Maju's coming to Seattle!! For a whole 3-day weekend!! Totally excited. Now let's see if I can get the Friday off...maybe not since two others will be gone that day...

On a total bummer note, that writing class I told you about? It was cancelled. I'm telling you, the world is conspiring against me. It's like I'm going to have to work hard or something. It's so totally unfair. Where's my fortune baby fortune when I really need it??? Huh, huh? Where is it?

And hey, I tried to go to Kosen Rufu Gongyo last weekend, but I got lost. Seriously. We were having it at the Edmonds Senior Center and apparently it's kinda screwy to get there. But I discovered that Edmonds is kind of a cute little town.

Happy March!

What does Seattle do to celebrate such an auspicious occasion? Dump a bunch of snow on the ground! Boy that groundhog sure wasn't kidding when he said we'd have six more weeks of winter.

Here I am at work, shamelessly scamming the internet. But hey, at least I'm on my lunch break. And I realize that I have been remiss in reporting what I've been up to.

The most important thing is that I found the right grad program, if a grad program is what I want to do. It's a Masters of Arts in Policy Study, it's with the University of Washington and given on the Bothell campus (I'm living and working in Bothell, by the by), and it's catered toward working people. I went to a couple of informational sessions and it's sounds really good. It actually sounded a lot like SUA. It's only 6 years old, and they said they are relying on the graduates to make the reputation (at which point I groaned). AND, they said the magic words. One of the graduates in working at a THINK TANK in D.C. that studies national education policy. Is that perfect or what??

But I decided not to apply for the fall. I realized that I havn't committed to the idea of a steady 40-hour a week job. I don't want to be a cog in the wheel, I just don't think I have the correct personality to be successful that way. I want to see if I can develop my writing in some way, really in any way. Not that I've been successful, though I think I'm making progress, I'm just not sure it's enough progress.

So the moral of the story is that I'm giving myself this year to find a way to become something besides a cog in the wheel (wow, I sure am attached to that phrase). If I can't, I'll apply for next fall's program. I'm going to keep working, save some money for something, and take classes. There are a couple classes that I need to make my grad application stronger, and I'm going to take some writing courses as well. My first one is on Saturday.

On a whole different note, I spent all of yesterday cooking, just for fun. Okay, maybe not ALL of yesterday, but it sure felt like it. My feet were awfully tired by the time dinnertime rolled around. Most of the stuff was pretty good. The fault for the only bad one lay, not in my cooking, but in my choice of recipes. Note to all who read this: BLT muffins are not a good idea.

I have hit upon the perfect CD combination. First you play James Blunt and you get a little melancholy. Then you play Darian Rice, or whatever his name is, and you contemplate ways to kill yourself. Then, as you're looking for the best place to hang a rope from, you play the soundtrack from Winged Migration and everything is happy again. I have to go now. I want to do it again, talk about an emotional rollercoaster!

Last post: Dec 16, 2006. Wow, LAST YEAR. It's already February! Time flies even when you're not having any fun.

I have no patience. I like to pretend I do, sometimes I can even trick myself. But I really don't. I want everything now. Time is my mortal enemy, literally, since if nothing else does, it will kill me. So what do I do about it? I micromanage my time. But that doesn't work, it just gives me a reason to get nothing done. Because if I miss my appointment with time, I'm off the hook, it's not my fault any more.

Sorry for blathering, I have nothing coherent going on in my brain!

Charm switch return to off.

I just got home from the company Christmas party. I helped plan it in that I called the caterer and DJ when my boss was too busy. Then, she didn’t show up to the party, and I inherited the job of coordinator. I didn’t even particularly want to go, and I ended up having to stay until the end to help kick the party people out.

The poll shows that I am a favorite of most of the engineers’ spouses. I got advice, compliments, and even a gift from the husbands and wives of the people I work with.

I shall be a live-in babysitter.

I found a grad program that is both interesting and in the same city that I work in!

Happy December. NOT.

For some reason I feel like even more of a slacker every time we change months. It means that I've let another one go by without accomplishing anything much. I think I did okay in November, but I suppose I'm looking for a huge leap instead of small baby steps.

I had a snow day today. It's not as much fun when you lose something from it, in this case MONEY. But I walked to the bank and opened an IRA, which was kinda fun. I've been putting it off for a while, but I thought I might as well today. So I did.

That was about all I did today of value. But it was a good day anyway.

Ick, I joined MySpace.

I went to *gasp* as SGI meeting this last weekend. There was a visiting leader who used to know my parents. I kinda recognized him and I definitely recognized his name. He told me that every time he sees me *and how often is that?* I look more and more like my mother. I was speechless, which is not a common adjective to describe me. I couldn't even come up with something polite and innocuous. Why would he think I would want to hear that? Should that make me feel good? It was really weird and I just kind of stood there until they brought out dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets and we could comment on those.

I am officially a hypocrite. I got offered a regular position at work (surprise surprise, but hey, coulda been that they didn't like me or something). And remember how I said I might turn it down? Well, I'm not gonna. Yes, that's right, I sold my own self out for money. Making the transition ups my salary by $2/hour. That's a leap I like. And alas, have not fallen upon my dream job while thinking wistfully of my future.

I had a sort of epiphany. It's pathetic when someone is only doing their job because they can't think of anything else to do. I know, I know, the pot and the kettle and all that. It's especially pathetic when they look down on their own job. I don't want to be like that forever. The hamster is running fast in the hopes that the brain will be able to come up with a reason I'm not as pathetic as the epiphany-inspirer.

It's already November, and I'm scared that the next time I poke my head out of the sand, 23 more years will have passed. Time is dumb. When I take over the world, I'm going to suspend all time. Oh wait, I got demoted to Duchess, I forgot. Can a duchess suspend time? I'll just have to redefine the position.

I'm having trouble following through on my goals. But. Lately, I've been spending more time thinking that I should be doing something. It really cuts into the pleasures of vegging. Maybe one day something will happen.

Yesterday it took me forever to get to work, but at least I got there. Today I can't even get out of town!

It took me an hour and 20 minutes to get to work today. And an hour and 30 to get home. And then, when I did, it turns out the water supply in my city has been contaminated by the flooding! But if we take the House and the Senate, it will be worth it.

I called in sick to work today. I'm bad, but work is so boring! I had a whole conversation online with Rumiko the other day. And it wasn't me who had to sign off.

I'm spending today trying to figure out what to do. I'm still not a permanent employee yet, and I'm thinking that I may go a different way when it comes time for the permanence (if they want me that is). But I also can't think of what else I'd do or where else I'd go, so I'll probably stay.

I realized/admitted to myself today that I hate to read anything I've written. I can't decide whether it's because I recognize that I'm no good or just that I have a weird phobia.

But, as we discussed several times in Japan, there is such a thing as too much self-reflection.

I'm bored with my life. If this is how it's going to be for the next 60-70 years, I don't see the point. Life is supposed to be made up of the mundane, and we are supposed to find happiness in the little moments, because no way can we sustain that highs that most people seem to expect from life. But lately, okay for a while, that hasn't been happening. I don't even answer the phone anymore, because it's too much trouble. I have ideas that make me happy, but they also depress me because I know they most likely won't happen. And somehow, I can't seem to motivate myself out of the funk. Recognizing it has not gotten me much closer to defeating it. Maybe it only works for alcoholics. At least if I was an alcoholic, there would be a support group. Maybe I should join the club. Yeah right, I don't even have the energy to do something self-destructive.

I'm getting old. I listen to NPR on the way to work instead of music.

My Labor Day weekend was totally horrid! I went out for breakfast on Sunday morning, got horrible service, didn't enjoy the omelet, got charged an arm and a leg for it, and spent the rest of the day nauseous. Spent Monday on my back in bed with the worst headache I've had IN MY LIFE (and I don't think I'm exaggerating on that one), Tuesday mostly in bed. I went to work for about half the day today. I'm not throwing my anymore, but my stomach hurts like the dickens and I don't know why. But I'm too afraid to go see a doctor about it.

I WANT MY 3-DAY WEEKEND BACK!!

And it's my last week at work, so I have to, have to, get through the whole day tomorrow and Friday with something like productivity.