unhealthy breakfast out with my aunt and great-aunt
*visited my other great-aunt and talked about how I don't know what I'm doing
*went antiquing and found lots of things I can't buy because I have no house and no money
*ate really good strawberry-rhubarb pie with ice cream
*tried to get a new, working cell phone but had to wait until Tuesday when my dad pays the bill
*visited my grandparents and talked about how I don't know what I'm doing
*seriously considered the possibilities of going to the UAE for a while
*made the goal to fix up my resume as soon as possible
*am thinking about changing my blog skin to one with titles

Anyone wanna hear something kinda depressing?

Last night when the plane started to take off, it hit me even more. As we were going down the runway, one of the worst times for me anyway, I was thinking, maybe the plane will crash and I'll die. I can't see what going to happen from now anyway, maybe I've fulfulled my mission in life. That would certainly make me feel a lot better. I was slightly disappointed when we got up all right.

When we got above the clouds, there was a second sunset. It was pretty cool, but instead of making me feel inspired, it made me more depressed. I think I feel like a failure because I wasn't able to come up with a masterplan for my life and how I am going to contribute to saving the world.

My aunt tried to convince me to spend some time in the Middle East before finding a permanent job here. It's starting to sound pretty good, and the arguments I had against it don't seem to be standing up so well. Don't be surprised if I end up in the UAE for 6 months or so.

If my posts had titles, this one would be: My First Blog as a Graduate/Alumnus/Alumness

And if it had an emotion indicator, it would be about a 57. I haven't worked out the imaginary scales yet.

I'm going to pack now and see if everything will fit.

My dad forgot the cello. We're going to have to come back for it.

How about a blog since I can't sleep.

Uhh, I can't sleep. Been awake since 5:00am, translating into about 4 hours of sleep. Still have the chance for a couple more hours if I can manage to fall asleep again.

I'm really disturbed by the fact that my dad's friend Delle is here. Firstly, my dad never told me and I'm wondering if he'll be able to get into the ceremony (and hoping that he can't?). It's only luck, recalcitrance, and the fact that I thought my dad might do something like this that I didn't give the ticket away. I've warned Ann and Uyen to not let anything he says reflect on me. If you're out there and you think you may be in danger, by all means, be warned. Hopefully they'll avoid him, that's what I plan on doing.

Since I've been lying awake, I've been having daydreams about telling him off and not allowing him to come today or tomorrow. If he's annoying or obnoxious, I think I may actually forbid him to come, or a least cut him off really shortly. This is my thing right? I can invite anyone I want, and I didn't even invite him. I would understand why he's here if we had borrowed his truck, but we didn't.

Oh yeah, did I tell you? There's no truck, only a minivan. I am very annoyed, and if it all doesn't fit, he's just going to have to rent a U-Haul. Why do I have to be annoyed at my own graduation?

Can you tell what's on my mind? See you tomorrow, maybe for the last time for a while.

Tomorrow I take my computer in to be mind-wiped. If I never return, you know where to look for me.

The first day of Capstone-freedom... ...

I'm gonna have a store and be really strict. All the worker-people are going to always be polite and keep everything organized...or they're fired. I hate it when the stores are all disorganized. And when the worker-people are disinterested or rude or just odd-seeming.

I like to whistle in the stairwell.

Thought during Capstone:

Can you get addicted to water? And do they have clinics for that kind of thing?

Career Goal:

To be a three-way cross between Jorge Luis Borges, Sei Shonagon, and Chuang Tsu.

138 footnotes.

Hehe, so my favorite book topic so far is When I Rule the World...

Shhh, be very very quiet. Sammi's reading my Capstone, and I don't want you to distract her!

Why are Scrapbook, International Festival, and Capstone all coming to a head at the same time? I thought I was being so good in limiting my activities this year.

Happy last day of April...not.

I am officially not crazy worried about Capstone anymore. Yeah, I still have to keep working, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Now, my anxiety attacks are about life after graduation. That's right. I was looking around my room today, and I realized that we would never be here again. The minute we step off campus, we're alumni and it's not about us anymore.

I really hope I'm not homeless.

I'm not allowed to throw away banana peels in the room anymore. It's a long walk downstairs, let me tell you.

I can't blog using Explorer anymore either. If just doesn't work. Good thing Sammi randomly downloaded Foxfire one day when I told her not to.

I want my last name to be Hoogenboom. That'd be way cool.

I want to go outside so much, but what would I do once I got out there? Probably the same thing I'm doing in here: nothing.

I guess it's time to try to be productive in some way. Oh yeah, I'll download the latest MSN Messenger. I've been meaning to do that. It's not productive particularly, but it means that I can not look at the computer screen for about 30 seconds, which is a plus.

It's 3:00 in the West.

Oh no! I'm about to write song lyrics. Look out!!

"Shout, shout, let it all out!"

I'm trying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't decide which is better silence or music.

And soon I may have to shut the blinds.

I can't even bring myself to unplug the internet.

It's okay, today is about assessment.

It will all be okay.

It will all be okay.

Maybe I'll look up publishing internships or copy editor stuff.

It will all be okay.

How many times to I have to say it before it will be true?

It will all be okay.

IT. WILL. ALL. BE. OKAY.

What's wrong with the world when a state senate says that to say "hey you, you can't kick that person out of their house for being gay!" would be detrimental to society or just isn't necessary? Oh let me count the ways. One one thousand...two one thousand...three one thousand...

Just the sort of pick-me-up I needed to start of my day off right! ...

Is it bad that the only times I've had feelings of accomplishment lately are when I've finished a bunch of scrapbook pages?

I am a wreck!

I read in an article that some people think that humans are genetically predisposed to monogamy because of emotions like jealousy. I don't think they meant it as any special comment on human beings, but it translated in my mind to: our foremost emotion is jealousy. And now I'm kinda obsessed with the idea. It keeps coming up in my thoughts. When I start tracking my thoughts, the first thing that comes up is jealousy. And in thinking about it, I've discovered that I am an extraordinarily jealous person.

I'm jealous of people's success
I'm jealous of people's time
I'm jealous of people's happiness and laughter
I'm jealous of people who seem to be okay with themselves
I'm jealous of people's health, mental and physical
I'm jealous of people's peace
I'm jealous of people who have people to understand them
I'm jealous of people who are open

But the whole time, I tell myself not to be. Is it like the negative feedback psychology thingy? Because I keep mentioning it, it's always on my mind?

Another random thought (gee I hope I'm not forcing them):

caveat: don't even try to think about the thought process involved in this one.

So there's this book I read a while ago in which Neanderthals came to be the dominant species and not homo sapiens or whatever we were back then. [Did you know that, according to this book anyway, its possible that home erectus (we) killed off the Neanderthals? Isn't that crazy? Our first case of genocide.] Anyway, in this other reality, all the women lived together in the center of town and the men only visited for a couple days a month. It wasn't that the men couldn't go to visit the females, but everyone just led different lives. The men all went when the women were ovulating and could concieve chilren...yeah anyway. 'Cause the women were all on the same cycle because they all lived together. So the point is that, while men could go visit the women, if they went during that one week a month...they couldn't get any taxis to take them and buses diverted their routes and stuff.

And I was thinking, dude, that must suck for the women to all be PMSing at the same time! And then I was thinking, dude, that's what happens here. And the men all do it too.

Okay, real quick.

I'm listening to the Garden State soundtrack while writing my paper. Haha, paper shmaper, as long as I pass. Anyway, so, I'm thinking that it's possible that Atalienay Ortmanpay (I just hate talking bad about people so that they'd be able to understand =P) is kind of a flighty person? I know that a million gajillion men in the world are in love with her, and I would totally be if I had to pick a woman to be in love with...but can you name a movie that she's been in (as an adult) that she didn't start dating a costar in? Okay, maybe Closer, but who knows. She dated the stupid bad actor boy in Star Wars, Zach what's his name in Garden State, her costar in some movie taking place in Israel... But she did have the good taste to date Gael Garcia...so...hmmm

Just a random thought that is keeping me from graduating.

I have a dream. A dream of a perfect man. He will approach me at a loud and ruckus party with a beer in his hand and be visibly inebriated. He will be so close to me as he speaks that I can smell the peanuts on his breath. He will know instinctively that I am an intuitive person and feel safe enough to share with me his deepest and darkest secret. He'll lean in even closer and, in a voice that's just hitting adolescence, say to me, "I'm a time traveller. Wanna go back to my time for some drinks?" And I'll know that we were meant to be together, and we will be, for the rest of our lives, or at least until he returns to his own time. Yup, that's how's it's gonna happen.

I...am obsessed with my own eye color. Today I'm wearing a blue shirt, so my eyes should be blue right? But I just went to the bathroom, and my eyes looked green in the mirror. Now, I seem to remember myself lamenting that my eyes could turn any color except green. So what's up with that? And remember that one time I wore a brown shirt, but my eyes were blue? I thought my eyes changed color because they were reflecting the color I was wearing, but these instances seem to be defying convention. So I will continue to watch from the background and see if I can catch a glimmer of understanding about the inner workings of my eye color. Or, maybe I'll catch the little green buggers who are switching my eyes when I'm not looking.

I beginning to doubt whether I will be able to finish everything. I may just have a breakdown and finish nothing.

Three things:

1)I don't like Tomoko Takahashi.
2)I feel like we had to give up our privacy rights to go here
3)Whenever I feel like writing stuff down, I can't sign in to the stupid thing!!!

This is me.

Where is me? I must be lost somewhere in cyberspace, don't you hate it when that happens?

Listening to French music.
Dad sent a check for tuition.
My brother is going to harass billygoats under a bridge.
I don't want my life to revolve around Capstone any more.
Why is education so important anyway?
Rice is heavy in my stomach.
I need to get a really big picture album.
I don't know how to write a reasearch paper.
Would old people be madmen monsters or hunchback monsters?
Alex walks between 370 and 315 more than anyone else.
I have no motivation.

I AM doing homework.

Nothing new. Still bored out of my mind. Wondering, if I'm so bored, why don't I do some work?

50-75 page Capstone...on...what?

12-15 page Philosophy paper...on...what?

15 page Shakespeare paper...on...what?

Phat Vu giving silly amounts of homework...on...what?

Jessica is going to die.

I'm trying to blog, I really am, I'm just so confused about what I'm thinking that it wouldn't really make sense to write what I think I'm thinking, or what I'm trying to convince myself that I'm thinking, or what I'm trying to convince myself that I think I'm thinking...you get the point.

Only Point I'm Sure About: Time is running out!!! For EVERYTHING! Time to get on top of it, or...well, I'll have a lot more time...I suppose.

It's 11 o'clock. Normally, I should be getting mighty sleepy right now and be trying to convince myself to stay up just 30 more minutes. But thanks to that 4 hour nap in the middle of the day, I'm good! hehe. Must regulate body...sleep...eating...habits.

I used to think that I had a really strong will-power over myself, but now I'm not so sure. I want it back.

I finally logged-in, but now I'm outta the mood. Maybe tomorrow night, Honey.

Dear God,

Some people say mean things about the things I like, like scarves. Sometimes they say they're tacky, and sometimes they just laugh at me. I've tried to do the right thing and denounce them as my friends, but it doesn't seem to work. So I was wondering if you could help me out. I was wondering if you could do what you do best and smote them. I wouldn't ask for anything too fancy, or course. Maybe just a little smoting for each one. It would sure help me out a lot.

Thanks,

Jessica

Test...test. This is just a test to see if this thing is still on.

I'm just warming up the engine.