My Labor Day weekend was totally horrid! I went out for breakfast on Sunday morning, got horrible service, didn't enjoy the omelet, got charged an arm and a leg for it, and spent the rest of the day nauseous. Spent Monday on my back in bed with the worst headache I've had IN MY LIFE (and I don't think I'm exaggerating on that one), Tuesday mostly in bed. I went to work for about half the day today. I'm not throwing my anymore, but my stomach hurts like the dickens and I don't know why. But I'm too afraid to go see a doctor about it.

I WANT MY 3-DAY WEEKEND BACK!!

And it's my last week at work, so I have to, have to, get through the whole day tomorrow and Friday with something like productivity.

Happy Birthday to me and Cassie. Another year older and wiser.

Yesterday was the worst day of work ever!! Okay, probably not, but I had a pounding headache, I didn't eat anything for lunch, the owner sent everyone but me and two new girls home early, and then my boss was trying to joke with me! I was feeling guiltly about leaving, but yesterday pretty much finished that up for me.

My dad told me that his headhunter often places people in this company called Corbis. I think it's owned by Microsoft or the same people? Anyway, apparently they make bank, but they also work crazy hours to do so. He told me that if this next job doesn't work out, he'll talk to this lady about placing me there. Then I could work crazy hours for a year or two, pay off my loans real quick, and emerge a butterfly. Okay, maybe I made that up about the butterfly, but why couldn't he have told me about his nice headhunter BEFORE I found myself a job?

I had this crazy dream that reminded me of a Patricia McKillip book. I'm thinking of trying to write a story around it. And has anyone heard of The Buzz Ballads CDs. My coworker got them and burned them for me. They are the COOLEST set of compilation CDs EVER!

Yesterday, my boss, who has been pretty much ignoring me, called me in to have another "what are we going to do with Jessica talk." He blah blah-ed at me for a while, but he actually said a couple of interesting things about me while he was expounding on his vast knowledge of the entity known to the world as Jessica. He said that the reason I'm not happy is that 1)I'm an artist and 2)I need things to be static and I'm afraid of dynamism. That first one kinda distracted me with the thought that "hey if he sees me as artistic, maybe I am" but then I realized that he could just figure because he knows I like to write. But then I came around to the second point and I'm wondering. I know that I always say that I don't like change, but I never really believed it. Now I'm wondering. Part of the problem at work stems from other things, but maybe I really don't like change after all. It's gotten me to thinking anyway.

Not that it really matters anyway. They FINALLY called me back and I start the new job on the 11th. I don't remember if I mentioned it, but the liaison between us kept calling me and telling me that the chick wanted to hire me, but she was just waiting for approval from higher up. Well, she finally got the word, so here I am. And they also hired the person who will be replacing me today, she starts Friday, so I'll have two full weeks with her.

Switching gears. I took my cousin and her friend to a concert last night (on a work night, aren't I a great cousin) and I started to wonder if it's possible to be slightly bipolar. The headliners were Bowling for Soup (the people who did 1985) and the other bands were pretty similar, so it was good, but not great music. So anyway, I was pretty quiet during the whole thing and I got to thinking that I have only two setting on my volume control, mute and really loud. And I'm kinda like that everywhere else as well. I'm either bubbly or mopey. But I don't get suicidal (which is a good thing) and I don't think I get maniacally happy (except for every once in a while). So, is it possible to be slightly bipolar and can I take pills for that? I think that my mopey stages last too long and are getting in the way of my life.

Ah ha!

Today we learned how to fit our new line of diabetic shoes. Sound exciting doesn't it!! I played guinea pig and it turns out that I should be wearing a size 7 or 7 1/2 shoe. Is that insane? The other people who got fit were wearing the right size, it was only me. And I was thinking that I must just have wide feet, but they aren't all that wide. A "B" or "C" tops. So that is my world shaking event of the day.

I'm thinking I may have to buy some diabetic shoes though. They look sooo comfortable, and they are made so that they won't irritate your feet in any way. They cost quite a bit, but you can also get inserts that are molded to your feet!

I went on an interview last Friday, and things look pretty good. The lady said it was an "excellent interview" and that she'd get back to me early this week...but I was told that they are a little slow sometimes, so I'm not worried yet. Better pay, better benefits, a company that is not failing...what is there not to like? Eh, longer commute, but not too bad.

The one co-worker I will miss is kinda weirded out by me leaving, which makes me feel good, but I'll worry about her if (when, WHEN!!) I go. I think I'm the only person she really talks to about everything that freaks her out at work, most of the other people are slightly brainwashed, and if they aren't brainwashed, they are earmarked to be fired. That's where all my hesitation comes from - I hate to leave her with all the crazies, but she has a husband who is willing to support her if she quits, so I don't feel too bad. This week (all two days of it so far) has been pretty hard, so I am seriously ready to leave.

I have a job interview tomorrow morning. And surprise surprise, I'm conflicted about it. My bosses are starting to depend on me more and more, but they are firing people right and left. They hired someone last Thursday, then they fired two people Friday (supposedly for financial reasons), then they fired the person with the most seniority on Wednesday. Supposedly, these were layoffs, but they didn't start at the bottom of the totem pole, or else I would be gone. And now you understand why they are depending on me more and more.

On a side note, I think my arch-nemesis knows how to use the internet and is mad at me for writing about him. He wasn't in his accustomed spot when I came home this evening.

My arch-nemesis is a poofy black cat who sits in the parking lot right where I swing out to pull into my parking spot. I don't know his name, but I glare at him and he gazes back at me unimpressed. And I've been parking crookedly for weeks.

Once again I have to say that Hillary Clinton is cool. Not necessarily for her politics, I don't know that much about them and they are not relevant in this post. She is cool because she will tell Rumsfeld that he is incompetent and then she will tell an entire anti-war rally that she doesn't think a set date for troop withdrawal is smart. In short, though politicians have to pander to their constitutents, she tells them what she thinks even if it's not what they want to hear. We need someone who will tell us what they think so we know what they will do, instead of them telling us what we want to hear and then doing what they want anyway.

I'm playing hookie today and applying for jobs.

Do you think Ann will still make me rice balls if I ask her? Or does chanting and rice-ball-making go together? Wait! Do you have to chant to be able to EAT rice balls???? Oh no! Quickly, call the SGI hotline!

I'm getting really tired of living from weekend to weekend. Come Monday, all I want is for Friday to come.

So we had this idea for my aunt to find me a position as a second wife with some rich sheik. That way I wouldn't have to work anymore. She says they give each wife their own house, so I wouldn't have to deal with an upper wife bossing me around. Downside - I'd have to move out of the country. The sad part is, she could probably find me a position, but I'd have to convert to Islam.

Happy Friday. My boss told one of my co-workers that he likes me, but he doesn't think the company has a place for me. He says I belong in school, that that's where my heart lies and that he thinks it would be good if I just worked part time and went to school.

The same co-worker agrees that I just need to find a husband who will support me so I don't have to work full-time.

I'm so ready to leave my job! Today wasn't even a bad day, it was mildly successful. No one got particularly mad at me, except for one lady who figured out that she was the one who made the mistake. I got most of my little things taken care of. And most importantly, I didn't mess up anything - that I know of. Unfortunately, I spend all my time anticipating that next angry customer so much that I wince when someone walks in the door. Or something stupid happens with a product that we carry or a policy that comes down from on high, and I figure that nothing is ever going to change. Or my boss is going to expect something out of me that I just don't want to do.

I've figured it out. It's not my job that I don't like, it's the company. I am embarrassed to work for such a messed up company. I've been here 8 months, and it's not any better. I actually see the problems more clearly, but no one will listen to me who has the power to change it. I think the only way I would stay is if my boss sold the place. Maybe. It's also just an inherently messed up business model.

I used my nicer boss as a job reference, but I didn't tell her. Do you think that's going to be a problem?

I really really want the PR people to call. And if I were them, I would call me. The only requirement that I don't have is the PR degree. But it said elsewhere, PR, communications, journalism, or similar. With Humanities and The Pearl, I've got to be covered right? But I'm always nervous when I send out a resume. I feel so inadequate. What if they look at my address and figure I'm a waste of time because I live so far away. It is a little worrisome to think about that commute, but I could handle if for a while I think.

I got an email confirming that they received my resume, but that wasn't until 2:30 this afternoon. How long are they going to take? Hopefully enough time for me to finish getting my teeth done.

Sorry for the whining, but it makes me feel better. I don't really have anyone that I can whine about this stuff to. Some of the people I might whine to are right in the middle of it, i.e. coworkers (and that just doesn't feel right), and then everyone else is having extreme selfish-time - everyone wants to talk about they're own problems and they don't have time for anyone else's (I'm not leaving myself out of that group, just saying that it's happening to everyone all at once).

I just got back from "the girl trip" with most of my female family members. I just have a couple things to tell you all.

Louis and Clark got stuck on the beach for six days just before they made it to the Pacific Ocean. That spot is now called Dismal Niche. Cool huh?

We were playing a bunch of 70's songs on the way down. Have you ever heard the song that goes "I've got a brand new pair of rollerskates, you've got a brand new key..." My aunts were all laughing at the double entendres going on. Something about "going around the world." I thought I was pretty up on the dirty talk, but I'm lost on this one. The key thing is obvious, but what the heck do the rollerskates mean? Maybe it's better that I don't know.

Moving on, I found the perfect job for me. It's the PR assistant for the Seattle Symphony. Unfortunately, I'd have to move MUCH closer to Seattle, with about 6 months to go on my lease, but I'm applying tomorrow anyway.

I've had a revelation. Why is it that there has to be something, some career that I want to do? Can't it just be that I'm lazy and there's not going to be anything that makes me happy? Yup, that's my destiny. Except for becoming a platypus of course.

I was carrying my computer and thinking *something something,* "hey, I should definitely blog that." When I had the computer hooked up to the internet again, I had completely forgotten. I'll have to find something else to tell the people who come to read about the car wreck that is my life. Or maybe it's the car that's still sitting in the garage because I can't manage to hit the switch to open the door so I can get to the point of impact that will create the car wreck.

I had today off because I'm working Saturday. They told me yesterday. I'm getting tired of getting mixed messages. One minute, the boss is all worried about me and wants me to be happy, the next I'm being tossed around at the last minute because...I have no idea. We had everything all worked out, but... yeah.

On Tuesday we are going on our annual girl trip. My three aunts, my cousin, and I are going...down to the Oregon coast??? I think. I just get in the car and end up wherever we end up.

Ellie and I bought plane tickets for Japan. Somehow the tickets for October are more expensive than the ones for August were. At least we finally bought them. And they're non-refundable, so we have to go.

I went to Bellevue to buy sunglasses this weekend. I haven't seen the sun since.

My boss somehow got wind that I was ready to quit, and now he keeps telling me that he wants me to be happy and that he doesn't want to lose me because I'm "adorable." I don't know if I can put that on a resume. But anywho, he basically asked me to design my job description, since he can't figure out what I'll do if we can manage to find someone else to take over the parts I don't like...

Sleepy sleepy, always sleepy

I need to try harder, try everything harder.